I'm really alone with no social life

[nowomannocry]

All I want is a stupid friend it shouldn't be this hard to find a girl who only wants to be friends.

I have no idea how to do this and it would really help if someone had experienced advice.

[BubbleFreak]

Are you a man or a woman (I can't tell from your username)? Are you specifically after a female friend, or any friend?

I made some thread saying I often think guys just want to be my friend, but the great majority of replies said that men want to be more than friends with a girl, and would have sex with her if given the opportunity. This might be a barrier to you becoming "just friends" with girls if you are a man (girls might think you are hitting on them).

I've heard that when you're an adult it's harder to make friends than when you're a kid. It's probably true. I think just get out there anyway and do what you enjoy, and eventually you will meet like minded people. Or if you don't care so much about physical contact, you can make friends online.

[sehvral]

How old are you? Do you work, go to school, etc? What do you do in the afternoons/evenings?

Making friends as an adult is a bit more difficult. Usually, it is your neighbors or your coworkers, or people from some hobby (ie, a softball league). Especially in your late twenties. You're too young to hang with "adults", but too old to hang with students.

What kind of friend are you looking for? Someone to hang out with? Someone to get close to and confide in? Finding female friends isn't too tough (most of my friends are women), but you can't be ambiguous about your intentions. A lot of women still believe the nonsense that guys can't see women as "just friends" and can be suspicious. Not all, though. It just takes longer with women (goes back to that suspicion, they'll be slower to accept you most of the time).

[nowomannocry]

I'm a guy. I don't want to hang out with guys because they tend to be sadistic. There have been women who have tried to act friendly, but for the most part I get treated like a piece of garbage.

I really genuinely do wish I could just be strictly friends with a girl, they are the only people who make me feel like I have any self-esteem, and I know given the opportunity not only would I have sex with them, but I'd be content as a motherf*cker if a woman could just EVER be nice to me, EVER.

Also yeah, I'm in the process of getting a full time job, so that might help a little. It sounds like college is the only way to meet people my age without stressing about it. Because of the job market I've been stuck with doing absolutely nothing and wasting my days away for the past 6 months. My internet girlfriend dumped me since she never really was much anyway and I was fooling myself.

It's like this. I live in New Hampshire and it's been cold and clammy outside as long as I can remember. That kind of weather is really bad for trying to become social. My mom lives in Florida now and I went on the beach for one day down there and knew, holy shit I could make myself so much happier down here without any effort at all. Just running on the beach everyday where it's regularly 80 degrees I could lose weight AND meet new people.

One of you said it's harder as an adult to be social, for me it's the exact opposite, being hoarded into a crowded high school as a teenager turned me into an overly self-conscious idiot who only made friends with guys. Now that I have a life of my own to live, a year off before college is the only way I could gather the scattered pieces of my brain back together and do the things only I want to do.

[sehvral]

I'm a guy. I don't want to hang out with guys because they tend to be sadistic. There have been women who have tried to act friendly, but for the most part I get treated like a piece of garbage.

I really genuinely do wish I could just be strictly friends with a girl, they are the only people who make me feel like I have any self-esteem, and I know given the opportunity not only would I have sex with them, but I'd be content as a motherf*cker if a woman could just EVER be nice to me, EVER.

Also yeah, I'm in the process of getting a full time job, so that might help a little. It sounds like college is the only way to meet people my age without stressing about it. Because of the job market I've been stuck with doing absolutely nothing and wasting my days away for the past 6 months. My internet girlfriend dumped me since she never really was much anyway and I was fooling myself.

It's like this. I live in New Hampshire and it's been cold and clammy outside as long as I can remember. That kind of weather is really bad for trying to become social. My mom lives in Florida now and I went on the beach for one day down there and knew, holy shit I could make myself so much happier down here without any effort at all. Just running on the beach everyday where it's regularly 80 degrees I could lose weight AND meet new people.

One of you said it's harder as an adult to be social, for me it's the exact opposite, being hoarded into a crowded high school as a teenager turned me into an overly self-conscious idiot who only made friends with guys. Now that I have a life of my own to live, a year off before college is the only way I could gather the scattered pieces of my brain back together and do the things only I want to do.

Heh, as a native Florida boy, I can promise it isn't quite the paradise it seems. The beaches in my neck of the woods are almost exclusively teenagers during the summer and overweight Italian men from New Jersey in banana hammocks and gold chains during the winter. People who live here hardly ever go to the beaches, in no small part due to said tourists. Granted, things were different when I lived in South Florida. Not to say it isn't a nice place to live, but the beaches aren't a typical stomping ground for meeting people.

I've moved 7 times between 4 cities in the past 8 years. I know all too well what it is like to be someplace and not know anyone.

It sounds like you're trying too hard. There's a line I remember hearing somewhere: "You must love yourself in order to be loved". I think it applies to making friends as well. If you appear weak, have low self-esteem, and pretty much *worship* anyone who gives you the time of day, you're going to be treated like garbage because you give the appearance of being garbage.

