Girlfriend no longer interested in sex. At my wit's end.

[ftm]

Okay everyone. The girlfriend and I just had a lengthy discussion/confrontation and I'd like to relate some of it here. It did not leave us in a friendly place relationship-wise, but I feel good about it anyway because I stated my case, stood my ground, and didn't apologize for anything I wasn't sorry for. I will relate what happened later in the post. First, I'd like to respond to some of the posts that have come up over the past 12 hours or so:

I've seen this kind of situation before. I think the problem is that you aren't doing or acting in the way you were when you first met her and that has made her loose her attraction in a way towards you. I'm sure when you were making love 7 times a week that you weren't doing everything for her and you weren't hounding her hand on foot because thats not what a real man does.

Ha. Well, I am sure everyone has different ideas of what a "real man" does. The long and short of it is that I'm a nice guy. Sometimes too nice. But I could never artificially be aloof or indifferent to someone's needs in the name of getting more action.

Frankly, I have revisited the theory you propose many times: That I'm different now which is why she's no longer attracted. I've asked her about this several times and she's denied that it's the case. It's true that some things about me are different than when we met. Back then I was making about 25%-50% more money than I make today. I was in a position of authority at my job and had the cocky attitude to back it up. I don't think that money is the issue. Maybe my attitude has changed. However, the "me" she knew back then was getting hot sex sometimes multiple times a day. That goes a long way towards stoking a guy's ego. It's hard to feel on top of the world these days when I feel like my penis is in a box in the attic and I only get to take it out to play on very special occasions.

I've *always* treated her like a queen. From day one. That never changed.

I haven't had sex since December, so your case really caught my attention.

Ouch. I am so sorry.

As I see it she is simply using you at this point. There are many reasons why she may have lost her sex drive, but the fact that she ignores the pain it causes you should be an indicator of how much she really cares for you. I don't dare to assume anything about you girlfriend because i don't know her. However, don't discount the possibility that she could be having an affair.

Thanks for weighing in on this. It's heartening and comforting to hear the thoughts of someone who is in a similar boat.

I keep thinking that if I just make her understand how much pain I am in over this then she'll change her ways. But it never turns out to be the case. She feels bad about herself. Cries a bit. Promises to "work on it," and then apparently does this in private because I don't get to see the results.

She's not having an affair. First of all, she doesn't have the time. For the past 6 months she's been going to graduate school full time and has had internships. Between that and my work schedule we usually only get to have dinner together once or twice a week. (I know what some of you may be thinking, and believe me, we DO have plenty of time/opportunities for sex, despite how busy both of our schedules are.) I just don't think she'd have the time to cheat on me, and I don't think she's the type. Despite our problems, I don't think she would lie to me. I asked her only one time if there was someone else, and she said "no." I believe her. Moreover, I've seen no sign that any cheating could be taking place.

I also think that you have unfortunately made it easy for her to use you by waiting on her hand and foot, and reading to her and such. You have made youself into a butler of sorts, only she doesn't have to pay you. You are not her daddy, or maid, or cook. It is great to share responsibilities......SHARE being the operative word here.

The problem is that I "use" myself. I keep duping myself into thinking that if I am more generous with myself and my time that she will respond in kind, the old "give and take" that a relationship is based on. Lately I feel like it's more "give and give" on my end. Some of the things I do are things she asks me to do. A lot of other things are things I offer to do or insist on doing, liuke bringing her dinner if she has a long night at school or some school function and I know that if I don't bring it to her her dinner will just be a bag or Doritos and a cookie and she'll only end up feeling sick later.

But you are right -- I do need to change that. I've gotten better about it over how I've been in past relationships, but I've still got a lot of work to do.

Ok ftm, I went back and read all of the posts. You say that you want to stay in the relationship, that you are great together, you are best friends, and so on. I'll tell you the same thing I told my wife, "The only difference between good friends and girlfriends/wives is sex". So either you can be in a sexless relationship, or you can be great friends with someone without having sex (which is pretty much where you are anyway). She is resistant to counseling, is indifferent about how much this hurts you, tells you not to bring it up so SHE doesn't feel bad.........I mean really? Really? You still want to stay where you are? In the position that you're in?

I have come to this conclusion as well. Most of the time, it feels like we are best friends with occasional benefits, benefits which usually feel more like drunken hookups than anything else. I told her as much this morning. More about that later...

