Boyfriend has not respond to an apology what to do

[boldblondie]

I have been seeing this man for the last 8mo. We started out as neighbors and friends then we have gradually became more. We have had an incredible relationship thus far. We have great chemistry, enjoy each other, mutual interest, he spends time not only with me but my children as well. We have the most connected, sensual,and amazing sex either one of us have ever had.

We have had a couple of issues though. Mainly his parents. As I said he was my neighbor and he has just recently moved back home with his parents to help the with their farm. His parents are in their 70's. He is 36. His parents essentially forbade him to continue a relationship with me because I am still married (I am separated but not yet divorced). He has since moved out from beside me and now live out on his farm and he continues to lie to his parents when he is with me. I realize that you have to get to a certain point in your relationship before you do the parental introduction so it has been a little awkward. But I will not lie it does bother me. Which brings me to my current situation: This is what happened.

Over the weekend I sent him a text asking that we may be able to go riding on the ATV out on his farm land as I have been working a lot and needed some outdoor activities. He never responded to the text. I did not hear back from him until the next night which I missed his call. So i talked with him Monday and he was telling me all about how a mutual friend of ours and his wife came up to his house and went four wheeling out int he fields and how our friends wife and kids were hanging out with his momma...ya ya. Well he said that this all transpired on after he left my house on Valentines day...a week ago. The conversation went well but after we hung up. I became upset for 2 reason...I honestly became jealous because these other friends of ours can hang out up there with his parents but I cant bc of his parents disapproval. Which then got me upset because I am feeling like I am being denied, when he lies to his parents about us. I feel like if i meant something then he would be a man and stand up to his parents and tell them that he is with me. But they are complete control freaks when it comes to him. But he is 36. so I am not used to this at least not since high school and I am now 32. Also I got upset b/c I realized that I had sent him text telling him I wanted to do the very thing that he did and did not invite me. Although according to him he said that it was a week prior to weekend I text-ed him.

Later that evening i was talking to our mutual friend and he was telling me about the the four wheeling adventure. He told me that it was just the past weekend not the week before that my bf had told me. I then became upset as I felt I had been lied to over something that was BS. I had some serious trust issues in my marriage and the thought of being lied to just infuriated me. so my initial thought was the man is BS me over a BS reason. If he is to lie to me over something as trivial as the dates of when he hung out with his friend then what else is he going to lie to me about. Also, it hurt me b/c I also thought well he was lying bc he knew i text hm about wanting to go out and he never responded. So I called him and I immediately accused him of giving me a line of BS over something stupid. He then gave it right back to me. Telling me that next time I better do better research and he was very much an asshole. he then called me back telling me that he had just talked to his friend and that both of them had their days confused as they had been heavily drinking but that it was not the past weekend. And that he hoped my research now made me happy. I had never heard him like this. But then again he had never heard me as I was either. This was our first argument ever. I was now upset over how he talked to me but I was also now thinking that maybe I was wrong.

So I sent him a text telling him that I was sorry for how I may have came across and that that was not my intent. He then responded back by saying "my intent was my original thought which was incorrect and that he does not like speculation over something as trivial as this". And after that text he sent me one saying that he was sorry for how he is and that in one sentence thoughts were said that he had no foundation for and for that he was sorry. I responded back by saying he was right I was sorry, it is bs and can we both just let it go. Never got a response. The next day i did a little introspection myself. i realized that I a couple of thing happened that I bc in my marriage I was used to my husband lying to me that I perhaps made the assumption that he was to not looking at the fact there may be a logical explanation. And that I did not ask him about it I out right accused him of lying. So I sent him a very heartfelt email the next day (which I am not sure he got or not) Telling him that i owed him a better apology than what i offered and explained that I let my past experience of doubt influence my current emotions. I told him that I should nor will allow the actions of someone else in the past negatively effect him again. That i was wrong for it an made a mistake and that I was sorry. I also called and left the same apology on his voice mail as I am not sure he got the email msg. I left the msg. 2 days ago and I have yet to hear a response back from him. i am trying to let him have his space to allow the apology to sink in and let him come to me. But I am wondering what should I do if I hear nothing back. Also, did I have a right to get upset. i want to make this right. I feel there is a lot of potential and I don't want to mess it up. Also, I am having other dilemmas. As I said i was separated and now my husband after finding out I was seeing someone is begging for me back to keep our family together. But I don't want to give up what I have now. But I wonder would he really give up on something as great as what we had on something so trivial. I mean am I not allowed to make a mistake. please give me some advice....thanks

