Considering Moving

[caligirl141]

So this is a long story...My boyfriend and I live in San Jose. I was born and raised here. He was born and raised in Wisconsin. He has applied for a job in Wisconsin and is getting further and further in the interview process. As he progresses through the interview process, I get nervous. I'm not nervous because I am completely turned off to moving, but because it will be the first time I have moved so far from my family. Also I have a teaching job here. He has told me that there will be a bigger commitment on his part if this comes to fruition so I am not concerned about that. I am just concerned about not finding a job, and being so far from my family. Is this normal?? Any advice from others who have done this??

[Gigabitch]

If you have a teaching job, I'm assuming you've already gone to college. You're... how old and you've never lived away from your family?

[doppelgaenger]

I moved to South Dakota 6 years ago. I was only a teenager at the time, but it was still a difficult transition.

I am sure you will find a teaching job in Wisconsin, especially in a larger city. The only issue is that you will be completely dependent on him for a while.

[starbuck]

Perhaps your fears of not being able to get a job there are valid. Can you do some research on the education job market there? If there seem to be open jobs there, then you can rest easy on that note.

As far as being close to your family, that's a tough one. I'm guessing you're one of those people who are very close to your family and likes to see them regularly. Is your current boyfriend worth this compromise?

Why doesn't the boyfriend want to find a job in San Jose?

[lahnnabell]

This is a MAJOR discussion. In this economy, you have every right to be nervous about trying to find a job, especially one that is so far from your original support system. I moved across the country in 2008 (Boston to San Diego) and 6 months into living with my boyfriend, we broke up. I simply couldn't deal with his BS anymore and I moved out and in with a friend. I was lucky that my friend had a room available in her house, otherwise I would have been stuck at my ex's trying to find a new affordable place. And 2009 was not a good year at all. I was laid off last year, and forced to leave that house as well. Not trying to scare you, but you never know what situations you could find yourself in.

Is this relationship worth the move? Be honest with yourself. At the time that I moved, I thought it was a great idea as my boyfriend and I were 100% committed to making things work, or so I thought. Does your boyfriend just expect you to pack your stuff and go with him? Have you guys had conversations about how this is going to work if he gets this job? That should be at the top of both your priority lists right now. If it's not, then it better get there.

[caligirl141]

Thank you for all of the feedback. We have definitely been talking about options. The difficult thing is that he does not like San Jose and although I have lived here or close to here all my life, I realize that there are other places out there. There are definitely some tough questions I have to ask myself. As of right now we have been together for 2 years and we are planning on getting married. He does not expect me to just pick up and move. We are discussing whether or not this would be a good thing for BOTH of us, which is very comforting. I have never taken this big of a leap before. I guess part of it waiting to see whether or not he actually gets the job. Again thank you for all of the feedback. You have given me a lot of things to ponder.

[dono01]

My wife is from Texas, and we live in Pennsylvania.

Sometimes the distance is very very hard for her, but we know we have to be here (for work, etc.) She'd be the first to tell you it's going to be very hard. But honestly, it just depends on how your family is, and all that jazz. She would see her cousins, and even aunts, uncles, and grandparents on a semi daily basis. They were very close. It's like anything though, it just takes time, and planning to make it work. We're getting some visiting schedules down after doing it now for 2 years and it's all going pretty good.