Should I call her out on this?

[Rich]

hey all, hope your all well

I dont quite know how to put this, but atm in my relationship, it feels like I'm putting it all the effort. Like I'm always the one to kiss her instead of her kissing me, I have never once got a random text saying 'hey how are you' or anything like that and I'm gettin a bit tired of it. I know my girl has alot of baggage and whatnot and I know she's had alot to go through (which I'd rather not explain on the internet), and I've had to be strong for her but now after all this and we're getting through it, it still feels like I'm the one putting all the effort into the relationship.
Do you think I should bring it up? I know she cares bout me and I really care about her. But I really dont know if I should bring this up or not. Could anyone offer some advice please? Thankyou

thanks for you time,
R

[BubbleFreak]

Definitely bring it up. A relationship shouldn't feel like it's all one way. She might not even realise she is making you feel this way. Tell her the stuff you appreciate, if she cares she will do something about it and you will both be happier.

[Rich]

Thanks for the advice m8. I really appreciate it

[BubbleFreak]

No worries

[TAVS]

In my personal experiences, such behavior (hindsight is 20/20) is most certainly a sign that its just a matter of time until she gets brave enough to dump you

[Rich]

That crossed my mind too TAVS, but I actually did call her out on it today about it and it turns out that it was baggage-related (which I kinda expected I guess). So its put me in a bit of an odd situation really because I cant really press the matter.
Kinda sucks really, I love her alot, but its hard to have a normal relationship with her. I thought it would be better now she got over some of the stuff, but I guess its still bothering her... :S


Thanks for the advice all
Much appreciated

[BubbleFreak]

Just because she has baggage does not mean she can ignore your needs. If she cared she would've wanted to help make things right, instead of just making excuses for her behaviour. As serious as her problems may be, she cannot neglect the special man in her life, you! If she stays the same even after you talked to her then she sounds pretty selfish to me... But who knows she may surprise you.

[TAVS]

"Baggage"

You mean she still has feelings for someone else, but is afraid to be alone so is using you until she gets back on her feet.

[Carol]

If her past problems are effecting your relationship you might want to take a step back! Let her get a grip on what she is going through and if you are really important to you she will need to show you. You really shouldn't need to be putting so much effort into things and she really not give you anything in return- even if she does have baggage! I think sometimes women use past things to make guys feel sorry for them and excuse them for certain behavior but the thing that you need to remember is that her baggage isn't your fault and you don't deserve to be treated bad because of it! Yes- you should be supportive and try and help her but if your relationship is going to work she is going to have to put fourth some effort- it is a two way street!!

[Rich]

Thanks for your advice everyone.
Its baggage as in past life experiences and stuff like that, and she seems to be a magnet for badluck in general...

So what do you think I should do now? I know if I bring it up properly again she'll be really upset because I know she tries to be a good gf and I know she really cares about her. Do you think I should bring it up properly again?
If you think I should, could you please give me some advice as to how I should go about it? I hate seeing her sad...
Thanks, I know I'm being a pain and asking loads of things sorry lol.

Thanks so much for your time

[cmacattack1]

Give it some time and if everything goes back to normal bring it up again. Remember that while she has plenty of reasons to act this way, it's not an excuse. She has a responsibility in this and she has to accept that fact.

[Carol]

I agree- don't bring it up again! You have talked to her about how you feel not just wait and see what she does with that information- give her a chance to fix things or at least to show she is trying! If things don't get better will have to do something at that point but if they get better everyone is happy