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Thread: did my buddy cross the line, or am I asking too much..?

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    did my buddy cross the line, or am I asking too much..?

    I just started dating a girl about a month ago and so far everything has been going very smoothly between us. The problem isn't between us, but with my friend Will.

    When i was at coffee with my new lady and a few of her girlfriends about two week ago, they asked me if I had any single friends. I have a couple that I mentioned, however my buddy Will is a bit of a player. I didn't tell them this straight up to be polite to my friend and I don't want to badmouth him to people who havent even met him yet. I told them all hes a nice guy, but he has baggage from past relationships and stuff he needs to figure out, so i suggested to them that they stay away from him.

    Will has been seeing a lot of different ladies recently and a lot of the time going back and forth, then back to a previous lady friend. Problem is he thinks with his penis, and continually mistakes lust for genuine attraction. This has lead him to hurt multiple girls including his ex gf about a year ago when he cheated on her. Since then, as I said its been a real mix of going between one girl and another.

    So that was two weeks ago, and last night a bunch of friends are going downtown clubbing and I invited the girl I am seeing and her friends. Early in the night, I get a txt msg from one of her friends, Lily, saying that she was gonna be on her way soon.. I never had her phone number and later learnt that she got it from Will. Between the coffee and going out clubbing, a couple of my friends randomly met the girl i was dating and Lily at a bar and apparently they exchanged numbers. (big red flag goes off in my head right then)

    On our way downtown, I had pulled Will to the side at one point and I asked him not to do anything with her friends and he told me he wouldn't. Of course once we get to the club and we are getting our drink on and both Lily and Will are flirting back and forth, very obviously and noticeably. They ended up making out wtv, no big deal, but at the same time, I am pissed my buddy did this because I had asked him specifically not to.

    I'm afraid, especially given his history, that he will hurt Lily and that this will become an issue and potentially have negative effects on my new relationship. And it's not as if Will's player behaviour has changed recently.. Hell he hooked up with this girl on st-patricks day and invited out with us (she showed up later on in the night).. since he was going after Lily, he barely even acknowledged her. He also invited a 2nd girl, one he had been on and off with last summer and still goes over for the occasional booty call who was pretty pissed at him as well as we left.

    So now he is apparently into Lily, and he told they are going to go see a movie this week.. I am pissed that this happened in the first place, but im not harping on it wtv, it happened, can't be undone now. I just really don't want him to mess it up with her and then make things really difficult for me and the girl im dating because i have had some rotten luck recently with ladies and everything has been going excellent for me.

    My question: Is it okay for me to ask my buddy not to make a move on her friends?.. or is it not my place to say anything.. I know its not just him, she was fairly flirty as well, but Will is pretty smooth and a bit of a charmer, and I never any told her any details of what he has done (because im not gonna toss him under the bus either, right?).

    Opinions please.
    Last edited by all alone; 28-03-10 at 12:30 PM.

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    You gave her a warning, she chose not to hear it. The only way that what happens between Will and Lily is going to affect your relationship is if you keep meddling in it. Stay clear of the drama and you won't be caught in it when it all goes down.
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    I agree with MVPlaya. You have done what you can. Stay out of it.

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    Just make sure your girlfriend knows you don't think Will is going to treat Lily right. That's the extent of what's appropriate.
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    I think Gigabitch is on the right track. Its not your place to he involved honestly, as long as you cover your bases of communication with your gal
    "Oh Lord it's hard to be humble, when you're perfect in every way. I can't wait to look in the mirror, cause I get better loking each day. To know me is to love me, I must be a hell of a man. Oh Lord it's hard to be humble, but I'm doing the best that I can." Mac Davis

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    Well I hadn't covered it with her when i posted this originally but I did last night.. after some careful consideration i came to the conclusion that I can't toss him under the bus, and that they are both adults (young as we may be), and I can't be making all their decisions for them. I'm not their father..

    My girl called me when she heard they were going on a date, asking me if she should be worried for her friend. I told her that he's a good guy, but has some baggage from past relationships. I told her to suggest to Lily that she approach this carefully and not jump into anything too fast with him, take it slow. I also called up my buddy Will and let him know i put in a "good word" or sorts, but also mentioned that warning part. I also told if he messed things I would be incredibly pissed at him.. not that it needs to work, just it can't end horribly.

    Now i guess all i can do is sit back and stay out of it.. i've done my share as is. Besides, my buddy's past is fairly well known, if Lily talks to a few ppl, she will discover a lot, quickly..

    Thanks for the feedback.

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