Back in high school, I dated a girl who you remind me of. During an argument one day, she made an off-the-cuff remark about how she couldn't understand why I had so many friends when she didn't have any. The difference between us: she acted the way it sounds like you do. Always available, always nice, never disagreed, acted like a servant. Me? I wasn't always available, disagreed with people, and didn't let people take advantage of me.

It may sound backward, but you have to be comfortable in your own skin before you can really fit into a group. Most people inherently want friends who are equals (or better). They don't want friends who appear inferior. This is ESPECIALLY true with women. The traits they like in friends overlap a lot with the traits they like in partners. Strength, confidence, etc.

You really need to become comfortable with yourself. Once that happens, you are projecting strength, confidence, assertiveness. At that point, people will want to associate with you, not the other way around.

Inclement weather or not, you can still get in shape. It may not be as fun as running on the beach, but the confidence boost should be worth it. As another confidence builder, talk to 5 random people every day. Don't look at them as possible friends, just have a quick chat. You've got to retrain your brain. Right now, you're like the girl so desperate for a guy that she jumps at the first person to talk to her. Usually a player who sensed her weakness and will take advantage of her (and yes, women will do the same thing to you). You don't need a friend, you need the *right* friend.

[vashti]

Males can't be friends with females. We just want you for your bodies. lol

[nowomannocry]

Males can't be friends with females. We just want you for your bodies. lol

That's certainly how I'm treated, without the wanting part. You must be sarcastic since I happen to have known many guys who had tons of women going "aw thats too bad" every time they sneeze and can't find a tissue.

I didn't really like the incoherent rambling of the guy from Florida so I'm not gonna respond to it. If I gave the appearance of being garbage, I'd certainly have to give an appearance first, wouldn't I? =/

[VincenzoG91]

Males can't be friends with females. We just want you for your bodies. lol

Wait, what about all those poor guys in the Friend Zone? Women seem to want to be friends with those guys.

[vashti]

Wait, what about all those poor guys in the Friend Zone?

The girls assume they are gay. We can be friends with gay males.

[asdfg789]

I didn't really like the incoherent rambling of the guy from Florida so I'm not gonna respond to it. If I gave the appearance of being garbage, I'd certainly have to give an appearance first, wouldn't I? =/

If u are not such a sour person, maybe you'll have better luck making friends.

Dont want to hang with guys cos they are too sadistic for you ? With your attitude, what do you expect ?

Maybe you can just continue to be friends with your computer and the internet.

[nowomannocry]

If u are not such a sour person, maybe you'll have better luck making friends.

Dont want to hang with guys cos they are too sadistic for you ? With your attitude, what do you expect ?

Maybe you can just continue to be friends with your computer and the internet.

... are you from China?

[doppelgaenger]

you might try this. you sound like you have pretty low self esteem and thus i don't think you could possibly lose any more dignity by doing this.

1. Go to craigslist.org
2. Find your location (state, city, whatever)
3. Under personals, click on "strictly platonic"
4. Make a post about yourself and what kind of friend you want.

[asdfg789]

... are you from China?

No. Why do you ask ?

[Charisma]

Heh, as a native Florida boy, I can promise it isn't quite the paradise it seems. The beaches in my neck of the woods are almost exclusively teenagers during the summer and overweight Italian men from New Jersey in banana hammocks and gold chains during the winter. People who live here hardly ever go to the beaches, in no small part due to said tourists. Granted, things were different when I lived in South Florida. Not to say it isn't a nice place to live, but the beaches aren't a typical stomping ground for meeting people.

I've moved 7 times between 4 cities in the past 8 years. I know all too well what it is like to be someplace and not know anyone.

It sounds like you're trying too hard. There's a line I remember hearing somewhere: "You must love yourself in order to be loved". I think it applies to making friends as well. If you appear weak, have low self-esteem, and pretty much *worship* anyone who gives you the time of day, you're going to be treated like garbage because you give the appearance of being garbage.

Back in high school, I dated a girl who you remind me of. During an argument one day, she made an off-the-cuff remark about how she couldn't understand why I had so many friends when she didn't have any. The difference between us: she acted the way it sounds like you do. Always available, always nice, never disagreed, acted like a servant. Me? I wasn't always available, disagreed with people, and didn't let people take advantage of me.

It may sound backward, but you have to be comfortable in your own skin before you can really fit into a group. Most people inherently want friends who are equals (or better). They don't want friends who appear inferior. This is ESPECIALLY true with women. The traits they like in friends overlap a lot with the traits they like in partners. Strength, confidence, etc.

You really need to become comfortable with yourself. Once that happens, you are projecting strength, confidence, assertiveness. At that point, people will want to associate with you, not the other way around.

Inclement weather or not, you can still get in shape. It may not be as fun as running on the beach, but the confidence boost should be worth it. As another confidence builder, talk to 5 random people every day. Don't look at them as possible friends, just have a quick chat. You've got to retrain your brain. Right now, you're like the girl so desperate for a guy that she jumps at the first person to talk to her. Usually a player who sensed her weakness and will take advantage of her (and yes, women will do the same thing to you). You don't need a friend, you need the *right* friend.

I'm saving this quote. It applies to me.