should i stop this now?

[giggleweed]

hey guys. i really really need advice on this new relationship. i don't know if it's going to be unsafe for me to get deep into this. sorry if this is long.

so i met this guy. the first time i met him he was with his second-last ex, he came over to my friends house to bring back her baby as he was baby sitting. he had a girlfriend so i didnt consider him, he was with her. i noticed that he met my eyes for a second too long, but i didnt think about it. then he left without saying anything. that was about 4 weeks ago, maybe more.

i met him a second time, nothing happened. he looked at me, left.
the third time was at my friends party. we were drinking, and it was really fun. we just talked and laughed alot. we made so much eye contact that night that my friends knew we liked eachother. she pointed it out to me, saying, "it was obvious." when we left, i asked if we was gonna be there tomorrow, he said maybe, so i said, "come, i'll be there at 5~"
and the next day he was there. we a talked a little, nothing happened because i happen to be shy, so we left. that happened two or three more times.

then on friday, last friday, i got really drunk. he wasn't there, so my friend called him and told him to come over. we went to his house, walked back together to my friends house, and made out alot, then had sex. that was my first time having sex. the problem with that, is that he was saying stuff like, "shit, it's too small. (the condom)" he didnt say that he didnt put it on, so i had assumed it was, and.. i was really drunk. so i found out during the sex that he wasnt wearing one, and i was like, OH **** but at that moment i didnt care.

the next day was really scary for me. i woke up feeling weird, good but weird. i left around 4, got home at like 6, it didnt hit me till around 7 that i might get pregnant. at that moment i couldn't stop crying. i didnt tell anyone, noone noticed, so i went to the hospital (cos the clinics were closed at that moment and i didnt have money for the day after pill) to get the morning after pill. i was really ****ing scared. i was crying a little the whole time, but i tried to keep it in. so i got it. the whole time i tried calling everyone i knew (friends) to ask them for help, to atleast come with me, but i was super ****ing unlucky and literally noone picked up. i wanted to call him, but i didnt have his number. but i felt better after i got the pill, safer atleast. i got home at like 12am. that was saturday, the day after sex. (i've started my period.)

then on monday and tuesday, i hung out with him, it was fun. i told him about the hospital, and the sex. all he said about the hospital was, "oh." that left me utterly confused and dumbfounded. i dont know if he just didnt care, or if he didnt really understand what i said. (i'm english, he's french. he speaks in english to me, sometimes french cos i understand a little. but he sucks at english.) since then we've had sex twice, in the same night. which was amazing.

but then tuesday, he did something which turned everything around. back to saturday morning, after we first had sex, he asked if i wanted to be his girlfriend, i said yes. right then he called his gf annd broke up with her. it was cruel. i didnt want him to do it in front of me. he met her and told her everything. SO TUESDAY!! we were hanging out, him, me, my friend and her boyfriend. later we met two of his friends, and they came with us. he basically made me go with him, to see his girlfriend, so he could get his ring back (that he bought for her, 300$). so we walked to her house, and walked up to her. he started talking, then i looked at her face. he shit talks about her all the time, calling her an ugly bitch. but she wasnt that unattractive at all. her eyes though. they were so sad, offended, and tortured. i wanted to leave right then. it wasnt right what he did to her because of me. he got the ring, and we turned around to leave. i don't know if she was watching, but he asked me to try on the ring, and i didnt want to embarass him infront of his friends, so i did. then he said, "it's for you."
i was seriously ****ing pissed at that point. and offended. and confused. he bought that ring, for her. for his ex, then tried to give it to me. i can't explain it. it felt wrong. i had to wear it for another hour as he walked to the bank and back to my friends house. it was like torture. the whole time we were walking i could tell that he sensed something was wrong with me, because i tried to be happy and say stuff, but i couldn't.

we got back to her house, i sat him down, and basically said, "please don't be mad.. but i don't want this." he quickly said okay, that it was okay. that was all he said. so i got pissed again. "do you know why i don't want it? because you bought it for your ex girlfriend." he just said okay, again. he didnt wanna talk about it. i know i rejected him at that moment and he was sad and stuff, but he didnt want to know why, or talk about it.
so we left, i asked him to walk me to the metro, and our friends came with us because they had to pick up their baby. we walked, and i was about to cry. so i just said, "you know what? i'm just gonna walk." we kissed, said goodbye, and the moment i turned around, i started to cry. i turned after him though, and i later found out he was crying too. i cried the whole way home.