[vashti]

You don't really have any right to make demands on this guy while you are married to someone else. His parents don't like you (obviously for moral reasons), and it is THEIR farm. i am having a hard time understanding how you could have possibly ever thought it was appropriate to invite yourself over there in the first place, and it sounds like you are putting your boyfriend in a position to have to tiptoe around the fact that you simply aren't welcome there.

I suggest you quit making excuses for your behavior (blaming the ex, whatever), and just admit you were jealous, and that you understand you have absolutely no leg to stand on, and then don't ever mention it again or pout about it. You aren't really available anyway. And it doesn't really matter which weekend it was that this happened. You weren't going to be invited in either case.

And obviously, divorce your husband. You don't love him.

[dewilliams2]

It is complicated...I think you need to give the guy some time...like another 2 days and then try to call him again if you still haven't heard from him.

Also you need to either go back to your husband or finalize a divorce....I know your in a bad spot but truly one or the other will have to happen if you want either of these guys.

[QueenofCorona]

The whole dates getting mixed up thing is pretty trivial, it would be weird him calling that a deal breaker. My bigger issue is that you tolerate dating a man who does not accept you fully. He's a grown ass man and can't tell mommy and daddy he's dating someone they don't care for? Weak. Weak, weak, weak "man." Get with a guy who will be proud to date you. If things do work out past this bump you need to address the parents issue. Obviously they are a huge part of his life but if you are bringing him around your children then you need to be taken seriously by him as well. Your kids have been through enough already, they don't need to be made felt unweldome or unwanted which as much as you think they don't pick up on it, they do.

[boldblondie]

I think I said that I am separated...not yet divorced. I have to be separated for 1 year before I can get a divorce. It will be final in about 2 months as long as my husband signs the papers. So yes I am still legally married but I am legally separated and have been since day one of my relationship with the man I am currently seeing. So it is not like I have been having an affair while I am still in an active relationship with my husband. I am just waiting for the day for it to be final. As my marriage was certainly sick, unhealthy and abusive. So don't tell me about morality....so I guess it was moral for my husband to sleep around, beat me and leave me financially broke right while i raise his two kids alone so he could go do as he pleased.

[boldblondie]

You don't really have any right to make demands on this guy while you are married to someone else. His parents don't like you (obviously for moral reasons), and it is THEIR farm. i am having a hard time understanding how you could have possibly ever thought it was appropriate to invite yourself over there in the first place, and it sounds like you are putting your boyfriend in a position to have to tiptoe around the fact that you simply aren't welcome there.

I suggest you quit making excuses for your behavior (blaming the ex, whatever), and just admit you were jealous, and that you understand you have absolutely no leg to stand on, and then don't ever mention it again or pout about it. You aren't really available anyway. And it doesn't really matter which weekend it was that this happened. You weren't going to be invited in either case.

And obviously, divorce your husband. You don't love him.

I think I said that I am separated...not yet divorced. I have to be separated for 1 year before I can get a divorce. It will be final in about 2 months as long as my husband signs the papers. So yes I am still legally married but I am legally separated and have been since day one of my relationship with the man I am currently seeing. So it is not like I have been having an affair while I am still in an active relationship with my husband. I am just waiting for the day for it to be final. As my marriage was certainly sick, unhealthy and abusive. So don't tell me about morality....so I guess it was moral for my husband to sleep around, beat me and leave me financially broke right while i raise his two kids alone so he could go do as he pleased.

[vashti]

I doubt his parents really care about why you aren't divorced yet. You still aren't available, and it is their house. Maybe your BF shouldn't live in their house if he doesn't like their moral system.

