Need an advice on being a 3rd party

[Nameless18]

Hi all!

I don't usually do this but I have a colleague who I'm currently seeing and contacting at the moment. However, she's in a relationship for 5 months now with another guy. She's left the company only recently but I do still keep in contact with her almost every day via sms or calls. We went out a couple of times and we shared bout lots of things. I found out that her current bf works in the same place as her younger sister and her sister had warned her not to be with her current bf as he is known as a playbo and is against both of them being together.

When we're out, it's more of like watching a movie, chilling at a nice coffee place and just walking around. I did call her a couple of times at night and we did share bout lots of things and it dragged on till the wee hours of the morning. Now, I do know she's attached and I'm not pinning any hopes on us being together but I'd like to ask you fellow forummers what would you do if you were in my shoes? Some friends have told me that all's fair in love and that I should not pay any attention to that guy. If she's contacting me, does it mean that she's interested in me for some reason or another?

I hope that you nice people out there would give me some suggestions if it's wise if I should proceed or any feedback regarding this. Much appreciate~

[xxazurexx]

Why settle for being 'second best', because that is what you are. If not, she'd be with you, not him....

I couldn't be 'second best' to anybody. If I wasn't a Priority, I wouldn't be an Option or an 'ego stroke' either.

Despite the fact she contacts you, she isn't with you and obviously has more interest in the one she's with.

[dewilliams2]

Hard to say...do you know she is interested or are you just a nice guy who will listen to her problems?...friend?

[lahnnabell]

She may suspect that you want more, but because you provide her with attention she might like keeping you around. It sucks that girls can be like this. She's disrespecting her relationship by engaging in flirtatious behavior with you and indulging you with the idea that you COULD be together. Sounds like a bunch of BS and I think you should cut your losses.

[Jas_mine]

Define 'seeing'. Does it mean that you just hang out as friends or does it refer to something a tad more physical? If it's the former then it's the classic do I ruin the friendship by asking for more scenario - I mean, she either just views you as a close friend whose company she thoroughly enjoys or she is in fact quite fond of you but too scared to test the waters in which case I would give you the green light and say that you should just pluck up the courage and tell her that you like her, you know, as more than a friend. Just put it out there if you are willing to risk the friendship. After all, life is about options, and by telling her how you feel you are providing her with another option. As long as you are just simply stating your intentions, and not demanding and harrassing her to choose, well it's a-okay according to moi.

However... if it's the latter, that you guys are already sharing some form of romantic intimacy then well, sorry to say but you are just playing second fiddle to her real, actual boyfriend. If she wanted you then she would have ditched him, it really is that simple - sometimes things really are just black and white, we complicate them by adding shades of grey. And besides, do you actually fancy sharing your woman, going halves on her with some other dude? Go get yourself a whole woman I say!

[Nameless18]

Hard to say...do you know she is interested or are you just a nice guy who will listen to her problems?...friend?

Hi there. I guess I'm still within the friend zone as I do not intend on going further while she's still in a r/s.

[Nameless18]

Define 'seeing'. Does it mean that you just hang out as friends or does it refer to something a tad more physical? If it's the former then it's the classic do I ruin the friendship by asking for more scenario - I mean, she either just views you as a close friend whose company she thoroughly enjoys or she is in fact quite fond of you but too scared to test the waters in which case I would give you the green light and say that you should just pluck up the courage and tell her that you like her, you know, as more than a friend. Just put it out there if you are willing to risk the friendship. After all, life is about options, and by telling her how you feel you are providing her with another option. As long as you are just simply stating your intentions, and not demanding and harrassing her to choose, well it's a-okay according to moi.

However... if it's the latter, that you guys are already sharing some form of romantic intimacy then well, sorry to say but you are just playing second fiddle to her real, actual boyfriend. If she wanted you then she would have ditched him, it really is that simple - sometimes things really are just black and white, we complicate them by adding shades of grey. And besides, do you actually fancy sharing your woman, going halves on her with some other dude? Go get yourself a whole woman I say!

By seeing, I mean like heading out for diner, chatting and then sending her home. It's not so much physical but I do some minor physical stuff like touching her cheeks and patting her on her head. Nothing more as I don't wanna scare her off into thinking that I have some ulterior motives in asking her out. She does mention her bf now and then but I just let it pass as I don't wanna end up talking about him at all. Meanwhile, it's been a blast just talking to her and taking her out for bike rides while she's behind me and at times, I do secretly hope that things will go bad in her r/s with her bf. I know that's mean but I try not to think about it.

[Nameless18]

She may suspect that you want more, but because you provide her with attention she might like keeping you around. It sucks that girls can be like this. She's disrespecting her relationship by engaging in flirtatious behavior with you and indulging you with the idea that you COULD be together. Sounds like a bunch of BS and I think you should cut your losses.

Hi there. In her defence, she's not being flirtatious to me at all and I'm not sure if she's giving me the idea that we could be together. We have minimal contact while out and mostly because I refrain from doing so as she's in a r/s. Although I believe that her bf would not want her to be out with me just 1 on 1.

[lahnnabell]

Although I believe that her bf would not want her to be out with me just 1 on 1.

This is where you start to get into trouble.

[Gigabitch]

All is NOT fair in love and war. Have you ever heard of war crimes? Well, there are love crimes too. Sneaking in on someone else's girl is one of those, even if you don't think he deserves her. Tell her up front that you are interested in being more than friends and quit weaseling around.

[Jas_mine]

You should just tell her how you feel - that you see her as more than a friend. Don't push it though, just express yourself and leave her to it, let her mull over it. It does seem like she's possibly quite interested in you, why all the dinner and bike rides otherwise?! It's not something you'd do on a regular basis if you had a boyfriend, it's not the norm. But then maybe she just likes the attention when she feels like her boyfriend is neglecting her. I don't know but what I do know is that you don't want to piss the boyfriend off, don't think he quite knows the true extent of the relationship you share with his girlfriend, and he's going to be mad when he figures out that some dude's trying to muscle in on his girl right under his nose.

[Nameless18]

Hi all!

Thanks so much for your advices and I really appreciate it. I am still contemplating though if I should tell her that I like her though she has a bf. I am afraid that she might think otherwise and start avoiding me. I do believe that I would have to tell her this sooner or later. A friend of mine told me not to make the first move but let her do it. What do you guys think?

[xxazurexx]

It's a 'win win' situation, if you tell her.

If she likes you, the girl is yours...
If she walks away, you 'win' also and because it saves you wasting any further time on someone who isn't on the same page.
Free to find a female who will be on the same page.

[Nameless18]

I've done one of the hardest thing last night. I heeded everyone's advice and told her how i felt about her. Initially she was kinda shocked but after awhile, she said that she somewhat expected it. I thought she might reject and say that she only took me as a friend which she didn't. We continued talking about other things and laughed at funny things that have happened. She said that she prefers me telling her how I feel and that it won't change a thing. I'm just gonna hang around and see where this goes.

Appreciate all your advices people! =)