Herpes vs (kinda)Cheating - - Your Opinions!!!

[civilgator]

OK, so I have a question for everyone out there on LoveForum. I was recently in a relationship where the following 2 events took place.

1) A couple of months ago while we were still together, my partner and I had sex, while she was aware that she may have been having a herpes outbreak. I knew she had the STD (she told me when we first started dating) but asked her to always be honest with me if she thought there might be an outbreak going on. She only told me after the fact and justified it by saying that she wanted to have a positive sexual experience so bad it was worth taking the risk.

2) After recently breaking up, I called one of her acquaintances up to meet for drinks. Things got a little carried away and while she did stay the night we did not have sex. A week later the ex comes around and wants to talk about the possibility of getting back together. I am not entirely against the idea but know it would take a lot of work to get to something meaningful. Regardless, I told her about my encounter with her friend.

She is now accusing me of a sin so hurtful that she could never see herself with me. I know well enough we will probably never be back together. But I have to ask, are either of these forgivable? Am I wrong to think she put me in a much more serious position than I did her? She seems so sure that they aren't even comparable in the "damage done department" but I beg to differ (and of course have a biased opinion, so please give me your honest opinions!)

[Doc Durian]

Why are you asking about any of this? You were broken up. What you do seperately is none of her business. While together, knowingly putting your partner at risk of contracting a lifelong std is criminal.

Don't go back to her.

[Mish]

I agree that while you were broken up you were under no obligation to her. Though, sleeping with her friend was probably a mistake. Depending on how close she was to her friend, you may have done her a bit of damage.

[Doc Durian]

Only if he knowingly had herpes and gave it to her friend during a flare up which he didn't divulge...

[QueenofCorona]

Neither action was exactly cool on either of your parts. She's obviously not an honest woman and you could have chosen to hook up with someone other than one of her friends but that is something she'll have to deal with between her friend and herself as well. Too much damage is done, chalk it up to a loss and move on.

[Doc Durian]

It's only "not cool" if he intended to get back with her. Otherwise, it's him dating. Nothing more, nothing less.

If I contracted an STD from someone who deceived me... I would take her arse to the cleaners. Nothing more, nothing less.

[QueenofCorona]

So you'd be cool with one of your boys dating your most recent ex? Really? Really. He did say he had been open to getting back together with the ex.... I'm not making light AT ALL of her not being honest with him about her outbreak. Two wrongs don't make a right though.

Also, I see no mention of the op saying anything about getting tested after sleeping with the ex....then messing around with one of her friends thus potentially putting her friend at risk. Cesspool of STDs up in dur.

[Illusional]

how are you wrong in this situation?? you were single after your ex.. does it really matter that the person that you dated or went out for drinks with her friend?? would it be different if she were your acquaintance versus your ex's?? i feel that you are not wrong here because your ex is blaming you only because she is hurting since she wants you back and she feels that you have already started to move on.

raverboy

[Doc Durian]

So you'd be cool with one of your boys dating your most recent ex? Really? Really. He did say he had been open to getting back together with the ex.... I'm not making light AT ALL of her not being honest with him about her outbreak. Two wrongs don't make a right though.

I cut a girl loose, she's out of my life. The only stipulations I have when someone is interested in my ex: 1. Keep her away from me. 2. Don't talk to me about your problems. 3.Don't talk about me to them, respect my privacy.

If they violate the deal, I cut the mate loose.

Also, I see no mention of the op saying anything about getting tested after sleeping with the ex....then messing around with one of her friends thus potentially putting her friend at risk. Cesspool of STDs up in dur.

He said that they didn't sleep together. I've taken him for his word.

It's entirely the girls fault as far as I can see so far.

The fellow has nothing to feel guilty about.

[Illusional]

honestly though, the author considered these two girls as acquaintances, which in my book, are just a couple of people who will say hi to one another at the mall and maybe ask about the other person's family, but nothing else.

raverboy

[Incognito]

I'll second Doc's viewpoint about an ex. Once you are no longer in a relationship the two people have no more obligation to each other, nor do they have the right to "claim someone as off limits" for a period of time after the breakup (even if that person is a friend).

Whatever you do don't go back to her. She put you at risk and you have the possibility of being with someone else now. I would insist, however, that you get tested before getting sexually involved with anyone else since your ex put you at serious risk.

[MVPlaya]

Your ex is a ****ing moron. Her 15 minutes of sexual satisfaction were more important than your life-long health? I would have broken up with the bitch and sued her.

But also, you are a moron for ****ing a girl with herpes without a condom. You don't take risks with that shit. Ever. But now you have herpes for the rest of your life so I'm sure that will be a much more poignant reminder than my words could ever be.

Personally, I don't understand what level of immaturity it takes to be willing to overlook your partner's willful infection of you with a lifelong disease for her personal satisfaction because she couldn't wait 10 days for a break out to clear away.

I hope they stamp her forehead with a scarlet H.

And as for the whole ****ing her best friend deal. Its really two-part: sleeping with someone else after the break up is your prerogative, if she wanted you to be faithful to her, she shouldn't have broken up with you - on the other hand - lots of people experience temporary break-ups and try to get back together, to some girls its practically an emotional test of what the relationship means to you, by screwing someone else, you've indicated it doesn't mean all that much to you.

[civilgator]

Thanks all for the input. I should clarify... I never caught the herp it was a false alarm. (Thank god) And I should have said "friendly aquaintence". They hang out sometimes but only because they're in the same ring of friends. They don't really care for each other. I'll be the first to admit I should have stayed away from anyone inside her circle and I apologized for it when she came back to me wanting to talk. But when there was no leeway, I compared the instances and told her I thought I had been a lot more understanding of mistakes made. She of course told me there was no comparing the 2 and that what I did was way more f'ed up.

Anyway, everyone rest assured there will not be a reuniting and I'll get tested, I don't operate like that! I just wanted to get some opinions from people outside the situation.

Thanks!

[doppelgaenger]

People who are dumb enough to jump off a bridge deserve to die.
People who are stupid enough to knowingly **** an infected person without a condom deserve to have STDs.

[OneQuestion]

you were broken up but you slept with someone else.. I haven't read anyone else comments... but I know from experience(my girlfriend broke up with me once, we got back together after a month)... If I knew for sure she slept with someone during that time, I would never have gotten back together with her.