Moving in with the female crush

[Westley62]

I'm stuck between a hard place and a rock. There is this girl I've been friends with for years. back in the day she wanted to date, but I was in a long term relationship and it didn't happen. I tried to get with her afterwards and she was no longer interested. This has been going on for years, but our friendship has persisted.

However she'll want to hang out when I'm dating someone else and immediately backs off when I'm making a move. A few weeks ago we had what I considered a date which we have never hung out before by ourselves like that. She even wore make up. I was surprised. It went well and we even made plans to do it again. Nothing ever happened again in the last few weeks. Plans kept being canceled on my end or her end due to work/school but then yesterday she says she wants to move in together. This sends up multiple flags. I assume she has no interest in dating or she wouldn't say this. I have no idea what I should do. I thought we were finally moving to something more. She found an apartment that's two bed rooms and wants to move back into town and I to move out of the dorms.......... two weeks from now.......

Do you guys think it's possible to keep nudging her for something more while I"m living with her? Every time I quit trying though she tries to get my attention. I don't think she'd manipulate my friendship, but maybe she is. Also she's hot and could get any guy she wants, but doesn't.........for w/e reason.

[vashti]

I see a lot of potential for disaster here.... protect your heart, my friend. If she isn't interested in dating you, she will be asking you to help her get ready for dates with other guys, and you may end up having to listen to her having sex with someone else in her room...

You should have found a male room mate.

[Westley62]

the only upside is that she hasn't dated anyone since I've known her which is three years. I don't think that'll be a problem....I don't think. I'm in a really odd position cause she's all excited about moving in.

[lahnnabell]

the only upside is that she hasn't dated anyone since I've known her which is three years. I don't think that'll be a problem....I don't think. I'm in a really odd position cause she's all excited about moving in.

How is this a good thing? It just means she hasn't dated anyone in the PAST 3 years. It doesn't say anything about what her plans are for the future. You could potentially ruin this living situation by trying to get involved with her again. Is the only reason you're moving in with her because you think it'll give you a solid shot at dating her? You should rethink this.

[Junket]

You need to throw it all out on the table before you do something like this.

If she gives you negative, or even mixed messages, call it off until she sorts herself out.

[Westley62]

I know if I want to continue pursing a relationship with her moving in is exactly what not to do. Once she knew she had my attention she backed off. If she even thought i was talking to someone else I know she'd be more flirty.

Honestly I think i'm done now. I'm deep in the friend zone anyhow if she's comfortable enough to move in with me. I have no plans of trying to get with her, but i'm kinda concerned two months after moving in that might be a problem. We both like to drink.....at some point something is going to be brought up.

She has gay male friends and multiple female friends. I'm just don't understand why I'm room mate material.

[QueenofCorona]

I don't know. Things could get really messy there. Just because she hasn't dated anyone doesn't mean she wouldn't bring guys home. How would you feel hearing her hook up with someone in the next room? Horrible.

Not to mention mixing friends with money never usually ends well. It almost seems like she uses you as her puppet, you come in handy on her terms. I can see her abusing this.

[Neo(n)]

She hasen't dated anyone for ages, you haven't dated anyone for ages. everytime you find a potential date she gets more flirty to drive you away from them.

To me it seems like she's doing a lot of subconscious shit. She's using you as her coupless boyfriend, your a good mate which makes her not need a boyfriend to be close to. and this is why she hasen't had a bf in ages. She may not believe it but she does like you more than a friend she's just so used to you being her friend that she doesn't believe she does and therefore the high likelihood is nothing will happen between you unless you two get very very very drunk together and she's feeling lonely.

Tbh the best thing for you to do is to stay mates but not let it stop you from seeing other people, if she get's flirty see it as friendly flirting and live with it unless it starts effecting your relationship with your gf, or your gf starts to feel uncomfortable becasue of it.

I've been in a similar situation, with the main difference being the girl had multiple boyfriends during it. and this meant she wasen't interested. if she could get a bf and just doesn't then it's probably becasue of her unconscious desires.