that all happened between friday night-tuesday night... i realised tuesday that we had gone way, WAY, too fast. he leaves me confused and scared half the time.

all that might be like a normal relationship that probably wont work out, but i think this next part changes most of it.
you can tell, so, so much that he's so in love with me. he likes me so much more than i like him. so much that he tries so hard not to make me mad, or sad, so i think that's why he only says "okay" when shitty stuff happen, so i wont dislike him. i mean, he dumped his gf for me. in front of me. and he always shows me off in front of his friends. it's cute, but kinda disrespectful, in a way.
but i also realised tuesday that he thinks very differently from me. he's a different kind of person. he comes from a different part of town (him: poor, all his friends poor, brought up all his life like that, shitty schools and lots of violence. me: rich part of town, good schools, and i'm kind of a dork. we have a different mentality. sorry if that's offensive to any of you guys, but it's the only way i can explain it.)
kissing him, making out, having sex with him.. it feels so, so right. like i've made out with people before, but it wasnt the same. with him.. ugh. it just feels right.
oh, he has a baby. she's two. he doesnt live with her, she got custody and moved near the US (like two hours away) so he rarely sees her. he had another one about four years ago. but his gf at the time was a dumbass. she got drunk with the baby in the car, then crashed it, and the baby died. she called him on the phone from the hospital, and laughed, and said, "your baby is dead." that was seriously damaging to him.
one of the last things, the only thing thats really pushing me away from him is that he does cocaine. my friend told me a couple days ago, i confronted him about it, and first he lied and said he doesnt do it, but i asked again, and he said that yes, he does cocaine, but he hasnt done it for two weeks and that he's going to stop for me.
do i trust that? **** no. when he was sleeping, he kept jerking his body. like he was scared, and really stressed, and trying to get away. the first couple times, i was like, okay.. but he did it atleast 20 times in an hour. especially when i'de move around abit. i looked up about cocaine and sleeping, and it was a symptom... (that was before i confronted him.)

he's really emotionally damaged, i think. i wouldn't mind that, but he's been crying for the past two days about me because when i left on tuesday, i have ignored him since.. how can he really love me that much? he's only been getting to know me for like a week. i don't even know him that well.. is it seriously possible? i don't love him. i like him. i was going to end it, i talked about it with my mom, and she said i couldnt be with someone like that, its going to ruin my life. then i talked to my friend, and i said, but i do want to know him. she suggested that we take it slower, and that i become his friend first. i want that. so much. to be his friend.

tomorrow i'm going back to my friends house, and i'm going to see him and talk to him about this... i need to. if he doesnt listen, well, that's the end of it. i want to be with him though.

but i was also thinking, what if he tried to get me pregnant that first time? what if he does ruin my life? what if he becomes so attached to me that he becomes, like, suicidal.. or something if i leave him? maybe not, but it's a scary thought. i can't handle that.
i know i'm going to end up leaving him if he doesnt stop cocaine.
should i let him into my life? is it worth it?

btw, i'm 17, he's 21.
i'm sorry this is really long. i don't know how to make it shorter.
thanks. i really need help on this.

[VincenzoG91]

he started talking, then i looked at her face. he shit talks about her all the time, calling her an ugly bitch. but she wasnt that unattractive at all. her eyes though. they were so sad, offended, and tortured. i wanted to leave right then. it wasnt right what he did to her because of me. he got the ring, and we turned around to leave. i don't know if she was watching, but he asked me to try on the ring, and i didnt want to embarass him infront of his friends, so i did. then he said, "it's for you."
i was seriously ****ing pissed at that point. and offended. and confused. he bought that ring, for her. for his ex, then tried to give it to me. i can't explain it. it felt wrong. i had to wear it for another hour as he walked to the bank and back to my friends house. it was like torture. the whole time we were walking i could tell that he sensed something was wrong with me, because i tried to be happy and say stuff, but i couldn't.

Remember that awkward scene. Remember the look on her face, so that you recognize it when you see it in the mirror, because he will leave you the same way he left her.

