what am i doing wrong

[taurus]

hey ladies please help ,
do ladies prefer to be payed out or like to be treated right
im a nice guy love buying flowers and i also write poems ,im always complementing the ladies but to no avail ,do i need to be mean and nasty like everyone else or what

[BubbleFreak]

No no from what you have said you sound like a gentleman! No need to be a jerkhead. You've just got to find a girl that appreciates that stuff, and also that doesn't take advantage of how nice you are, someone that is willing to give as well as take.

[LizzieLongLegs]

Hi Taurus,
I can only speak from my experience...
I do like to be treated well by a guy, but if it's "too much too soon" it can be off-putting. I went on a first date with a guy and he brought me chocolates. It was very sweet of him but it did make me feel like I was doing him a favour by going out with him and therefore led me to think he didn't value himself as much as he valued me (which is not attractive). We only had one date and when I told him I didn't want to take it any further he said he wasn't suprised as he realised he wasn't in my league which compounded my original thought.

I'd advise you to keep your gestures simple in the early stage. One of the loveliest things a guy did for me (admittedly we were a few months into a relationship) was to go out into the lanes round my house and pick some daisies, buttercups etc and leave them in a jam jar of water on my dining table for me to find when I came home from work. It showed real thought and cost him nothing but time and effort. I think small gestures that show you've thought about the lady concerned as an individual will do the trick eg if you know she loves a paritcular kind of chocolate bar, post one through her letterbox with a litlle note saying something like "Just in case you've had a tough day at work, here's something to help take the stresses away". And I'd suggest to leave it til you've seen her a few times before you start doing anything so she doesn't feel swamped.
Hope that helps, Lizzie

[unlit]

Personally, I hate poetry, and if I was attracted to a guy and he gave me a sweet poem about me, I THINK I would smile and say thanks but inside lose some attraction. It just seems pretty feminine and I like masculinity. But that's a personal thing.

Flowers and other stuff are ok in small doses. But I don't think I've ever been thrilled to get them. If it was something really really nice and special like a dozen, or even half a dozen roses - maybe even one rose - I think I'd be a little more impressed and feel really good receiving them, even if it's just like once a year. It sounds bad but I think it is because of the price. The small bunch of tulips or sunflowers I occasionally get feel like a very cheap way of trying to pretend some thought was put into in. In my mind I'm always like "Pretty. And thanks. But I know you got these at the grocery store down the road for $5." I'm not saying that I don't like getting flowers like that, I mean, they're pretty, but they're a single and momentary thing on occasion. I'd much prefer some form of interaction, like a text message or FB message (for some reason these means a lot to me in my relationship when I used to get them), that's cute or sweet or engaging. And I would love the text hearts. They made me feel better and happier than any flowers I ever got.

And compliments are nice, but complimenting too much with make it lose its luster.

But every girl is different.

One thing to note: just because a girl doesn't fall in love with you when you hand her a bunch of carnations and/or a poem doesn't mean she wants a bad-boy jerk. Don't rely on gifts and presents or even virtual messages and hearts to sweep a girl off her feet - it's going to be your personality. So to suggest that you see two options of how to bag a girl: give her sweet things or be a jerk to her, is very narrow-minded. Maybe this is what you're doing wrong. And you're only hurting yourself in thinking this way.

[sehvral]

Stay away from the poetry. If you absolutely have to, find a real poem by an accomplished poet and use that. When guys write poetry, it always sounds about as romantic as:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
You're really hot,
Let's ****.

If you're lucky, she'll fake a smile and pretend she loved it. If not, she'll just laugh.

Being nice is fine, but don't put them on pedestals. When you go overboard, it looks like you think they're doing you a favor by dating you, and that just ain't romantic. Romantic gestures are appreciated, but they should be done in moderation.

[xxazurexx]

Personally, I hate poetry, and if I was attracted to a guy and he gave me a sweet poem about me, I THINK I would smile and say thanks but inside lose some attraction. It just seems pretty feminine and I like masculinity. But that's a personal thing....

