Confused

[sxc]

i guys,
Well i'll just get straight to the point.I was dating this girl for 3 months.She suddenly called it off in october last year for no particular reason.She said she had no more feelings for me.After the break up i did all the wrong things-begged,pleaded,cried etc.She said she wanted to remain friends,liked me and cared for me but would never be in a relationship with me ever..
She had a rough past with her ex bf who treated her badly although strangely enough she still loved/loves him.. but at the same time she told me she would never go back to him.well apart from being needy and begging i didnt do anything wrong after the breakup..i did however go to mutual friends and discussed the whole break up(BIG MISTAKE)..i did tell her that i would not contact her for sometime as i would want to get myself together..I also told her that i respected her decision for the break up.

I put no contact into play for 6 weeks.Towards the end of the 6 weeks she deleted me from facebook and removed all our photographs..She also deleted any comments she made on my photos or any wall posts for that matter!! after 6 weeks i bumped into her.She seemed nice and welcoming at first but then after a while seemed cold whilst talking..she's been ignoring me ever since and i did ask her out for coffee but she declined..She does seem spiteful as she put it up on facebook that she's been having a greeat time ever since the breakup but it's jsut not genuine enough.

Well it goes without saying that i love her because it's been 4 months since the break-up and i'm not over her.At first I thought i was acting out of rejection but i genuinely do like her.I"ve treated her really well but it's sad that i have clearly been taken for granted.

I wanted help regarding what to do next as her behaviour seems so confusing and is clearly affecting me in a big way

regards

sxc

[1ncredible]

Ok, nothing you can do now to change the past, but your begging and pleading was a big mistake (as you know).

As soon as she called it off you should have immediately gone into no contact mode - no texting, emailing, phoning etc.

Do you think it was at all possible that she was just using you for a bit of attention? Reason I ask you this is that she deleted you off facebook only after your 6 weeks of NC.

Were you too nice to her and not much of a challenge?
Does she still occasionally contact you?

Personally I'd try your dam hardest to forget about her - very hard I know (I'm in a similar situation 4 months on too)

You say she seems like she's having fun? - Well that's exactly what you need to be doing!! Go out with your friends, meet new people (girls) and enjoy yourself. She won't be sat at home thinking of you, so don't waste anymore time thinking of her. Also let it be know subtly to her that you are enjoying yourself and that you don't care about her.

[LeeLooD]

I think you already know the answer to this one. She's totally moved on and not interested in you anymore.. not even for friendship.
I know this is hard if you have these kind of feelings of course... most of the time it takes half of the total time you went out with the person to get over him/her... so if you dated 3 months then this means that you should've needed 1.5 months to get over her.. its been 4 months!.
In this situations most people search for professional help, this helps to get over things easier.
In the meantime, don't try to contact her and if you bump into her again, the healthiest thing would be to ignore her.

[sxc]

well the reasaon i say it's confusing is because she tried getting in touch with me on a couple of ocassions but at the same time she seems cold when i speak to her.I've treated theis girl really well and have been an absolute sweetheart to her..thats even more reason why im so cluelessI guess she's just conflicted within herself which i assume is a good sign(correct me if im wrong)..Also straight after the break-up she went about on facebook posting comments and pictures like she was having the time of her life like the breakup was the best thing that happened to her..is it normal for somebody who has initiated a break-up to act like that even though the break-up was pretty bad like in my case?..or is she trying to over-convince herself that she's over me?She's been a little spiteful in that respect..i guess i'm just missing so many signs altogether cos im drowing in emotion..what do you guys suggest..I really really like this girl inspite of all the crap i've taken but i cannot go any further cos it's jsut too demaning and disrespectful..should i ignore her..write a letter?.i seem kinda clueless.

PS-she did cry a lot when i told her i couldn't possibly be friends.

[TremblingBluSta]

Well it goes without saying that i love her because it's been 4 months since the break-up and i'm not over her.At first I thought i was acting out of rejection but i genuinely do like her.I"ve treated her really well but it's sad that i have clearly been taken for granted.

It certainly does not go without saying. I have an ex from five years back that I still have a twinge of hurt when I think about, and I do not believe for a second that I am in love with her. I'm not telling you what you feel, but you dated her for only 3 months - far too short a time to be in love with a person. I would venture to guess you are merely infatuated with her, and whether due to a lack of experience or maturity (I do not know your age) you are mistaking feelings of rejection and loneliness for love.

It feels to me like your mistake is in portraying all of the classic "nice guy" behaviors with this girl and assuming they would work. Don't beat yourself up over it, as most guys make this mistake at one time or another. I would suggest looking up info on nice guys,

My suggestion is this: move on! Don't worry about her or what she is doing. I know it is easier said than done, but going out and meeting new women is the best cure for oneitis (another term you should look up).