Truth or just a really bad lie?

[trillit]

Hi everybody,
I recently met a guy who seemed to be quite serious, even though we went home together the same night.. We both decided to meet again later the same week. That day when we were supposed to meet I didn't hear from him, so I sent an sms. He immediately called me up and said that he unfortunately could not see me that day because his father had been sent in to hospital and had been diagnosed with cancer, so he was very occupied with this, not knowing if he would survive or not. Which I totally understand.
But now I wonder if it is true... I have met a lot of weird guys, so in my world I wouldn't be surprised if someone lied and said that his father has got cancer, instead of saying up front that he doesn't want to see me.
What do you think? I think it is a really lousy and bizarre lie, if it is a lie. I mean you can tell a lot of lies but this is over the line in my opinion..
Anyway, when we send sms he replies fast, within minutes. And my experience of guys who are not interested is that they usually reply late, if they reply at all.
So what do you think, do you think he's lying or telling the truth?

[Doc Durian]

You won't get an accurate answer from this forum... if you're interested in him, you'll need to get to know him better and his family situation better.

Ask yourself two questions:

What if he's lying to you?

What if he's telling you the truth?

.....how will you know the difference unless you put yourself out there with him?

[trillit]

Thanks for your reply
Well I guess my question to you males is because I'm trying to find out if a lot of people could imagine telling such a lie just to get rid of a girl? I've met many weird guys so in a way I wouldn't be surprised, but at the same time I think it is an awful lie to tell. (if it is a lie).. I know that a lot of guys (as well as females) sometimes tell lies just to get rid of someone they no longer want to date, but there are limits for the lies right?...

[Doc Durian]

Don't doubt him, don't doubt yourself... proceed with the relationship if you're keen..

As a guy, I've had to break up with someone because of a family crises... and also used a family crises to dull/excuse a breakup at another time.

I'm not proud of the latter...

but you need to be sure, and you can't be sure asking online forums questions in cyberspace.

Either stick by him and go with it, or go with your gut instinct and never look back unless challenged.

[jamie2010taylor]

quick texting is a good sign. to be honest this is a delicate situation (if its not a lie) to have a relationship anyway and if it is a lie well you already know his answer. I would recommend just finding someone else because this is only a lose lose situation for you. although if you really do like him then take docs advice and get to know him a bit better, from this you can see if he is the sort of guy that would do that. personally i think thats too strong an excuse to be a lie though. if i were you i would go with my first piece of advice and you might have to part ways.
hope this helps,

[Gigabitch]

Offer to cook something for his family. If it's true, they need the help and it would be a really sweet thing to do. If he gets weird about it, you have cause to be more suspicious.

I know being involved with liars can make you feel really sketchy about absolutely everyone, but the truth is, most people aren't like this. Give him the benefit of the doubt. If it turns out he was lying, tell everyone. They'll all be appalled.

[Jimj]

Do you want an older guy's view? It could be part lie, part truth. Let's say he really doesn't want to continue with you and his dad is really ill. He possibly didn't just be diagnosed as such at the very time you met this guy, but possibly so. He may be using the illness to avoid you in a diplomatic way. GB's idea to offer food is good, however he might view it as another way to pursue him if he's not wanting a relationship with you, so don't be surprised if he declines your offer even if his dad is really sick. If you learn that the illness is totally made up, there's no future with a liar but a very miserable one. I hope this helps and will watch this thread and reply if you or any of the others spark a thought that I think might be useful.

[xxazurexx]

I'd take it that perhaps he wasn't lyng, but all the same as a gentle 'brush off'.....even though I may be wrong.
It would have taken him one minute to send a text and explain why he couldn't meet you and although he replied immediatley to your text, it was you that initiated the contact not him.

At same time and after only ONE date, I dont think you know him well enough to assume he may be a liar.

I'd just sit back and see what happened from here......but I certainly wouldn't be initiating anymore contact, I'd await him coming to me.

[trillit]

Thanks for your thoughts and advice. Well since I have only met him once I won't be cooking any dinner..
To add some information to this topic; when he called me and told me about his father he also told me that he wanted me to know that if he was a bit absent or if I didn't hear from him in a while, he wanted me to know that this is only because of what happened to his father, that he is very occupied with this, and that he really wanted me to know that his absence was just because of this. Now I don't really know how to relate to this information. I totally understand that if someone's father gets cancer one would be quite occupied with thinking about it. It was an acute sort of cancer and he was hospitalized and they had started radiation therapy.
Well if it is true, then I think it was a sincere and good way to tell me that he wanted me to know that his eventual absence is because of this. But I still can't get off my mind that he might just be pulling me a trick! I know I have bad experiences, which colour the way I percieve things, but still.... I mean why would he inform me that if he is absent it is just because of his father, if he didn't want me to think that? If he really wanted to "get rid" of me, then he wouldn't have informed me that his absence is because of his father's sickness, right? Then he could just have said that his father was sick and that he's occupied by that, but he probably wouldn't assure me that his eventual absence is because of this, and only this?
Oh shit I'm so confused!
But you're right about that I shouldn't contact him, I will wait and see if he contacts me.
The annoying thing is that I liked this guy! And when he called me to say that his father was sick and that the eventual absence from him was only because of this, it gave me a really good impression of him because it showed that he wanted me to know that his absence is not because of something else. Do you get how I think? I mean it gave me an impression that this guy is an honest and up-front-guy, who didn't want me to sit and wonder why he is absent.
OK so this became a long text from me :-) hope you understand my english, I'm not a native english speaker so my language might be odd sometimes :-)