[boldblondie]

The whole dates getting mixed up thing is pretty trivial, it would be weird him calling that a deal breaker. My bigger issue is that you tolerate dating a man who does not accept you fully. He's a grown ass man and can't tell mommy and daddy he's dating someone they don't care for? Weak. Weak, weak, weak "man." Get with a guy who will be proud to date you. If things do work out past this bump you need to address the parents issue. Obviously they are a huge part of his life but if you are bringing him around your children then you need to be taken seriously by him as well. Your kids have been through enough already, they don't need to be made felt unwelcome or unwanted which as much as you think they don't pick up on it, they do.

To be honest I think this is where my hurt and frustration originated from. I made the comment to a friend of mine before the argument ever happened that I was jealous of my friends being there and that all the hell my husband but me through at least he never once denied me. I do certainly feel like that this is a big deal to me. I am just not sure how to bring this up. Its like one of those "where is this going convoys" and I was married for 12 yrs so this whole dating thing i am relearning.

Basically his dad told him if it continued he would cut him out of his part of the farm and land. A bunch of BS. And the thing is that I am an educated woman, who has her own business, has pulled my self from a sick marriage, and re built my whole life from nothing bc that is what my husband left me with nothing bc he was a drug addict and put me in financial ruins before he went to prison.

[QueenofCorona]

Basically his dad told him if it continued he would cut him out of his part of the farm and land. A bunch of BS. And the thing is that I am an educated woman, who has her own business, has pulled my self from a sick marriage, and re built my whole life from nothing

Well, if all that is true then you don't need him. Actions speak louder than words. SHOW them you are a self-sufficient classy (his parents probably aren't thrilled about your past issues w/the ex) woman who can stand on her own two feet.

[boldblondie]

Well, if all that is true then you don't need him. Actions speak louder than words. SHOW them you are a self-sufficient classy (his parents probably aren't thrilled about your past issues w/the ex) woman who can stand on her own two feet.

I certainly don't feel that I need him, but I certainly want him. It is just that something as great as what we have had does not come around often if ever. We have both made the statements that we have waited our whole lives for the connection that we have. I hate to think that it could be over with something this trivial. i mean if I don't hear from him in a couple of days should I call him or take it a statement that he does not want to talk to me. I have never been one to chase someone and I don't want to start now, but I don't want to just let it go either. To be honest if he is willing to call it quits for something as trivial as this then I don't need him. I mean we all make mistakes we are not perfect. And if is unwilling to forgive me on something this basic and trivial then the relationship would probably never survive anyway. And there are going to be disagreements and arguments, its whether you can still respect and care for one another during those times that count. I have at least learned that as a result of my marriage. Also, his longest relationship has been 3 yrs (never been married) compared to my 12 yr marriage. Not that that makes me an expert, but I am trying to learn from my past mistakes in my marriage.

[Gigabitch]

I find it hard to believe that his parents don't understand that you're legally separated and that the rest is just paperwork. They sound incredibly rigid and conservative but it is what it is and I don't see it changing. I also don't see your "boyfriend" making a stand and telling them to go screw themselves, either. Like it or not, he's not just a man, he's a man with two appendages that will be attached to him until they die, and this could take a long time.

Regardless of your connection with him, I think you're wasting your time.

[boldblondie]

Last week before our argument he invited me out to his place while his parents were away for the weekend. I just sent him a text asking him if that invite was still open, and that I missed him and wanted to see and talk to him. I did that a few hours ago and no response as of yet. I don't know. So what is a reasonable amount of time to give a man to respond not only to my apology for to my text of wanting to see him. I gave him 2 days since the apology before I sent him another msg and it has been 5 days since the argument

[Amena]

Hello boldblondie,

This reminds me a bit of my situation which has lasted for 7 years and is now in the final stages...
My secret boyfriend has become totally intolerant to all of my complaints. The last one was regarding his refusal to my supper invitation on Valentine's day...I told him that I felt rejected and wondered if he was going with someone else...he stopped calling...I did the same...and I know that I should end it, but my HEART doesn't want to let go...
Unfortunately for you, it seems that your situation might be going in the same direction.
I hope it all works out for the better...good luck