I'm am telling you, no scratch that, I am begging you to not be so closeminded about your devotion to her that you ignore what this is doing to you and what it will do to you down the road. Like I said there is only one difference between a friendship and a physical relationship (the physical part). Putting up with this will eventually cause the relationship to fail, but it will also change how much effort you are willing to put forth in the next relationship (whether you choose to believe that or not).

Thank you for all of your input. I value it greatly. I plan to not be closed-minded about this issue down the road. If nothing changes after counseling I am going to have some hard decisions to make. The stress that this issue brings me (which I admit is partly my fault because I'm not exactly a "Zen" kind of guy) actually takes a toll on me physically -- I have a stress-related chronic pain condition. So when I am hurting emotionally, I often hurt physically as well. On top of that, I have a physically demanding job. I can't go on like this much longer, I don't think.

Is she taking any medications? Antidepressants or birth control pills?

She takes Wellbutrin, which is actually supposed to *increase* sex drive!

----

Okay, now the second part of my post. We had a discussion this morning. She woke me up so I could help her study for her quiz. (A weekly thing.) I groggily pulled on a shirt and she offered to make me a cup of tea, which I thought was a nice gesture. (She tends to do these little things as a way of showing me she cares for me, but rarely does the things I tell her that I *need*, which are FEW.)

I was NOT happy about waking up and doing this first thing, and my heart was aswirl with emotions after living with this for so long and staying up late on this message board working through everything. As you can probably tell, I am reaching the end of my rope and this morning I was really feeling it. She could tell something was wrong with me and I wasn't happy. I told her we shouldn't talk about it NOW because it would derail the study session and ruin the day. She prodded more, and I relented. The truth of the matter is that I wanted to talk about it today whether it derailed the session or not, because, like I said, I'm nearing the end of my rope.

What I told her was that I feel I do more in this relationship than she does. I go out of my way to provide for her emotionally and feel she does not respond in kind. I told her that although I feel the same way about her as I always did (and I fear of this goes on much longer I may not be able to view her in the same light forever) I feel that the relationship now resembles one of very close friends more than that of two lovers. And I wasn't happy with that. And I said it's been this way for some time now.

Whenever this issue comes up, she has a habit of trying to contract the time period. She couldn't fathom how I could feel this way "just because the last few weeks have been really busy for me and I haven't been giving you a lot of attention." I had to gently remind her that it's been well over a year. "But I thought things were getting better," She said. And it's true that there was a 2-week period recently in which we probably had sex 4 times, but she was drunk all of those times and then everything went back to the way it was before. I explained THIS to her, and then the conversation really took off.

I got to hear long explanations of how thinly she is spread (and she is), how busy she's been, how much stress she has been under. I pointed out that we;d been having this problem through various jobs and a long period of unemployment. No matter how hard she tried to cast herself as the victim I did not apologize, which was hard for me to do because I hate to see her upset, but I stood my ground and did not get emotional.

She spent most of the conversation very upset, but in a sad sort of way. (Later, she would tell me I need to find somewhere else to sleep tonight, but that comes later.) She told me that despite how much she has had on her plate over the months, she has always given me whatever "she has left" at the expense of what she "needs to do for herself." The message being that between me and the rest of her life there's nothing left for her in terms of personal space. I cannot even render into words the cosmic pain I felt over hearing that she gives me "what's left." WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?!? I am not sure if she meant it the way that it sounded, but to ME it sounded like I was not a big priority in her life, or at least not as big as she is in mine. She's always said that if things were to not work out with us she would "regret it for the rest of her life." Yet I would never, EVER consider giving her what's "left." She gets the best of me, often at the expense of other things in my life, because I have made this relationship my #1 priority.

I kept hitting the point of therapy. When I first brought up couples counseling, she actually rolled her eyes. I kept insisting, and she said there's no point in us going together if I haven't gone alone first. (She is in therapy herself, and has been for years.) She said I need to speak to a professional so that I can "better define what I need and what I'm able to offer." (She sounded like a textbook.) I explained that I am very much in touch with what I need and what I expect from her. I agreed that I should seek counseling (because I really should) but that I think that's a separate issue from our own situation. Finally I said, "I just can't understand why you won't agree with counseling with conditions. Can you do that?" Finally she relented, and agreed, although we agreed that it's going to have to happen in May because right now she just has no time. (I am sure if she really wanted to she could find time for it, but I agreed with her on this point anyway.)