Your concerns are quite valid. His poor background, his weird sleeping habits and his coke use are all really bad signs. I was involved with a meth addict ten years ago. Things seemed okay at first, but her sleeping hours got strange. She kept borrowing money from me so she could get her car fixed, but really she was getting her drug fix and her car never got fixed. To be blunt, this guy sounds like a selfish and irresponsible jerk, and possibly a sociopath. He would make a horrible father to your eventual baby. Dump him and avoid him, because he will eventually make you miserable.

[vashti]

How could you even consider being friends with some coke-head who was so reckless with a girl that cared about him? And who tried to give you someone else's ring? Listen you your mom and cut him loose.

[giggleweed]

Remember that awkward scene. Remember the look on her face, so that you recognize it when you see it in the mirror, because he will leave you the same way he left her.

Your concerns are quite valid. His poor background, his weird sleeping habits and his coke use are all really bad signs. I was involved with a meth addict ten years ago. Things seemed okay at first, but her sleeping hours got strange. She kept borrowing money from me so she could get her car fixed, but really she was getting her drug fix and her car never got fixed. To be blunt, this guy sounds like a selfish and irresponsible jerk, and possibly a sociopath. He would make a horrible father to your eventual baby. Dump him and avoid him, because he will eventually make you miserable.

i don't know. i think you're right, actually... i never thought about that before. i just looked up what exactly a sociopath is.. and, it fits, almost perfectly. he gets into alot of fights, he's been to jail. and he doesn't care. and he's so fake when he says that he loves me. and he does the money thing. (not to me, but...)
but he told me and all his friends before we got together that he didnt like her in the first place.. and my friend told me he was just with her for the sex.
i still think you're right though, and it sucks...

at this point, i guess, how should i break up with him? if i'm going to see him tomorrow, should i just bring him outside the front, and tell him that i can't be with him? i shouldn't mention to him that he might be a sociopath, right? (i'm pretty sure that would be dumb..) should i break up, and that's it? not talk or anything?
i don't really know what to do, i've never broken up with someone in the first place.

[xxazurexx]

He sounds a deadbeat.....the kinda guy all women should avoid like the plague.....he IS the plague.

Think about it. If he can walk out on his gf so easily that he was engaged too and for a girl he met a few times (you), he could soooo easily do the same to you and he probably will. He doesn't value Committment.....in fact it sounds like he has no values.

Run from him, as far as you can! There are 'decent' men out there and you deserve a 'decent' man!!

[xxazurexx]

1. He's a cokehead.
2. He's been to jail.
3. He gets into a lot of fights.
4. Walks out on his gf and offers the ring he bought her, to you....
5. He has no sense of the term 'Committment'......it is not a word in his dictionary.
6. Slanders his ex, calls her ugly bitch, tc, etc......(this is likely what you will be to him eventually)
7. He's full of shit......you dont and cant love someone, after a few dates!
8. He's a Jerk
9. He's a Loser.


How they treat women or have treated women from their past, is a GOOD INDICATOR, of how you will be treated further down the road.

OPEN YOUR EYES!!

[VincenzoG91]

Be sure to give him the ring back when you break up with him, unless you want a rude introduction to his next girlfriend. And bring friends along when you break up with him, and do it in a public place, so that there will be plenty of eyewitnesses and people who can call the police just in case he handles rejection as badly as he handles the rest of his life.

[starbuck]

Giggle, you know that you need to break up with this guy. He's bad news. I would do as Vinnie says. If you are afraid of some kind of violent reaction from him, bring him to a public place, like a coffee shop, somewhere where there are lots of people around, and break up with him there. Or have a friend go with you when you do it. You don't need to give him a reason, just tell him it's not working out and that you think it would be best if you didn't have any contact with him from then on. Then block him from contacting you.

He may demand more of a reason, but I'm willing to bet that he knows he's not good for you. He doesn't need one and you don't owe it to him. A reason would be appropriate with a nicer guy, not with a guy like this who will only drag you down with him when he crashes and burns. This is the guy you need to just get the hell away from.

And get tested for STD's, too. You don't know where this guy has been and you want to make sure he hasn't given you something.

[Gigabitch]

He didn't break up with his ex and treat her like shit for you. He did it because he's an asshole. I guarantee you this guy will never, ever do anything for anyone but himself.

You've had your fun slumming on the other side of the tracks. Now start appreciating the fact that your parents have provided you with a better life than the one you'll get if you keep associating yourself with this dirtbag. If you were my daughter, I'd be heartbroken over what you're doing with yourself.