A long, maybe confusing, question/enquiry/story...or something like that

[originalsince85]

Hey y'all

Been reading through a lot of the posts on here, there seems to be some good and well rounded advice. Nice to hear it come from people with all different kinds of experiences. Which is why I decided to register and post; to find out, if I'm a loser, simply don't understand women, or I'm asking for too much.

This might be long, so get comfy! It's not the most enthralling story in the world, but I guess I just need to get this out.

2 months ago I broke out of a long term relationship. 2 weeks prior to the break up, I had the most amazing experience in my life to-date. I was out with some guy friends, we had had a couple of drinks, and moved on to a new bar. A regular bar for about 3 years. I've often been there to hit on women and practice my social skills. In those situations nothing had ever amounted to much. Well, imagine my suprise when... I was standing chatting with my pals, looked up from my drink, and about 3 metres away a girl stood, by complete chance as I lifted my head up and put my glass down, our eyes met. They locked, and held, with a slight 'unbelievable' kind of smile starting on both of our faces. Now, this might sound lame so far. But I've looked many a girl in the eye across a room, I feel it's a good way to get noticed or let them know your not afraid. Never, had that happened, it was the whole 'across a crowded room thing' but just like it was straight out of a movie script. You know, the slow motion, the gorgeous girl, the music, the feeling inside, the whole...is this really happening feeling?!

Anyway, I got the courage to go and speak to her... Straight away she was friendly and interested, usually it takes a few comments or questions before reaching this point! Well we spoke and I said I would see her later in the pub/club. I went outside for a smoke, she was there. Turns out, she had a boyfriend, I told her I had a girlfriend. We exchanged numbers. A week later we met up for a 'date'. We'd texted quite a lot during the week. So far. So ****ing amazing!!

First date...we had sex, which neither of us had talked about or planned. Turns out, very unusual for both of us. And it was by far the best ever, for either of us!

I broke it off with my girlfriend (obviously felt really bad about the whole cheating thing, it hadn't been working out for a while between us).

So she broke it off with her boyfriend also. And a lttle while after, for the first time in my life a girl was about to say the three magic words first... When I stopped her from saying it, just to say the four magic words back.

Up to this point our relationship felt like something out of a story book. We were ecstatic.

It wasn't long till she started spending most nights at mine, she pratically lives with me now, but it's just not 'official'.

As you can imagine, as we spent more time together, we learnt more about each other. Sometimes I think we're so similar that when she says something, I won't say 'me too' cause it just sounds cheesey! Well this is where the things I am confused about come in...

She would go out with her friends for parties and social occassions, and her ex-boyfriend would always be there. She would often end up staying at his, sleeping on the couch, never alone though, it would be when other people were crashing there too. I was never invited out on the nights out, and I'm still not, because it's 'too senstive', or thats what the reason was for a while. It started feeling a bit wierd that she was seeing her ex a fair bit and I mentioned to her that it felt odd but I completely trusted her 100%. She didn't really say much, but think she was glad I felt free to say. Anyway, nothing's changed much in that regard.

There was a point where she was telling her family and friends about us and I hadn't said anything to anyone but my best friends. She said this really bothered her like she was my dirty little secret, it wasn't like that at all. So I started including her in stuff with my friends, trying to bring her into my social circle. So now it seems wierd that I'm not included in anything she does with her friends, so if we do stuff with other people it's always my friends.

She hardly texts me when she's out anywhere, which is fine, realise when you get carried away with fun you loose track of time, I do it myself. But she used to text a lot more, now I'm lucky to get a response...and if i do, its like 'nightnight' or anything else that can fit under 5 words.

I do trust her implicitly, at the end of the day what's a relationship without trust? So it's not that I'm worried she would cheat on me, and I totally, totally understand the importance of spending time alone with friends.

There are other things too, like she never says the magic 3 words in person, but by text. She often doesn't want hugs or kisses, only only when it suits her. (wierd for me cause all previous girls ive spent time with have loved attention.)

BUT ... the sex is incredible, she says she always gets butterflies in her stomache when we kiss still, that i'm the perfect boyfriend, never forget she loves me etc. But then she always takes the piss, and its ok, i like banter, but its just like all the time now. I think she is great, I have a massive amount of respect for her too, I'm just a little confused about the above things...seems she says one thing, but the way she acts is a little confusing.

