In love with a close friend, but long distance

[xRJ85x]

Hey girls, hoping for some advice on this rollercoaster I've held inside with a close friend I met in college.

I've been friends with her for 3 1/2 years now. While I'm not her best friend, we got pretty close in college. I always felt something between us, but it was never strong enough to manifest into anything. After I graduated a couple years ago, she attempted to keep in touch with me, but I was so busy and stressed out over finding a job, I didn't think to reciprocate it. I even forgot her birthday. After a few months, I finally got my life in order, but we had stopped talking as much over the summer.

About a year later, some friends and I went back to visit our college a couple times over a month and I met up with her. It was then that I realized just how much I missed her. I always cared about her as a close friend, but it was there that I realized how much I really wanted to be with her. Unfortunately for me, she was heading into her last semester of school, where she was overloaded with so much work that she became very stressed out. She's rarely available on weekends, and been obviously so stressed that she's been sick a few times.

I tried to get back to being close with her, but every time I called she would talk to me for a few minutes then have to go. Every time my friends and I went back to visit, there was only once or twice where she'd meet up with me because she said she hadn't seen other friends in a while (though I did get a weekend alone with her over spring break).

It kept killing me more and more, and I finally took the advice of others I had talked to and told her how I felt about her. I didn't get a chance to tell her in person, so I wrote it in a letter as apart of her birthday gift. I didn't hear anything back from her until I text messaged her a funny inside joke and got back "Hey, I got your mail. That was really sweet of you."

Obviously, this is about as unclear, middle-of-the-road as I could have gotten. So now I have no idea what to do. I was going to wait until after graduation to talk more about it with her, because I don't want to bring it up while she's stressed. But do I not try to contact her until then? Do I keep in contact with her, and if so, should I keep trying to get close to her or only small talk over text messages every once in a while?

[Envy]

You definatly sound like you have feelings there

Just try and build up contact. People in different places have different schedules etc, just chill out and accept that she wants to go out and do work etc.

Something worth concidering is how far away you guys are, what sorta contact you can make in regards to seeing each other. If it's a casual thing I know it wouldn't work for me personally, but if it was meant mega feelings then distance and time is no object.

[Jas_mine]

She's trying to dismiss your letter of declaration as it doesn't appear that she feels the same way, hence why there was no reply on her part regarding it, you had to text her a joke in order to coax some form of response. If she was interested her reaction would have been prompt and of course a lot more promising. You will make things awkward and possibly even begin to annoy her if you continue to pursue her, and so you will lose a friend in the process. Just let her be. Even with your friendship it seems like you are the only one trying to maintain it, there seems to be no interest from her side. You know, you grow up, you take different paths, you meet different people, you make different friends, and the friends you once knew were great but just don't fit into your new life anymore. I don't know, I could be completely wrong but just let her be, if she wants any kind of relationship with you then she will come to you.

[xRJ85x]

You definatly sound like you have feelings there

Just try and build up contact. People in different places have different schedules etc, just chill out and accept that she wants to go out and do work etc.

Something worth concidering is how far away you guys are, what sorta contact you can make in regards to seeing each other. If it's a casual thing I know it wouldn't work for me personally, but if it was meant mega feelings then distance and time is no object.

We're 3 1/2 hrs away. But my friends and I go up and visit about once a month because one of their GFs is still there as well. She also told me a few months back she may move close to me if she got a job there, but she's mentioned a bunch of other places since then. I've tried to be chill about it, because the thing I want first and foremost is for her to be happy (gifts I've gotten her, plus the time I took care of her when she was sick over spring break). But my worry is that while I wanna give her as much space as she needs, I don't want to fall out of touch with her. I actually put that in the letter: "We've fallen so out of touch that it doesn't seem to bother you anymore." My friends and I came up with a funny joke to embarrass her (in a good way!) on her graduation day. It'll definitely make her laugh. But it's through this last month that I'm wondering if I should at least send her text messages asking how she's doing with certain things, or should I just completely cut off until after she graduates and is happy and relieved, and looks at the bday gift I got her, rereads the note and comes after me....

She's trying to dismiss your letter of declaration as it doesn't appear that she feels the same way, hence why there was no reply on her part regarding it, you had to text her a joke in order to coax some form of response. If she was interested her reaction would have been prompt and of course a lot more promising. You will make things awkward and possibly even begin to annoy her if you continue to pursue her, and so you will lose a friend in the process. Just let her be. Even with your friendship it seems like you are the only one trying to maintain it, there seems to be no interest from her side. You know, you grow up, you take different paths, you meet different people, you make different friends, and the friends you once knew were great but just don't fit into your new life anymore. I don't know, I could be completely wrong but just let her be, if she wants any kind of relationship with you then she will come to you.

This is sort of what my good friend said as well, but technically she did respond to me. When I text messaged her, she technically didn't have to bring up the gift or even respond at all to me. Most people I asked said the same thing, it's really middle-of-the-road. She didn't accept me but she didn't actually turn me down. I would consider the latter more if she wasn't so busy, but that's one of the problems plaguing this situation. She told a few months back before I even started this that she didn't want a boyfriend because of how busy she was. And all this is why I wanted to wait til after she graduated. Obviously, I have to talk face to face about this with her.

[xxazurexx]

When a female isn't interested in a man in 'that' way, she will use the 'classic' line...'I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now'.

I smell 'no interest' and for you to pursue this face to face with her, will only make her further run for the hills.

There is nothing worse than a guy trying to coax us into a relationship and when we don't want one with him....GRRRRR

[xRJ85x]

When a female isn't interested in a man in 'that' way, she will use the 'classic' line...'I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now'.

I smell 'no interest' and for you to pursue this face to face with her, will only make her further run for the hills.

There is nothing worse than a guy trying to coax us into a relationship and when we don't want one with him....GRRRRR

It wasn't towards me. This was months back when I first went out to visit her after not seeing her for a while. She brought up how some guy at worked liked her, but she didn't want a boyfriend right now so she didn't know how to break it to him.

[Jas_mine]

Dude, her response to your letter is clear - you think she didn't accept you but she didn't turn you down either, I believe she didn't turn you down but she didn't accept you either - you see the difference here? You are in denial, you asked for a female point of view and that is exactly what you got, accept it.

[xRJ85x]

Dude, her response to your letter is clear - you think she didn't accept you but she didn't turn you down either, I believe she didn't turn you down but she didn't accept you either - you see the difference here? You are in denial, you asked for a female point of view and that is exactly what you got, accept it.

I know she didn't accept it. That's exactly what I said. She didn't give me any kind of indication one way or the other. I didn't really expect too much because of how she's still going crazy in school. I expect something more definitive after she graduates, when her head is clear. That was my point saying she didn't have to respond at all to the gift, even when I text messaged her. She was the one who brought it up, not me.

[Jas_mine]

Ah, I give up!

[xRJ85x]

Ah, I give up!

I get what you're saying, but I don't think your basing it off the complications in the situation, which is understandable because you don't know anything other than what I've written on a screen. First off, I don't see how you can throw away 3 1/2 years of good friendship, and how it can't be brought back if one takes the initiative and there was no serious problem between them before. Secondly, I can't stress enough (no pun intended) how busy she's been. I've talked to people who graduated in the same field and they say you want to put a gun to your head sometimes. Tack on the fact that she waitresses 1-2 days a week. She's flat out not in the right mindset, but I know she isn't the person who will just drop someone close to her.

My main question is what should I do as someone trying to keep in touch as a close friend. I know that I can only do as much as she lets me, but I don't want to push too much.