So, for now, we are agreed that we are going to couples therapy in the summer. I told her if this doesn't happen I will be very angry and disappointed.

At a certain point, she changed from sad and angry. She said she was furious with me that I would bring this up now when I "know how much stress" she is already under. She said I should know how difficult her life is and have been sensitive to that. Well what about MY life? What about how much stress I am under? I told her that I am tired of casting my own needs and feeling aside, and that whenever we have this conversation she accuses me of not being sensitive to the fact that she has a
"lot on her plate." She got very angry and told me to find somewhere else to sleep tonight. "I mean, what do you think we are going to do when you get home, cuddle and talk about our day?" She calmed down before she left just enough to say that I DON'T have to sleep elsewhere, though I wouldn't be shocked if I end up on the couch. Which is honestly fine with me.

I only apologized for one thing. I said "I'm sorry this conversation happened *today*" Which is true. We are going on vacation together next week and I was planning on doing this after we got back.

But I'm happy we talked about it. I feel empowered. She feels wronged by me, but I can't change that. Relationships need to be mutual. I'm not saying I am perfect. Lord knows I am not. But I need to be heard and looked after just like anyone else does. I will not be put aside. I will not be told that my desires are crude or insignificant. I am not asking for some crazy fetish. I don't want to pee on her face or have sex in public. Damnit, it just want to relate sexually to the person I live with and feel sexual about. If she can't come around to understanding this, I'll have to take measures.

I am beginning to wonder whether she has it in her at this point in her life to actually be in a relationship.

[VincenzoG91]

I hope this isn't an expensive vacation, because it's looking like your plans might fall through.

Still, I think you did the right thing by getting this discussion out in the open with her. If you're such a low priority in her life and she's not willing to change that, I hope you're ready to end the relationship, because I think that's the only reasonable option left. I suppose you could wait until May on the therapy thing, but for this kind of situation, May is a really long time in the future, and it's unlikely that you will both be able to tolerate the status quo until then.

[vashti]

Actually, Wellbutrin is associated with a 22% rate of sexual dysfunction, which is a pretty good statistic considering most antidepressants are associated with a 40% rate.

[OneQuestion]

Actually, Wellbutrin is associated with a 22% rate of sexual dysfunction, which is a pretty good statistic considering most antidepressants are associated with a 40% rate.

I've hard antidepressants cause ED. and 40% of them... wow.. no wonder a lot of people say anti depressants don't work... how could you be happy if your dick won't get hard...

[ftm]

Actually, Wellbutrin is associated with a 22% rate of sexual dysfunction, which is a pretty good statistic considering most antidepressants are associated with a 40% rate.

I actually brought this up to her tonight. She says it refers to disfunction, not NON function. Says that her complete lack of sex drive is a totally different thing. (She always tells this story about how she was on a different combination of meds for a while that keps her from being able to orgasm. So, she went to her doctor and said, 'We have to fix this. I can't be like this. I mean, I have a boyfriend." Of course, she hasn't seemed as indignant when it comes to this time around. Her therapist says we'll just both have to "be patient" until her sex drive comes back, and that answer has been good enough for her to stick with it.)

I hope this isn't an expensive vacation, because it's looking like your plans might fall through.

Oh, the trip is happening. It's to see both of our families. We can't crap out. But, let me tell you, if the vacation is anything like how things were tonight, it's going to be an uncomfortable one. Id say it's a good thing we booked a room with two beds.

Still, I think you did the right thing by getting this discussion out in the open with her. If you're such a low priority in her life and she's not willing to change that, I hope you're ready to end the relationship, because I think that's the only reasonable option left. I suppose you could wait until May on the therapy thing, but for this kind of situation, May is a really long time in the future, and it's unlikely that you will both be able to tolerate the status quo until then.

May is a really long time. I am going to have to wait. A long long time ago we made a promise to each other that if we came up against really serious problems we would go to counseling before considering ending the relationship. I am going to keep this promise.