I don't know if I'm just used to girls that are a lot more affectionate and vocal about their feelings...I just hope she's not trying to make herself love me, tyring to be in the relationship cause I seem like a good guy. I'm afraid to ask her if the relationship is still working for her because when I approach that sort of thing, I don't think she likes talking about it. She would say ye, or of course...and I don't want her to think I'm insecure. ((although....it may be apparent I have my insecurities...I was burnt real bad in the past))

Anyway.... my ramblings are over, if you read all this nonsense then you deserve a medal! And if you have any advice, at all....then you deserve two medals!

chow for now.

[Gigabitch]

I wouldn't trust either one of you as far as I could throw you. What would possess you to trust her implicitly? SHE'S A PROVEN CHEATER. Just because you are too doesn't make her any better.

One of you is going to get burned.

[cmacattack1]

I know that you are absolutely enthralled with everything and that she says all the positive things to you when you are alone, but when she acts differently when she is out with her friends and her ex boyfriend, you are nothing but an afterthought. It should raise some red flags for you.

I'm guessing she still has feelings for her ex. If he's out all the time with her friends and you aren't on her mind at all when she is out with them, whether she still cares or is trying to hide you to spare the ex's feelings or whatever, it isn't right. It's a form of neglect. I know you don't want to be pushy and it's still early in the relationship but it can't make you feel very good. Like you aren't even a person to her when she is out with her friends. If she's number one in your life, and you aren't in hers, this relationship is going at two different paces. I'm getting this feeling that maybe it's moving too fast for her (sex on the first date while dating other people?). Sure she is playing along but like I said the words aren't matching the actions.

I honestly wouldn't know what to do in your position. You could continue along and support her through this or maybe mention it, but if it continues to happen it's going to be a growing problem. I'd proceed with caution.

[girl68]

So you've been dating 2 months and you think she should involve you in every aspect of her life? Why? 2 months isn't much.

[cmacattack1]

So you've been dating 2 months and you think she should involve you in every aspect of her life? Why? 2 months isn't much.

She makes a good point. By all means, try not to worry about it too much but do not let the resentment build if it continues to be like this.

It's a tough call because I've never found myself in the position you are in where you want to do everything they do and involve them in every part of your life. It just reminds me of my ex where she wanted to involve me in everything and I didn't reciprocate the kind of behavior. And she felt pretty shitty about it in the end.

[davidtorres]

you just listed 3 things that you shouldnt be confused but still confuse:
First date...we had sex, look man your girl is a ho-e and your treating her like a lady. what makes you think shes not cheating on you? haha im sure shes done this to her recent bf. you really believe every word she says or your just that DUMB?

She would go out with her friends for parties and social occassions, and her ex-boyfriend would always be there. She would often end up staying at his, sleeping on the couch, never alone though give me a break. who/what are you? born yesterday? any guy will tap their Ex-gf if its in my house. hell if your not my gf and your just a girl that i like sleeping in my house? i would tap u!

I was never invited out on the nights out, and I'm still not, because it's 'too senstive', shes a hoeeeeeee lol

SERIOUSLY? is that puss-y that good?

be a man and stop being emotional about it. you know shes a hoe!

[VincenzoG91]

Relationships that start from cheating usually end the same way.

[originalsince85]

Hey peeps

Thanks for all your replys, think everyone has said something worth listening to!

I will say though, that just because either one of us has cheated doesn't mean it would ever happen again. I believe in giving people a second chance, as well as myself. I realize for a lot of people who have never cheated this is an impossible thing to comprehend - but you can't judge until you've been there yourself. If I thought that because I had cheated once I would spend the rest of my life cheating then that would be a sad thing!!

And I trust her because....a relationship without trust is just paranoia and jealousy. At the end of the day, if she broke my trust then then I would have a reason not to trust her but so far I don't. And if she did break my trust badly, well then maybe it's not meant to be. What I'm saying is, there's no point in NOT trusting her implicitly, if she breaks my trust then that's the end, but not the end of the world!

Yes, its just over 2 months, the relationship has moved quick! The bizarre thing is I entered the relationship with a very different frame of mind really wanting to just take is slow and easy. Certainly don't think we should be involved in every aspect of each others lives - we're not married!!!! Even then people need their own space form time to time! What I meant was when she made complaints about being a dirty secret and not feeling included in part of my life regarding my social circle...then when I do include her, she does the opposite to me.

She's not a hoe, but thanks for your input, I see your point of view entirely...because being her ex or another random guy those are the exact thoughts that would be going through my mind!!!!!

cmacattack1 - I really appreciated your post and the time you took to obviously think about it and give your input.

I think from what everyone has said, I just need to sit down with her and ask her what's going on. Whether she has feelings for her ex still, if shes confused, if she feels like she has to say the right thing etc.

Thanks again y'all!