For me it depends who the poetry is coming from. A long term partner/husband and I'd go 'Awwww how sweet' and I'd love it, likely frame it and hang it on wall.

If it was a poem from some guy who had a crush/I hadn't known long, I'd likely think 'Gawd, what a right wimp he is' and I'd think he was trying too hard to impress me. I'd say thanks, but be secretly laughing at him.

Guys, you don't have to try hard to impress. Just be YOURSELVES and save the really romantic gestures for some girl you have known a while.

[Jas_mine]

Nooooooooooooooooo! Don't go all mean and nasty on us!

Us girls love being treated well but do it in intervals - not too much too soon as it is rather intense. Just play it a little cool sometimes, you know, sometimes all that attention and affection you provide comes across as desperate, especially in the early stages, and makes a woman start to question you. And go easy with the poetry - most women would probably find it rather cheesy and laughable. So trade the bouquet of flowers for a single rose - you get the same effect but not on such a grand scale - you are still thoughful but not over-the-top in an eager to please manner, it is less try-hard.

[unlit]

For me it depends who the poetry is coming from. A long term partner/husband and I'd go 'Awwww how sweet' and I'd love it, likely frame it and hang it on wall.

If it was a poem from some guy who had a crush/I hadn't known long, I'd likely think 'Gawd, what a right wimp he is' and I'd think he was trying too hard to impress me. I'd say thanks, but be secretly laughing at him.

I guess that may be true. At some point I might be flattered by a poem or song or something written for me. But I think it would have to include humor for me to appreciate it as I should. Humor for me is very powerful! Which is why I might actually like sehvral's poem But only if I knew it was written and given in jest.

[taurus]

Thanks a lot ladies im getting some great advice here ,what im trying to do with flowers and poems is take away the fact that i may look like the hard ass biker type which can scare a few woman of .i just love making people feel special in any way possible ,i only give flowers when i know they will be well received .

[LailaK]

Poetry is cheesy as f*ck. Unless you're Pablo Neruda reincarnated stay away from it. Flowers and gentlemanly behavior are nice.

You should be proud of who you are. There are women who love the tough guy biker type. My ex looked like a skinhead, redneck biker and I'm a nerdy black chick. We didn't look like we went together but my favorite part about him was that he had a rough exterior and was a puppy dog on the inside

You can show her you're a gentleman without cheesy poetry.

[lahnnabell]

OMG. I love Pablo Neruda. But as an English major who edited her college's lit magazine, I'm crazy picky about poetry. Lucky for me my guy isn't the poetry type anyway. And flowers... I tend to kill them, so I don't like receiving them very much. My boyfriend bought me two kinds of flowers last year when he found out I lost my job. They included two little card messages that said something along the lines of "You were too good for them anyway. Just know that I got your back. Let's go drink some Jameson." I carry those cards in my wallet still, but the flowers died really fast. He said he's never gonna buy me flowers again I'd much prefer him to pick me a handful of lilacs or jasmine as they are my favorite.

I much prefer little messages that show me he's thinking of me. Even tiny things. I was on my way home from work one night and he texted me that he had a surprise for me. When I got home he handed me a Jack in the Box pumpkin milkshake which I'd been wanting since earlier that week. I love tiny little things like that because it shows that he pays attention, and that he knows me very well.

[LailaK]

Neruda is God with a pen. XVII is my favorite poem ever.

[lahnnabell]

He can say everything I've ever wanted to hear from a man, and it's NEVER cheesy or overdone.

[cheeky&sexy]

Like some others have said, if its too much too soon its a turn off and would make me think u dont have any other options, n it can come across as a little desperate. If a guy is complimenting too much i either think he is trying to get laid asap or is trying way too hard to impress me and get me to like him. Dont be mean or a jerk cos thats a turn off. But dont care so much about being the perfect gentlemen either.. save the gifts and poetry for when shes actually your girlfriend.