Unsatisfied in bed by my man- would like a mans point of view

[Doc Durian]

There's something going on in that situation and not totally communicated here.

Whether the OP knows of it or not... I dunno.

I get the impression that the guy feels his masculinity is being assaulted (whether correct or not).

Repeatedly bringing up something about sexual needs... bringing in sex toys... making demands, all have the possibility of unnerving him to the point of doubting himself but not being able to communicate his feelings and thoughts...because... he's supposed to be "a man" and impervious to any of that. He's supposed to be the alpha bull in the pasture in his head.

Perhaps wind back or peel the onion all the way on this one, OP.

You may be pushing a great guy that you care about into a self fulfilling prophecy...

(or he's a selfish un-horny prick... either or)

[vashti]

I get the impression that the guy feels his masculinity is being assaulted (whether correct or not).

Repeatedly bringing up something about sexual needs... bringing in sex toys... making demands, all have the possibility of unnerving him to the point of doubting himself but not being able to communicate his feelings and thoughts...because... he's supposed to be "a man" and impervious to any of that. He's supposed to be the alpha bull in the pasture in his head.

Good point, and unfortunately you are probably right, but how should she handle it then? Pretend she doesn't crave an orgasm so his ego isn't bruised?

[Doc Durian]

Good point, and unfortunately you are probably right, but how should she handle it then? Pretend she doesn't crave an orgasm so his ego isn't bruised?

Break through his negative feelings about himself by not bringing up or having sex with him at all for a number of days/weeks.

Be intimate without sex (yeah, I know...it's a stretch... but it can be done)

Build him up, talk about feelings... express affections and love.... grow trust.

Drop the expectations and express themselves to one another.

Build a bond which can support openness and sexual intimacy.

If at any time she decides that he's just a sloppy self centred lover... she can turf him because that's a reflection of his soul.

...but she may just be surprised...and thrilled between the sheets soon enough.

Guys can have fragile egos, especially if they've been conditioned by prior unvoiced situations and relationships.

[vashti]

At the risk of looking like we have a gender role reversal thing going on, that seems like an awful lot of work!

[Doc Durian]

At the risk of looking like we have a gender role reversal thing going on, that seems like an awful lot of work!

She could lay out a path of beer and tacos from the front yard towards the bedroom where she lay rudely at the sexual starting blocks for an Ecstasy fueled marathon race of sexual debauchery...

... or she could just slip the E's into his beer with a Viagra and pretend to have fallen asleep on the couch in a provocatively startling crotchless lingerie ensemble?

(but he'd know it was a set-up and he'd be even worse off... in the long run)

They would have an interesting night though....

[Sonrisa]

actually you do sound like a child. what kind of selfish behaviour is this? i spread my legs now make me feel because everyone else loved eating my pussy. well some people don't like eating your pussy so you might as well use your fingers to orgasm and stop making him feel like shit for no reason.

[vashti]

on the other hand, why bother having sex with another person if you end up doing it for yourself anyway? And seriously, would a man ever tolerate a woman who never got him off when he was perfectly capable of doing so?

(Yes, I am turning into a demanding old lady.)

[starbuck]

I feel like the ideal partner should want to please you and not feel like it's some kind of chore. From what she's stated, her boyfriend just isn't interested in pleasing her. I'm with the posters who say that it's an incompatibility issue. The OP hasn't seemed to have done anything wrong here, to me anyway.

[Kaius]

There are plenty of men (and women) who would enjoy pleasing their partner more than pleasing themselves.
Don't settle for crappy sex. I thought I could endure it in my marriage, but it was impossible.
The purpose of sex isn't just orgasms and fun. It's intimacy and closeness...communication.
You can tell a lot about your mate through sex. If sex isn't good, then you are not compatible. Period.
Find the person who wants to satisfy you. You'd kick yourself for not doing it sooner.

[fluffybunny]

on the other hand, why bother having sex with another person if you end up doing it for yourself anyway? And seriously, would a man ever tolerate a woman who never got him off when he was perfectly capable of doing so?

(Yes, I am turning into a demanding old lady.)

EXACTLY!!!!!! thank you thats just my point!
will start again lol.

Firstly he never makes me feel good, never tells me i look good etc..he doesnt really show his emotions, ive talked to him about this, and said he will try to show me that he cares and loves me, he did for a few weeks then back to normal.
also i think its part of the problem because he doesnt show me any affection i always felt i wasnt good enough for him.
we bought sexy outfits but he never tells me to put any on.
i needed him to be apart of it and i feel like im just there for his satisfaction.
the sex toy ....mmm well it was a bit akward cuz i just felt uncomfortable using it in front of him, cuz thats how he makes me feel.
last time i used it he just led there with a fag in his mouth, and it put me right off.
i mean im not sex mad or anything maybe 3/4 a month but when we do it i want it to be good.

[Gigabitch]

Why are you dating this chode, anyway?

[fluffybunny]

because hes a really nice guy ....probably to nice

[vashti]

Nice guys are great, but who wants a "nice guy" in bed?

[Gigabitch]

Maybe a nice guy with a big, fat wiener who knows how to use it.

[vashti]

Maybe a nice guy with a big, fat wiener who knows how to use it.

Or at least is willing to go down...

I don't know - "nice guy" to me means he is passive, and I would prefer someone more proactive in the sack.