She's really mad at me. Tonight she talked about a lot of feelings she's having, none of which were ever my intention. She says she doesn't feel "safe" around me anymore. Not in a physical sense, but an emotional one. She says she feels attacked and accused (and in a sense she is a little right there, although I was very diplomatic this morning) and that she no longer gets the sense from me that she can just be herself and not have to worry about anything. She says that our relationship without the sex is more than enough for her, and that the fact that it's not for me means I must not care about the relationship as much as I've always said that I do. She says it seems like sex is all I care about, and that "there's more to a relationship than sex," as if I am some kind of child. I can't figure out how to make her understand that I need sex in my relationship the way that she needs me to want to hear about her day. For me, it's the same stuff.

It was a cold, cold night in my house. She barely looked at me. We've agreed to share the bed, but there;'s to be no touching. She's suggested we "put things on hold" until May, since she's not capable of giving me what I want and I'm not capable of shutting up and putting up with how things are. I have a feeling we'll probably end up reaching some kind of reconciliation over the next week or two, but we'll see. I feel awful about how things are between us right now. It's never been like this. But even after all of the bickering over it tonight, I do not regret the conversation we had this morning. There are a lot of things I needed to say and I am glad to have finally said them.

She told me tonight that she will no longer "allow or expect" me reading to her at night, or helping her with homework, or really doing anything for her. She says it's not fair since she won't be doing for me the things that I want. She also spoke disparagingly about me equating my need for sexual contact with her needs, as though my needs are crude and barbaric. ("I do so much for you and none of it is enough.") It makes me feel dirty and ugly when she talks that way. I can believe this is the same woman who once wanted to have sex with me on a stoop in Greenwich Village. This is the woman that once suggested we give each other oral pleasure under a blanket on a red eye flight. She once lamented that I had never been woken up in the morning by a blowjob and declared she would get the job done ASAP. Guess which of those three has actually come to pass? None. Now it's like being with a different person sometimes. But I can't say that to her, because she'll flip. "Is sex all I am to you?" she'll say.

WHY is it so wrong for sex with someone I love to be very important to me.

She says she "can't" have sex with me. (Unless she has booze. Although now that I've called her out on the booze thing she says I have made it "very uncomfortable" for her to have alcohol around me or away from me.) That she has NO sex drive at all and thus can't even contemplate sex, think of sex, or do anything sexual. When in this state, she says, she cannot tolerate me touching her, or her touching me or giving me any pleasure whatsoever, since doing so would make her "highly uncomfortable." Although she did say she'd be willing to do it if it would "shut me up." (Naturally I will agree to that arrangement, although I can't say I'm not a little tempted sometimes.) I can't fathom such a thing, that even if I had no sexual desire I would want to make sure that her needs were fulfilled, that it would make me feel good to know she feels good.

How can someone not be able to contemplate making their boyfriend's body feel good? It would mean the WORLD to me if just once she'd just say, "Babe, I know you are really having a tough time with the fact that I haven't been interested in sex lately. Would you like it if I sucked your cock or gave you a handjob?" I hate to say it, but she's sucked the cock of people who meant far less to her than I do. And I have given her unreciprocated oral pleasure on occasions when I couldn't get it up and I god damned enjoyed the process of making her happy. But no; when *she's* not in the mood to have an orgasm, she feels borderline disgusted at the idea of making me feel good. And tonight she says that she gets less and less interested in sex every time I bring up this issue.

She says that me complaining about the lack of sex is unfair. "It's like if you were bald and I tormented you over not being able to grow hair." This is what she said.

Maybe she has a point. Maybe I am a selfish bastard. Maybe I am. I always thought of myself as one off the nice guys, and I guess I was one when I was younger. If feeling this way makes me an asshole or a prick, I think I'm willing to own that. But it doesn't seem right. I admit I haven;t always gone about this the best way, but I know what my needs and emotions are and goddamnit I am entitled to them.

I do have empathy for her situation. I was one in a relationship where I was not able to please my partner sexually and it was something I could not control. (She wanted a woman, and I am a man.) It's an awful thing. My girlfriend accuses me of being "angry at her over something she can't control." I am not angry at her for having no sex drive. I am impatient. I have waited for over a year for this to resolve. She says it's not long enough, but believe me, it's plenty long. I am frustrated at her not because of the sex drive, but because she hasn't OWNED IT.

Yes, it hurts to hear your boyfriend say every 6-8 weeks that he's unhappy. Well, it ALSO hurts to crawl into a bed EVERY NIGHT and have your ridiculously gorgeous, full-figured girlfriend quickly say, "goodnight sweetheart" and roll over. I'd take every 6-8 weeks over every night any time, man. ANY time.

