what is inside a boys brain? Im ready to hear the truth

[lostlars]

Hi everyone, I just want some honest answers from guys about what they say to us girls.

My guy and I were together for 2 years, and on and off for the last year. We started as best friends. We never labeled eachother as bf or gf but thats what we were. We were living together and all. He would always say things when we'd fight such as, "I dont see us ever being in a real relationship because of the way we started.' We had been best friends and co-workers for months and hooked up drunk and it grew from there. I dont understand his statement because I feel that friends turning into lovers is the most awesome way to fall in love.

We did everything together like a couple would. We went everywhere together, kissed goodbye, valentines gifts, the whole deal, we just didn't have a label. He wasn't cheating on me because we lived together and spent every night together. Why the hell not the label? He would always tell me I am the coolest girl he has ever met in his life. Twice when he was drunk he told me he loved me. When I brought it up the next day he would make an excuse that he never said that, and he loved me but wasnt in love with me. He always called me his girl, yet told people he was single. It was THE MOST CONFUSING BS I HAVE EVER BEEN THROUGH.


Most the time I didnt dig into this bs cuz whats the point. Everything was so much fun and awesome minus the labels and admitting what we really were. We " broke up" a year and a half later. He totally cut me off. 3 months later I found out he was dating another girl and it was serious. I exploded on him, because I was so hurt that he had moved on that fast, through texts.This time he responded. Hed say things like, " I never wanted to hurt you," " I always told you that you and i needed some time away from eachother to see if we really had something and thats what this is," and " I could be happily ever after with this other girl and not even thinking about you..but i am."


WHAT THE HELL. I dont understand this guys brain!!! Please tell me what guys mean when they say shit like this cuz it drove me insane!!! Moving foward, he broke up with his girl, and asked me to lunch to try and recouncile our relationship. I agreed to meet him. Over lunch hed say things like, " I cant even look at myself in the mirror after how I treated you," "I would give anything to go back and start over with you,"and " I will never hurt you again I will be there for you however long it takes you to forgive me."


Although VERY HESITANT, we started things again. It began as a weekend casual relationship and grew from there. My feelings came back more and more over the next 6 months. I would accuse him of leading me on, because in my mind thats what he had done for year and we would fight about it. Finally one day after a fight he said, " I dont think I can ever be your friend or your boyfriend because you will never forgive me for what I did," and he said "You and I will never be what you want us to."


I got really upset and mad that he was leaving me again. He responded with," I still care about you so much and thats why I have to do this." We havn't talked since.

Throughout the 3 years when we would fight about the status of our realtionship he would say things like," I think maybe we are better as friends." I would say," look me in the eyes and tell me that," and he never could. Id always ask if he cared about me more then a friend hed always say yes and when I asked if he ever wanted a relationship with me hed say," maybe one day."


I dont know..Im confused. He could never say no, and thats all I was waiting for. He always addressed us as together and would talk about "our breakup." I cant move on because I am so damn confused!!!


Guys what do u think? Can a guy really feed me all this b.s to secure a friend w benefits?? Is he really confused or scared to commit??? did he ever care about me how I did him???? what does all this shit mean!! and why cant it be black and white and not grey.

I need to know the guy lingo so I can stop obsessing about what eveyr statement meant for the last 3 years!!! As it stands now we havent talked in 3 months and I am going crazy...sorry so long...please give me some opinions...hurtful or not. I am ready to hear the truth.

[the_robot]

1. Order your ideas properly, I read it trough and I still don't get most of the story.

2. Use line-breaks to make it easier to read, a text-wall so long is hell to read.

Not meaning to be an ass, but I can't really understand the story written that way.

[lostlars]

Wow that got longer then anticipated! Its hard to crunch 3 years into a short tale, but just know that we were unseperable. We worked together and lived together and were best friends for the first year and loved every moment of it. Then he started verbally and emotionally abusing me by saying all sorts of things.He was incredibly jealous and so confusing with the non commitment issue. We told people we were roommates and not a couple. Even though we fell asleep together every night in eachothers arms. When he says ill never forgive him, its for the way hed treat me, and the confusion of our relationship...aye caramba what a mess. I am 27 and he is 29. We have both been in our fair share of relationships. Why is this one so hard for us to move away from?

[lostlars]

ok I am new..lol I will go through and edit it. thanks

[lostlars]

ok I made it more clear. Sorry its hard to write proper when all these feelings are spewing out your fingertips!! Now I am ready for advice

[the_robot]

In my opinion it could be that he wanted to be "friends with benefits" or that he really didn't think a relationship with you would work, I can't get in his mind to tell for sure. However, even if he really loved you, being with a guy who is so insecure about the relationship and treats you that way, doesn't seem like the best choice... you are better off without him, keep the no contact until you get better and find yourself a good guy.

[lostlars]

Thank you, I honestly think its more that he doesn't think a relationship with me will work. He had brought up on several occasions my dad, who is embarrassingly racist. He is Hispanic and I am Caucsion...I could care less what my dad thinks. He has always said he wants a good relationship with his gf's parents and that was a big deal. Another thing is that I keep bringing up the past. We could have been so good together but so much went wrong that I cant forget. He thinks its too messed up to ever start fresh. Why did it have to get like that though? I did everything for that guy and was there for him through everything. I stuck by him even when he treated me like dirt. I never thought I'd be the girl here saying all this. He really did break my heart though, and love makes you do funny things. Romance aside, I miss my best friend. Yet every time we attempt a friendship (which has happened a few times) things quickly get too complicated. I guess I just dont understand why he was always so wishy washy and could never tell me his true feelings. Its like he didnt even know what they were.

[doppelgaenger]

What's inside a boy's brain? I'll tell you! Mush! Lots of mush! And that mush is made of bacon, beer, and testosterone!

Seriously, it sounds like that relationship isn't worth pursuing. You should stop contacting him for your own good. It sounds like you're getting strung along. Most guys are pretty simple-minded creatures. We're a lot like mice in a maze; trial and error. We have a one-track mind. This guy, though, sounds like a nut.

[the_robot]

I really think in this case, you should try to avoid contact with this guy, and I don't usually say that, but this seems too messed up.

When you get over it and have someone else, you could try to be friends with him again, but I think trying anything right now would only be bad for you.

[LailaK]

I know you wanted a guys opinion but...

some people just suck and they get off on f**king with your head and emotions. This guy sounds like the type. For the sake of your sanity, never speak to him again.

[VincenzoG91]

Sorry, there isn't a secret guy code. Some guys are just posseessive jerks who use women and treat them like property.

[dewilliams2]

I didn't read the whole thing...All I pretty much read was the title and whats in a boys mind?...boobies

[lostlars]

hahaha boobs..figures! Thanks guys! This forum is helpful. I don't understand how guys knowingly lead on people they care about. There is absolutely no doubt he cared about me to some level. What would make him want to hurt me by being so damn hot and cold. He knew how torn up I was about this whole thing. I also don't get how he did it. Was he bi-polar or something? Its like he planned out every sentence or text message to leave me without an answer and wanting more. Like I said earlier, why didnt he just say "No. I do not want to be in a relationship with you and we never will." How hard is that? Was he unsure or keeping me for sex? Whatever the answer is he could have saved me two very dramatic emotional years in my life if he would just be true to me and himself. He STILL hasnt made it clear, although were not talking now I know hell come back into my life. Guys ask why girls read so much into things and this is why!!! Why is it so hard to say what you want!

[LailaK]

Was he bi-polar? NO!

He was a d**khead. Accept that he's not a great guy and move on.

[lostlars]

I know...but its harder said then done considering its been over a year. I suck.