Fear Of Being Alone

[smooth operator]

I've been dating my girlfriend for about 3 1/2 months and for some reason I have these emotional mood swings. Nothing as far as anger, but more so of being lonely. I cant really control it, but if I dont hear from her atleast one time throughout the day (text msg or phone call) I get this lonely feeling. I havent been in a relationship in 4 years and she just got out of one of 4 years. I cant describe it but I guess I have developed a fear of being lonely even though throughout the the last 4 years I guess I had no problems. I think Im starting to become clingy, and that's something I could have never Imagined. Can anyone relate and give some advise as how to resolve this issue. I havent talked to her in a whole day and its about to become 2 days, but for some strange reason my mood has been seriously altered and its driving me crazy. Im a 26 year old man who doesnt have the most experience in dating. Im seeking your honest advise or opinions and please keep the BS comments and side conversations to another thread. Thanks all

[nickzxc]

Have you tried talking to her about it? Maybe you guys could work this out. If she really loves you, you guys should be able to compromise.

[JD!]

I can relate completely to this. Actually, I was so bad a few years ago a girl left me because she felt too "caged in." It was a really hard thing for me to accept but I had to in order to move on. Now, I know it sounds hard - and from experience I can tell you it is - but you have to TRY and not contact her. If you feel like contacting her ask yourself if it's necessary. If you only saw her yesterday do you really need to message or ring her if it isn't something terribly important? Try and check yourself before sending that text. As I said it's not easy, and I still send a message to a girl and thing "um, probably shouldn't have done that" because I only saw her a little while ago. After time it WILL get easier and the spaces between your need to contact her will grow larger.

Remember, she is with you because she likes you, if something is up or she wants to talk she'll call you. By that I don't mean always wait for her to call, but if you leave it go for a day or two it's no big thing.

Hope that helps. ;D

[all alone]

Well overall i guess it depends on the norms you establish at the start of your relationship. I've started dating this girl about three weeks ago, and when I did get her number, I didn't expect to have a ton of contact immediately. She asked me to txt her right away so that way my number would just show upon her phone, and that lead to a fair amount of txts early on going both ways (and not just one person initiating, each of us have a fair amount) . Three weeks later (yesterday) i didn't get anything from her for the first day since I have had her number (i didnt msg her either, so no msgs either way).

I guess I noticed because there was a lot of contact early on, however its not because of this one day that I am going to think that this is some sign that she's less interested in me. It just happens to be a busy weekend, we both had a lot on the go. And even if it wasn't, its healthy to have some space, right?.. Everything between has gone well so far so I don't feel on edge or that I have this need for my feelings to be reciprocated through contact.. i guess I am just comfortable with where everything is at the moment.

[Aeradalia]

You're just going to have to learn to trust her. Remember, this is a new relationship with a different person -- don't let experiences of the past ruin what you have now.

Many, many relationships go the way of the dodo because of insecurities. Don't add yours to the statistics.

[Incognito]

If you don't mind sharing, why did your other relationship end? Also have do you think that you might have depression? I did for years, and this led me to feel the same way you did when dating. Talking to my gf became the only good part of my day, my drug. Obviously that can hurt a relationship if you're with someone who needs their space. Fortunately I wasn't, although the relationship ended just shy of a year for other reasons.