After effects of being cheated on.?

[Krissykris]

So long story put into point form:

-Went out with my first boyfriend, first (so called) love. for 4 years
-Within the 1st year he cheated on me and came clean, I forgave him
-3 years of him cheating, and me knowing, confronting him about it and he always would turn it on me and tell me I'm crazy and a nag and yada yada, basically make it my fault why I thought he would be cheating.
-I got depressed from constantly being told I was horrid, being treated poorly, ugly, bad person, knowing my boyfriend was cheating on me by finding phone numbers with girls names on it, going out to parties without me and sleeping over at who knows where. I was so young and thought that he was my world and if I broke up with him my world would come crashing down and I would never feel that way again.
-I tried to kill myself many times. And he told everyone how crazy I was and laughed at me. But he'd always come back when it pleased him to tell me how much he loved me ect.
-After 3 years I got sick of constantly crying, so I left him (haven't talked to him since, 8 years ago)

Now the problem is, I'm ALWAYS afraid that my boyfriend is going to cheat, even though I know he won't, I don't even want the opportunity to present itself, and I know I can't prevent this and I keep this and my feelings to myself but sometimes he knows that I don't trust him, but I do, I'm just scared. I don't want to be hurt like I was ever again.

Does anyone else feel this way after being cheated on?

[Petit Papillon]

I was treated exactly how you was,by my ex of course. HE was cheating and he was making me feel guilty about it.

How did I overcome this? IMO, every person is different. Before I started to date my current bf I had 2 ways to chose.

1.Don't trust him. Check him on every step,never belive him, treat him like he was already cheating on me and eventually ending with a break up.
2.Trust him.Belive him, treat him the way he treats me (good) , letting us be happy in this relationship for as long as it's possible.

I choose the second option.Why? Because I knew if I won't trust him, this relationship has no future. I also knew that he did nothing wrong so why should I blame him for my ex's mistakes? I should blame my ex and nobody else but him. I prefer to put all of my hatred and disgust on my ex than on my bf. And it's all because I want to be happy.

You should do the same. If you will constantly repeat to yourself that your current boyfriend IS NOT your ex. Your exes mistakes AREN'T your boyfriends. Give it a try. Remember, all changes start in your head. It depends only on you if you want all this to change to better.

[Doc Durian]

Does anyone else feel this way after being cheated on?

I did, once. Spent a few years on my own after that and got it out of my system before starting another relationship.

Helps being cynical though. If I get an indication of monkey business again with someone else, out the door without a second thought.. no discussion necessary.

[urkiddingme]

I did, once. Spent a few years on my own after that and got it out of my system before starting another relationship.

Helps being cynical though. If I get an indication of monkey business again with someone else, out the door without a second thought.. no discussion necessary.

this is the best advice right here. take it from me as well.

[Petit Papillon]

Doesn't have to be few years until you 'get it out of your system'. Every person deals with it differently. It could be few years, few months or even few weeks It depends on YOU how much you want this feeling to go away and how much you want to be happy. Again, it's all in your head

[Doc Durian]

Doesn't have to be few years until you 'get it out of your system'. Every person deals with it differently. It could be few years, few months or even few weeks It depends on YOU how much you want this feeling to go away and how much you want to be happy. Again, it's all in your head

True...

(being best friends for 12 years before that probably added the time factor for me)

[Petit Papillon]

Probably

[Gigabitch]

There's nothing wrong with being more vigilant about your future boyfriends' behavior, just don't go crazy. Be up front about having no patience for sketchy behavior and insist upon full transparency in your relationship. Hopefully, you'll find a guy in the same position and you'll learn how to trust one another over time.

[Krissykris]

I'm not over crazy, it's just if I see things that look familiar (may mean nothing) I get upset and start to question things. I don't usually say anything, but if it involves something I'm uncomfortable with I won't let it happen, like him staying out super late without me 4am-5am (even though I didn't want to go). He understands most of the time but there was one time when we started going out, he came home from work and right away said he had to take the garbage out (which was weird) and I thought he had some girl downstairs where he was dumping the garbage. We now call her the dumpster girlfriend. I knew it was ridiculous but it was so out of his character that a red flag went up.

[IndiReloaded]

Stop focussing on what hasn't happened and focus on what you have. Otherwise, your fears will become your reality. If you are a good, genuine person then you don't deserve to be cheated on. So act like it, and you won't be. Don't give your last jerk exBF the satisfaction of messing up THIS relationship as well as your last one.