Help. WHat should i do :(

[utzelf]

My first boyfriend of 3 years dumped me 3 days ago. We're both 18.
After Christmas he seemed confused about the relationship, every time I tried talking to him about it over the phone I would get a "I don't know" or silence after EACH question about it.

Meanwhile in person we always hung out with each other, had a great time and nothing seemed wrong like at all. We had a brief breakup in February. I was very upset I called him a lot and talked to him texted him etc. he eventually got back together with me before valentines day.

3 days ago we hung out,ate watched tv and slept together. When it was time for him to leave my house he seemed very upset so I asked him what's wrong? He just said "we're a weird couple" (I figured he didn't want to leave and wanted to spend more time together so I toke the train ride to his house with him) He then told me he didn't want the relationship anymore. I was upset and told him I won't call or contact him this time and that I agree with the breakup.

He promised me if ever regrets anything I would be the first to know and that he will make sure I get my delivery (I order things online and have them shipped to his house all the time). That's the last thing I told him before I left his house.

As soon as I got home I packed his ipod& a picture of us I didn't want anymore and express mailed it to him (so he definitely received it by now)

I haven't contacted him on the phone yet. I tracked my package and it was delivered to his house yesterday. He hasn't called me about it or anything (Which I find weird).

Should I sit back and keep waiting? My mom told me I was too available to him, called too much, hung out too much and never gave him space so he doesn't appreciate me.

What should I do? I know right now since the weather is nice he's probably playing handball all day and doesn't care that I haven't called him because he's busy playing . Should I keep waiting for him to contact me and at least tell me that my delivery arrived? What should I do?

I have a gut feeling that continuing to leave him alone and wait for him to contact me first will do me good in trying to get him back, but I'm also scared he might move on.

[Gigabitch]

Here's the thing- this is your first relationship, so you don't know that it's actually okay if he moves on. I know, I know, right now it's excruciating to imagine your life without him, but believe me, you're going to be FINE. You don't even realize how much your life has revolved around this guy for three years because you're used to it, but there is a whole big world out there and you are now free to go and check it out.

Forget about him. Forget about dating at all for a little while. Enjoy being single and having all of your time to yourself. It's way more fun than you think.

[Sonrisa]

and yes, your parents are right. listen to them when it comes to relationships, they've already been through it all.

[QueenofCorona]

I'm also scared he might move on.

I think he already has

I'm sorry and I know its an awful pain right now but its for the best if the both of you aren't on the same page. People drift apart. You and he probably aren't the same people you were at 15. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't really want to be with you. You wouldn't really be happy knowing he's with you just to appease you.

I say don't call him yet. If you don't hear from him in a week about your packages then call or whatever and ask about the packages but only the packages. HE chose to walk, so let him walk. Let him do what he needs to do. Don't be the sad, nagging ex girlfriend. It'll only make you look more undesirable. Listen to sad music or cry but don't let him see you crying. Keep yourself so busy with friends and family who love you. Don't wait around for him. Go out and have fun.

[Kaius]

I know it feels like the end of the world. I know it hurts like hell. I know you wanna cry and want to hold him and erase all thoughts of sadness.
Just know that this is a part of life that we all have to go through, and that things will get better. You will fall in love again....someone will love you back.
You will be happy. When I was your age, my 1st love sucked the life out of me when she broke up with me. I thought I was gonna die....or become a sterile monk.
Fast forward 18 years, a marriage, 2 kids, a divorce, and meeting the love of my life, I am glad to say I'm finally happy. It sucks that I had to go through so much pain, but I think without such experience,
I wouldn't have known what I wanted in my mate. Just hang in there. I would trade an arm and a leg to be at your age again. It's so much more fun to be young.

[asdfg789]

My 1st girlfriend dumped me when i was 21 after being together for 4 years. I got into a rebound relationship too soon after and it didn't work out either.

In hindsight, I should have just gone out, make more friends of both sexes, experience more of the world with different platonic friends.

I can imagine the hurt you are feeling now.

But hey. You're still young. Its time enjoy some single time again ! It's his loss and your gain

[utzelf]

Thanks for all the posts everyone. I wake up in the morning and look at them again and again.

I agree with Jazzy, I should continue with NO contact in benefits to myself and not him.

It's just hard waking up every morning and rolling over to my cellphone and realizing that he has not
contacted me at all about the packages, about me or ANYTHING.
Every morning I just feel so miserable, especially when its nice and sunny out.
I just want to go back to sleep and not wake up. Ever.

But sadly I do wake up.

I wake up very confused. Sometimes when I'm busy showering or doing something playing game, tv or w/e i feel happy (a little)
I'm just like "He'll call me back he knows its his loss, he backed away from ME again and I'm not nagging him this time... NOPE."
I will never know if he misses me or not unless I actually give him space for once.

I believe he should because I know i was a great girlfriend, i was always there for him, thoughtful (bought him 1 small thing every time i went shopping),
cooked once or twice, listened, made him feel better when he missed school, gave him a guitar for his birthday the whole 9 effin yards.
(Hindsight- never gave him 100% space in fear of losing him probably 75% at most, but guess its all wasted efforts since he left me)
I seriously never saw this coming.
Never saw this coming because when I first met him I didn't like him AT ALL, I was very hard with him.

And sometimes I feel mopey so I can't get my work done . The amount of schoolwork that has piled up on me is ridicoulous.
Then I wonder what he's doing and start to cry and sleep.

