Men and Connection....

[Teddy057]

I felt very close to my ex before we started having sex. Sex just makes you even closer, it is the ultimate form of connection. Some men need to feel close before having it, although, about 90% don't. The 10% are the ones that are worth-while. This is coming from a male.

[Incognito]

Yeah, I think that anyone who has sex with a prostitute has obvious issues that should make anyone question whether they should ever have a relationship with them. Further, someone who has sex with a prostitute while married should be divorced immediately. Also as far as the book goes it is someone's opinion, that's it. It would be no different than you recording our responses here and publishing them. Just because someone's opinion is in printed form doesn't make it any more than what it really is, an opinion.

[Gribble]

These authors churn it out, like it's something only they knew.

That's because people pay money for it. You don't think he laughed his ass off when the check arrived in the mail?

[Rich]

I can say without a doubt, 3 things about this:

1. I am a guy
2. Me and the gf have not had sex yet
3. I feel closer to her than anyone. I love her to bits.

[xxazurexx]

That's because people pay money for it. You don't think he laughed his ass off when the check arrived in the mail?

I didnt buy it.......it was a torrent download, unpaid for.....oops lol

[the_robot]

I didnt buy it.......it was a torrent download, unpaid for.....oops lol

It would only matter if it was worth the money.

[Disillusioned]

People have what they want to believe buried deep within them and whatever they read will be interpeted with bias. Are you more interested in a "perfect world" or being validated? I suspect most people consider beng right more important despite what they'd say to protect their image and will have an easier time believeing what supports their opinions and an easier time rejecting what they disagree with. Nobody wants to look at how complicated the tapestry of individuals is so they look a little deeper than others but still fail to properly consider individuality and want to hurry up and support a conclusion they've already made. This allows them to seem informed and if they have a loud enough style they might consider themselves experts. There are general patterns to our behavior that can be subdivided by gender, geography, creed etc. but without research people pull numbers out of their ass they think sound good. What degree of connection are we talking about anyway? How do you know if it's a connection or if you're being humored? Why couldn't a prostitute connect with somebody? Oh yeah, because getting paid for sex means you aren't human anymore. Let's pretend it fits and throw it in a box, write expert on it and it'll be correct. I know people have been hurt and being jaded is understandable but anyone can disguise prejudice as an educated guess based on their own experiences and anecdotes that could very well be guarded falsehoods.

[Incognito]

Excellent post! I totally agree. I'll add that the reason that I personally said "I think that anyone who has sex with a prostitute has obvious issues that should make anyone question whether they should ever have a relationship with them." because using a prostitute is dehumanizing to the prostitute. Subconsciously (or consciously) the buyer views the prostitute as less than human, simply as a good or service. It also serves to reenforce that notion within the prostitute's own mind that they are less than human somehow because of what they do and how they are simply bought and sold. With that being said there are some people who DO indeed feel a connection to a prostitute, although the amount of people who act on this connection is probably very low.

[Disillusioned]

@incognito: If you hire a carpenter or mechanic, you still generally consider them human not the job they're doing or the tools they use. Trading goods and services for cash. Due to sex almost being the definition of intimacy, whether willingly or not, a prostitute has most likely sacrificed the status quo of that kind of intimacy to quite an extent. It's impossible to keep your work life and home life completely seperate and if we consider the level of intimacy again in this line of work, it would probably be tougher to keep the two seperated than most. That's where boundaries come in. We all build boundaries whether we're aware of them or not and sometimes our boundaries will cross the line of discipline into being disconnected (more often than not though I'd expect the boundaries fall far short of their intended marks). Keep in mind the level of intimacy you may have with a therapist can be rather profound as well. If anything I would think that feeling the heartbeat of breathing flesh in your arms would remind you that people in general are human and not just walking corpses trying to make money and protect their images. Granted you aren't likely to be privy to how a prostitute really feels, hence the expected lack of connection but, for that matter, you never really know whether any connection with anyone is genuine. Sometimes we have more "evidence" (which takes the form of intuitive trust, I believe) to believe we've made a connection with someone and the longer we spend with someone, we'd like to think, the better we know them and can tell what's genuine. Then there's people's potential as two-faced actors and liars. I see your point but I tend to be zealous about individuality and the importance of considering the potential beyond the patterns...frankly, it's all I have to believe in.

[Incognito]

@incognito: If you hire a carpenter or mechanic, you still generally consider them human not the job they're doing or the tools they use. Trading goods and services for cash.

Sorry, I'll have to disagree with you here. Sex and carpentry/mechanical work are not even remotely related, for they do not involve much interaction between the buyer and serviceperson. Sex is, as you stated, the very definition of intimacy. I don't find that getting an oil change from Joe at Jiffy Lube to be intimate in the least. I'd also argue that a penis or vagina is not simply a tool because of the pleasure that one gains from using them, not to mention the emotional connection that is usually present during/after sex.

I do agree with your statement about individualism over trends/patterns. There are some prostitutes that view themselves as tools for sale, and accept it. There are also people who have sex with prostitutes and become emotionally attached. Although there are exceptions to every rule (individuality over trend) that arguement cannot be used in every case, since trends typically do represent a majority.

[Disillusioned]

That's why I spoke elaborately about boundaries. There are degrees, not an on/off switch.