problem talking about my feelings

[im_in_love]

I seem to have a problem. I can't really talk about my feelings out loud... Online or through text, or even in letters I'm perfectly fine at it, very good with my words even. But in person I just cannot say what I'm feeling. I also have a problem being intimate with people. Even kissing I have a hard time doing. I'm not sure if this is due to me not being very experienced in the area, or if it's an underlying self esteem issue or what. But it's really taken a toll on my relationships and friendships. A few relationships have ended because I can't be intimate, and the other person needed me to be. I just don't get it.
I do have a self esteem problem, but I never thought it was this bad, which is why it's hard for me to believe my problem is 100% due to my low self esteem. I can talk through text all I want about intimate things, but on the phone or in person I just can't. I think it's because in person my mood is more light and joking, whereas through text I can get in a more serious mood. This especially happens with the person I'm interested in right now, because I can't help but feel happy and in such a light mood around them. But when I text them I get way serious about things. And I definitely want to become intimate with someone and be able to speak my feelings, but I don't know how. Does anyone have any advice??

[Doc Durian]

Remove yourself from the first person and treat what you do or don't write/say clinically as mere dialogue, from an outside perspective as best as you're able.

Every story needs dialogue although some more so than others.

For instance... novels and screenplays...

In the novel they're reading your thoughts and feelings with great detail. In the screenplay they're honed in on your mannerisms and actions.

Dialogue is an integral part of both forms but can and does vary in intensity between the tangents.

So you're comfortable in the novel.. there's nothing wrong with that...just be mindful to add some action into your relationships. Relationships need more than mere words. It's human interaction... the nuances of friends, family, and loved ones.

Start slow and at your own pace.

Giving a heartfelt gift to someone says as much as writing them a lengthy poem.

Laugh when you find something funny, cry when you find something sad. If you're feeling zany, do something zany.

Ever notice older couples with a partner who doesn't say much but physically expresses a lot?

It takes all types. Good luck.

[dewilliams2]

I struggle with the same problem at times...even the physical contact part...Its not so much that I have self esteem problems but I tend to over think everything and I worry about screwing something up by mistiming something....the problem is that in hindsight I realize I missed the perfect opportunity to say something or get the first kiss or whatever.

I've gotten better as I've gotten older....how I fixed it?...stop thinking and just react.

[psykemike]

It sounds a bit like a chicken and egg story... is your lack of self esteem resulting in you having relationship problems or is your relationship problems causing you to have low self esteem? The only real way to answer that question is to challenge yourself, by taking the path of least resistance. What do I mean by that?

Its alot easier to look at aspects of your personality and make changes there, than jumping into a relationship, just to see if it will change how you feel. So start by doing something that you feel will make you feel better about yourself. Change your wardrobe, get a haircut, a tattoo, or pierce something! See if that change affects anything else in your life and work from there.

Slowly but sure as you begin to grow in confidence I gurantee things will start looking up relationship wise