Went Off Medications

[Aeradalia]

I didn't mean to, I arrived home later than I normally do and simply forgot to take them. I'm on Depakote, Risperdal, Zolpidem, and Cymbalta btw.. so a missed dose isn't to be taken lightly.

As a result the house was cleaned pristine, all the clothes were washed and folded, the refrigerator was cleaned, all of my homework completed, I sewed up two outfits, and never went to sleep last night.

If there was ever an doubt before, there isn't any now. On the medications my mind didn't seemed slowed, rather everything was clearer, my emotions made more sense, and the world didn't change. Now, my mind moves too fast... fleeting fragments of thoughts here and there with a compulsion to find something to do to expend all of this excess energy. Emotions shift like the shimmering of nervous fish.

Tonight I will remember two things: one, never to forget my medication if I can help it -- insomnia induces mania; and two, I'm skirting a thin edge between how I was and normality.

In the time allotted me (as I'm off for spring break), I've watched Pink Floyd: The Wall, and realized it actually makes sense to me. This probably isn't a good thing.

[QueenofCorona]

Wow, I thought I had insomnia issues.

You should get a little pill case and put it in your purse in case something like that happens again.

[Aeradalia]

That's a good idea, I think I will start packing an emergency pill case in my purse. I've assumed I'd make it home on time, I guess this isn't always the case.

[Gigabitch]

Enough with the Pink Floyd- that's just asking for it.

[Aeradalia]

Enough with the Pink Floyd- that's just asking for it.

It's not agreeing with the movie or album. Rather I can relate to the way one's reality can seem to crumble over time... as in the case of a mental breakdown.

Not many people understand what it's like to be confronted from the trouble within, and the few that do, rarely want to talk about it. It's a journey through one's own personal hell... and today I had enough wits about me to realize exactly how fragile I truly am.

[Gigabitch]

Pretty ****ing scary, huh? Do you find your mood very susceptible to outside influence? Back when I was depressed, I had to be really careful about what movies I watched or music I listened to.

[Sonrisa]

Could you please come over to my place without the pills? I need cleaning badly

[Aeradalia]

Pretty ****ing scary, huh? Do you find your mood very susceptible to outside influence? Back when I was depressed, I had to be really careful about what movies I watched or music I listened to.

The task of how to handle the disorder is still fairly new to me, which means I'm not aware of what may or may not be a trigger. Sometimes music seems to effect me, and then another day the same song or genre may not. Internal analysis has never been my forte and is even less of one now.

Rather, I spend my days at school with the friends I've made who are aware of my condition. Comparative analysis with how I feel and their observations has given me a little more insight, though it's a slow process.

Couple that with the simple fact that my mind alters it's moods separate of outside influences, aka mood swings. As irrational as emotions may be, they are usually reactionary to something tangible. For me, emotions don't always have a physical basis... sometimes I'm agitated without provocation... sometimes I'm sad on a good day, and happy in the face of insult. The rational part of me is aware of this and I do try to at least display the appropriate emotions, even if I don't always feel them when I should.

Thirdly, my patience wavers in light of all the above as one medication is tried, deemed insufficient, weaned from, and switched in favor of another. That is probably the most discouraging of all -- medicine selection. This is the fourth change since mid January. The side effects on some of them were unpleasant to say the least.

Sorry about the rant... but I do feel much better for it.

[Aeradalia]

Could you please come over to my place without the pills? I need cleaning badly

Cover the cost of the pills and you got yourself a deal.

(I'll take them after the cleaning is done)

[Gigabitch]

Meds lose effectiveness over time, don't they? Does this mean you'll have to spend forever walking a chemical tightrope?

[Aeradalia]

Meds lose effectiveness over time, don't they? Does this mean you'll have to spend forever walking a chemical tightrope?

Yep... I'll be on medications for life... there is no known cure for bipolar -- only treatment.

As far as I know, once you find the right combination, it may be like that for years before readjustment is needed.