Is there anyone out there who thinks I am out of line? Am I wrong? Please someone tell me if I am, because I've never known my girlfriend to be an unreasonable woman, and I hate to see her in pain.

[Doc Durian]

You've endured little sex in the last year or so, May isn't too far off if you care about this girl.

It sucks and I feel for you, mate.

Sometimes our bodies and minds can't help themselves.

Right now, hers and yours are in polarly opposite places.

You both sound unhappy.

You need time and probably counseling to work this all out if you don't want to lose each other.

Find something to do in order to take out your frustration. Go to the gym, take up a sport, and more importantly... spend time with each other.

Take her out for dates, dinners, outings, with no talk nor expectation of sex. Put it out of your mind and cherish each others company... or you won't make May.

[cmacattack1]

Wow. I felt like I just read a tragic book. First off, just wanted to say I'm sorry for your situation.

It kind of reminded me of my situation with my ex. I had a wonderful, smart, articulate, caring, beautiful girl that I won over in two months and she said and would do anything for me. Love to have sex all the time. The first few months are great, she dropped the I love you and wanted to marry me a month in and it scared the crap out of me, but I didn't say anything and let the relationship run it's course.

I became distant from her. I had a serious of issues with myself (depression, low self esteem, you name it) and I didn't open up to her. She tried the hardest she could to keep things together and fight for us because that's how she was raised and how she believed love to be. I would always just throw some excuses at her (work is hard, long, difficult, boring) just to get her off my back. She made suggestions on how to make things work, just like you were, although giving me some space wasn't one of them (she was very dependent). I think that was what I needed though if I didn't communicate to her, how would she know? It's like you need to be out of the picture for them to appreciate you and want you back in it because they are so used to what you provide and take it for granted. It is also the sign of an immature relationship. If you work so hard towards something and they just don't care or give back the same effort, what are you working towards? It's a two person job and if you cannot possibly pick up the slack on her end. It's sinking and she's okay with it because you are keeping the boat afloat with everything you have.

On the sexual front, I stopped caring about that too. She would initiate everything and it seemed sometimes whether I enjoyed it or not. Looking back on it, it makes me sick of how I acted and I think she had every right to dump my ass. Of course, when she dumped me was when I wanted to work on things, and the only reason why I probably still do is because she refused all attempts I had at trying to get back together in a broken relationship. You better believe how sorry I am now and how much of a better person I am because of what I lost and will never get back.

I never wanted to cheat on my ex girlfriend and she knew that. However, if it continued going the way it had, I probably would have. It sounds like your girlfriend does have some issues on her end (as noted by years of therapy) but if she doesn't want to do anything about it, what can you do? You are her crutch. You will always be there to keep her propped up when she falls. I think what you provide, any girl would want in a marriage. Constant continual devotion. You are a great guy and I commend you for fighting for everything you believe in.

It comes to a point where you question "what are you really fighting for?" You are recommending solutions for the problems in your relationship and she is rolling her eyes and getting defensive. Sad turns to angry. It sounds like me to a tee. You are in something that isn't going right, but you don't want to take responsibility for it. It's the sign of a child. For some reason I had this mentality that this is what relationships were supposed to be like. Fun at first but they eventually turn into the boring, drone like lifestyle. It might have something to do with how she was raised and the kind of examples of love she has had in her life, but there is no excuse. She needs to be educated on it if she ever hopes to be happy in life. I'm sure she loves you and I'm sure she is attracted to you, she just doesn't know what is going on or what she is doing. She lacks total self awareness. Being a student sucks and I'm sure things will perk up when she has a real job, but that will only be temporary.

I didn't even think of therapy for my relationship because I wasn't very self aware. If you have this on the schedule and she is going to go to it, that is a step in the right direction. Maybe she is skeptical and maybe she won't open up but your therapist will pick up on that. Hopefully it's an eye opener. I really want things to work out and I'm really rooting for you. Good luck with everything and I hope you can make it to the therapy sessions.

I also just read the part where she says she has no control over it. It's a cop out and it's trying to absolve herself of her responsibility in this. You can't make her do something she doesn't want to do but she isn't even keeping her mind open. It's a defeatist attitude because while you may not have control over how you feel, you do have control over what you do and what you can do. It's stubborn, immature, and scary in my opinion.