Anyhow I'll keep updating (great relief). I guess i still feel horrible because its only day 5.

[utzelf]

Today (and its probably to early to think about this), I was thinking about why my ex hasn't contacted me about picking up my stuff. Is there any reason why? Could this be a sign that maybe he doesn't want to end things? I don't plan on contacting him about that until next week.... I guess I'm still devastated, hoping to get back together if I ignore him.... guess I haven't healed at all. And this morning i thought i did. :'(

edit: I don't care about the items just the fact that he hasn't contacted me about getting them gives me false hope.

[Sonrisa]

Utzie, it will get easier with time. try to go out and make new friends or hang out with old friends. the reason why he hasn't contacted you about his stuff is men are afraid to contact women after they know that they did something wrong. doesn't mean that he ever will. and you shouldn't either. keep his stuff. don't contact him. EVER. every break up feels like a little death and only time and friends can heal it. i am here for you, keep us updated

[Gigabitch]

Today (and its probably to early to think about this), I was thinking about why my ex hasn't contacted me about picking up my stuff. Is there any reason why?

He doesn't want to see you and he's hoping you'll just forget about your stuff. I think you should tell him to give it back and cut that false hope thing off at the knees.

[Sonrisa]

i think she should refrain from all contact and forget about her things

[utzelf]

He doesn't want to see you and he's hoping you'll just forget about your stuff. I think you should tell him to give it back and cut that false hope thing off at the knees.

Posting on this forum has been a great aid. All i ever get from my mom is "oh he'll call, he'll call you just wait. dont cry hes definitely not crying etc". Sometimes the reality check I get here hurts just as much or more than the breakup. I can NOT believe he doesn't want to see me [ouch]. Now i'm scared to even think about my package shipment (Which was only a bikini and shoes i was going to wear on the trip we had planed to the beach together). Contacting him about them for now is out of the books for me... at least this week.

I just want to cool down i need a NEW life. This is not how i wanna die :'(

[Gigabitch]

He's just a blip. He seems big now because you don't have much perspective, since it just happened.

[utzelf]

So. Today I finally contacted him. I basically just asked about my package and he was like "what package"..."oh yea its here."
He then said He had to go because he said he's going to go see his dad in the hospital with his Grandparents.
He said he will drop my package off Monday. I told him i wasn't going to be home Monday. (I don't want to see him)
He then said "oh why what are you doing"
I told him I was volunteering.
He said Volunteering for what?
And I didn't tell him.
He then got mad and told me "I'm playing games" and that I don't mean anything to him and
"tell me when your coming for your package. I'll leave it OUTSIDE for you"
(at that point i just wanted to cry, what happened to the guy that WOULD never do something like that, what happened to the guy that would bike ride 4miles to my house at 5am just to tell me he "cares")

I told him he shouldn't be yelling at me like that because He knows I NEVER did anything bad to him.
He got quiet and said "yea" and I just told him to call me back when he returns from the hospital.

I feel so confused because, I feel like I deserve more appreciation than that, I literally feel like he's treating me like 2 cents recently but I'm like "I never did anything bad to him EVER" so maybe it's just in my head. Maybe we need to talk in person.

But then I think to myself
it doesn't matter how pretty I look, he will only treat me nice while i'm in his face and as soon as i go home I don't exist to him.

I feel like I should have listened to everyone who has told me since 2008 that I was "too good for him" and that he was ugly, and that I could do better. But i never listened because I don't think looks are everything. And in the past I agreed, He isn't aesthetically perfect but then one day I just magically didn't care and just liked him because he always wanted to be with me. And since i realized that, I wanted to keep him and always have him. It's what made him different to me besides him being Ukrainian (I'm Spanish)

At this point. I don't know what I want anymore, I cant move on. I should step back, but I'm scared, I cant stop crying.
It's just. It all HURTS, all the money I had spent (most of time we were out I usually paid +gifts), my wasted time thinking that I ment something to him, the "why didn't you tell me this earlier dilemma" It's just all too hard to swallow. And I cant. I honestly rather die.

Just wish I knew wth has gotten into him. Why doesn't he love me anymore as if I did something bad. Where did I go wrong. Did I smother him? I feel so "bipolar" about this whole thing because I want him back yet I feel like he doesn't deserve me, but heck I still want him back.

I think I should go with my cousin to pick up my things Monday, I don't think I should go alone. That way I wont feel alone walking out the door.

[cmacattack1]

I know you want answers and you want the pain to go away. It doesn't sound like either is going to happen as quickly as you want it. Talking to him and having him treat you like that just really opened the wound again and that's why you are feeling horrible right now. In a way, him treating you like that is helping you detach from him because he isn't the person you fell in love with now. But he's not going to magically change and swoop in and whisk you off your feet and say "I'm sorry, I love you". He thinks he is right, he is stubborn, and it's not realistically going to happen.

He needs to be on his own to really sort things out. Ironically, this doesn't usually happen unless he can't have you. As long as you continue to call him and contact him, even if it is about your stuff or something important to you, it's just going to further validate his decision. If you need your stuff, get it back and go into all out no contact mode so we can get you away from square one here and get you back on track to being the normal happy girl that he loved about you in the first place. It hasn't been too long a period of time, and it's going to be hard. Devote each and every day to doing things for yourself while taking care of the things that need to be done (school, work, etc.).