Trying to understand him

[Susie]

For the last year a man at work has been flirting with me. It started out with him showing physical attraction - looking me up and down and progressed to what seemed to me to be more emotional attraction - gazing with soft eyes into my eyes and always looking at me (at my face) with an almost besotted look. We got on well and chatted and joked and he always looked at me in a group. I felt attracted to him too and returned the looks and eventually my I developed feelings for him. But just as I felt something could happen, he was transferred. I saw him a couple of times after that, by chance - at work dos. He was still looking at me - he even whispered in my ear that I was lovely and very good my job. We found ourselves alone and he kissed me - very softly and tenderly ending with a tender eskimo kiss. I emailed him and he never replied - his excuse was 'work email was not private'. Do you think he had feelings for me or was I just part of a game for him. Surely if he cared (he said he did) he would not ignore me and leave me pining like this.

[Chupacabras]

He's absolutely right, work email is never private. Have you given him your number or any other way to contact you outside of work?

[Susie]

Acutally he got my number off a friend - when he phoned I was so happy. But then I realised he was only phoning to ask me not to do anything at work about trying to bring him back to my department (he said he wanted to come back but would sort it out himself). He talked a bit and was sweet and said take care in an emotional way but he never phoned again.

[dewilliams2]

Yea he is smart to not e-mail over the company email....he may just be busy at the moment...you can always call him.

[Chupacabras]

Then leave it be, he's not interested in starting a relationship with someone he works with. He may like you, and it sounds like he does, but it's not uncommon for people to not want to date co-workers (as a professional, I wouldn't either).

If you were interfering with his business, that's something else entirely...

[Susie]

Thanks for your replies guys! Definitely not interfering with his business!

I still don't get it that if he doesn't want a relationship at work then why did he flirt so much and sweep me off my feet with his romantic gaze.....? Surely if he was
wanting to be professional he would not do these things.

[Chupacabras]

Sometimes the heart and mind don't agree. It's happened to me before, too, but in the end the mind won.

[Susie]

THanks again... I just wanted to ask another thing. Do you think this guy may have had feelings for me or does he sound like a player. The last time I saw him he was a bit drunk but he kept whispering in my ear that I was lovely and he held my hand tight and close to him and while gazig ninto my eyes. There were others around and he didn't do much more than that but do you think you can see 'love' in a man's eyes or is this a player trick?

[intrepid1]

This has a lot to do with what kind of guy he is. Is he the kind of guy most women would find attractive-the kind that would have a lot of women hitting on him, or is he a more reserved, shy type,the kind that might not have a huge amount of experience with women? Is he a nerdy, computer geek type? And are you someone he might consider "out of his league" as in unobtainable, as in he might not be good enough for you?

[Susie]

Well I certainly find him attractive - maybe he is not classically good looking. I was not attracted to him at first - he seemed to avoid me. Then one day - boom - he could not take his eyes off me and it just escalated from there, to lots of prolonged, soulful gazing that seemed to say so much. He has amazing eyes, a small tight ass and I find him very sexy - his personality is a big turn on for me. He is middle aged but seems boyish at times. He is flirty with other females but I do think I was special for him. After we had kissed briefly he said it was good to know he was stiill attractive....it was a very tender, loving kiss. Later he told me that he was very flattered. So I am left confused.... the way he was looking in my eyes made me think he was falling for me, but.....I don't know what to think.

[Gigabitch]

He reminds me of the rebound clown I became entangled with as my ex husband and I were splitting up. Run away from this man. He's playing you to amuse himself, like he might eat candy off of a tray that was laid out at a party.

If it helps, think of him as a giant penis wearing man's clothing.

[intrepid1]

How big an issue do you think it might be for him to date a coworker? Any chance this is a big obstacle for him?

[Susie]

It could be - but then if you like some one enough and gawd knows it is hard to find someone that you really click with and have great chemistry with. I don't know why people turn down what could be the love of their life just because they work together. Do you think he has feelings for me or does he sound like a player. I give him the benefit of the doubt - I don't think he is a player. Maybe there is someone else in his life?

[Gigabitch]

If there's someone else in his life, wouldn't that make his behavior toward you very, very inappropriate?

[Susie]

It was just one thing I thought about - he never said anything - doesn't wear a ring so I don't know I am just trying to figure his behaviour out and see if he actually likes me that much or wether it is all just a game for him....