Also the fact that she is being dishonest about how she feels because she is afraid of losing you and what you provide is probably is what is keeping this going the way it is. She might need to left in the cold to realize what she has lost. It's what I needed.

[Gigabitch]

I can't believe she has you thinking you're a selfish bastard.

I'd love to hear what her therapist would have to say about this.

[Freshly]

Wellbutrin was associated with 22% of SD but is now down to 7% after recent findings, it sounds like she may be suffering from a chemical sex drive problem, cant for the life of me remember the name of it but bassicly judgeing on what you said about past sex amounts, it is a possiblity, you said at the start she had a high sex drive this can sometimes be due to a chemical imbalance which normally results after a while with the opposite, a dead sex drive and in mosts cases increased stress and anger which dosnt usally help the problem. That being said I could be completely wrong but in quite a few cases really "horny" females do tend to have this imbalance and then completely lose all there "horny".
Also is she eating healthy and what is her exercise like? Also is she taking any anti-sickness pills at all? like procleperazine ect

[doppelgaenger]

In my opinion you sound like a complete, pathetic suck-up. The way you try to justify yourself and whine about the situation.... you treat her like a queen, but she is only your girlfriend. She's not even your wife. This is something you need to realize. You're not her indentured servant or her foot massaging peasant, god damnit. Furthermore, you're a man; an independent, 27 year old man. Where's your dignity? Do you have any at all?

Locate your foot. Hold it up. This is the tool you need to learn how to use. You need to stamp it down firmly and stand your ground. You want sex, and you'll get sex, other wise she's not getting a god damn thing from you, and you'll be kicking her ass to the curb with all her belongings, while you invite someone over who *will* sit on your dick and enjoy it.

Now it doesn't have to be quite like that, but you need to grow and show a pair. Start doing things your way. Stop making her life so easy. You're practically wiping her ass for her. If I were you, I'd start walking around the house naked, and leaving messes here and there. I'd stop giving her massages, and I'd read to myself at night. If she keeps you up, go to sleep on the couch, or shit, make her go sleep on the couch! Start ignoring her. Play video games, watch TV. Hell, watch porn. Jack off to it and leave an obvious stain somewhere... like her pillow. Leave porn sites up on the computer for her to find. Start talking about how hot people are on TV. Masturbate at night while she's trying to sleep. Make sure you moan extra loud and ruffle the sheets while you choke your chicken.

[SirWagginston]

It's more than fine to treat your woman like a queen, but only if she deserves it. Your girlfriend doesn't deserve it. Reading your posts made me mad at her, and I don't even know who she is.

[doppelgaenger]

It's only fine to treat your woman like a queen if she treats you like a king. Relationships are meant to be mutual.

[vashti]

I actually brought this up to her tonight. She says it refers to disfunction, not NON function. Says that her complete lack of sex drive is a totally different thing.

Sorry, but she doesn't know what she is talking about. Sexual dysfunction includes lack of interest (in addition to inability to impotence).

[IndiReloaded]

I generally agree with everyone else's posts here, so not much to add except this:

The 2-year mark is generally the 'make/break' time for a relationship. Sexual incompatability is a very good reason to move on.

Yes, it sounds like you are good friends, but that doesn't make you good lovers and longterm partners. Did you read the other thread on here about the guy whose wife has told him to 'go find a slut' to have sex with b/c she's just not into him anymore? They have kids and she has refused a clean divorce. He's screwed, in every way but the simple one he wants and deserves.

Welcome to your future^ if you carry on down this path. Try to image how you would counsel a friend going through the same thing as you. Simply put, you should not have to beg/cajole/convince your GF to want sex with you. Its not normal. Time to move on.

BTW, I dunno what is happening to this generation, but I would find any GF who needs to take antidepressants as a huge Red Flag. I don't care why. If its b/c she has too much on her plate with a BF, grad school, whatever else then maybe she isn't cut out for some of the above?

There are plenty of smart, beautiful successful women who like sex, like men, AND are successful in careers (if that is what you want) without needing drugs to cope. I would encourage you to go find one, asap.

Good luck.

[IndiReloaded]

Here is the thread. Read it and be very, very afraid:

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/intimate-forum/39917-go-elsewhere-sex.html[/url]