Ex boyfriends, sex and friends

[Guardian299]

I had been going out with this guy for 2 years and he out of the blue starts telling lies to me and treats me quite badly and finishes by breaking up with me. We were in love and so this whole ordeal completely crushed me, i was upset for weeks. He came back a few times after and said we would just go on a break for a bit, but he never came back and just gave me my things back with no explaiation. I was upset all over again and had been going out a lot during the break up and seeing old friends again. One of these was also his friend. I arranged to go to this friends party where i ended up staying the night, we saw each other alot after and a few weeks in we slept together. My ex said he didnt mind to both of us and was interested in our relationship. This "relationship" only lasted a few weeks and ended in another break up. Shortly after my ex says he made a huge mistake and really does love me and want me back and cant be without me so we have been seeing each other like we used to do and its been great, but when i sleep over his house or say certain things he starts to think about me and his friend and claims he cant stop thinking about it. He keeps punishing me for it but we were broken up, i really did think i had feelings for his friend at the time and he slept with someone else (apparently because i was). I know now that i think it was just a stupid re-bound and i do honestly regret it. He keeps implying that he cant get over it, which i can completely understand but it seems like hes not even mad at the friend, and he is the kind of person that forgets and blocks out bad things in his life but he wont block this out, its like he wants to keep the wound open. I dont know what i can to to help ease the pain a bit and get him to forgive my stupid mistake, because i cant loose him again and i know he really cares about me because hes not the type to give relationships a 2nd chance!

What can i do? The only things that seem to work atm are gifts and "sexual healing" lol.
Any advice??

[girl68]

This is not your problem to fix. You didn't do anything wrong. HE needs to get over it. HE needs to block it out. When he took you back with that knowledge he accepted that. If he cannot he should leave you.

[Peter Pry]

It's not the sex with the friend you should be regretting; it's the getting back together with this douchebag.

He's not allowed to break up with you and expect you not to see other people. That is not the way it works. If he is too immature to handle that, you need to leave him. You should probably leave him anyway. He broke up with you to be with someone else (that is why a man leaves without any warning), and when that didn't work out, he took it for granted that you would be there pining away and waiting for him. He treated you with great disrespect, and continues to use you for sex and gifts, blackmailing you with this story about the friend. Get away from this loser who will only hurt you again.

[Guardian299]

The reason he gave when he wanted me back for leaving was that it was too serious too fast and he has many family problems to deal with and is lent on by all his family so was struggling with everything. He is now saying that he is ready and that i was the only constant and good thing and that is why he wanted me back. The only other person he was involved with was this one night stand as he was bored and because i was sleeping with someone else (i apparently know her).

[girl68]

So? He got ass you got over it. You got ass he can get over it.

[Guardian299]

but it was easier for me because i dont know who the person he slept with is, all i know is i went to school with them and they were in my year where as he knows the person i was with so i can understand why it would be harder as the person i imagine him with has no face, if you catch my drift lol. I just want to find a way to help him not imagine me with his friend anymore or not want to toutch me sometimes as it hurts him to think about it. i know im probably a fool but i cant help it, i love him lol

[girl68]

I don't believe that for a second. He doesn't like the fact that any dude has his dick inside you. Friend or not. My point stands he gets over it or you leave.

But here's my prediction: he won't get over it and you won't leave him. I predict a future post: my bf can't get over the fact I had sex with someone else when we were broken up. To which I will respond with "I told you so." Goodluck with this.

[Guardian299]

its sad but you are right, i wont leave because im the kind of sappy girl who cant give up especially when in love with her "high school sweet heart" and hes narssasistic so will never see that he did anything wrong. I think that luck is the only thing that is going to get me...us, through this. i just wish there was a way to make him forget, besides being nice and reminding him why it would be good to forget. Thanks

[Gigabitch]

I hope he doesn't continue to use this as an excuse to act like an ass. This is totally HIS problem.

[Ace1972]

I kind of get where this guy is coming from. She had sex with his friend whom he is still friends with it seems and he had sex with someone unrelated to the situation. This is harder to deal with--think about it reversed, if he slept with your best girlfriend, would be so easy to get over it?

That said, he chose to take you back knowing who you slept with so he needs to stop being a complainer. Good luck.

[Guardian299]

Yeah i agree, thats why i can sort of undestand why hes so funny about the whole thing. She is only unrelated because i said i didnt want a name as i apparently know said person, but i just hope i dont find out or i will have to go through what he is. He did choose to your right, he also told me to leave the friend as the friend is not good enough for me and said hes not saying he is either, but begged me to leave him. Thanks

[girl68]

If the situation were reversed I would never take him back. That's what. When you decide to take back you accept all that has happened. This guy is not. And his weak gf is letting him get away with keeping this over her head to slap her across the face when she gets out of line.

[Guardian299]

Im not weak i just believe in not running when things get tough, no relationship is perfect, but i just want to make it work. his problem is the only thing that is wrong in our relationship so i just want to "fix" it, everything else like the time we spend together is usually amazing. Thats why im asking for help and advice, to see if there are any tools i can use to fix his mind set.

[girl68]

YOU can't that's the point. It is HIS problem. You cannot fix a problem like this when the problem is not you. I don't think you're understanding. The only way you CAN fix it is if there was a time machine that you can buy, go back in time and NOT have sex. That is impossible. Therefore you fixing this problem is impossible. HE needs to. And the fact that you already said he thinks he's doing nothing wrong. That's a terrible quality to have. And you're enabling him to throw this in your face every chance he gets.