never going to give up on the love of my life

[manoffire]

Here is my question..my fiance and I are having some troubles right now..we never fight..we have a dissagreement now and then but we always make up fairly quickly..well the problem is she has cancer for one..and secondly she and her family are facing a custody battle with her little brother..because of this..i dont get to see her much..maybe once a month..and she cant and wont talk about it with me..I send her an e mail explaining that I miss her and I cry for her everyday shes not here..she told me I need to become stronger..stronger than her..well I dont know how or what I should do. I mean I cant just go over or show up unannounced..all because of this custody battle..it is a very very nasty one..i do know that..but we promised each other forever..everytime i see her she says the same..she feels the same..she has my ring..but I want to be there for her ..I want EVERYTHING for her..and recently she told me she needs space..she has alot of things to think about ..alot of things other than us to worry about..she said I really need to find a way to get stonger..I did say somethings I shouldnt have said to her because I let my emotions get the best of me..I need some advice...and opinions and how can I become stronger for her? what can I do for her to show her this? I am willing to do anything and everything..whatever it takes..I can not live without her..as well she told me the same..I need to be her rock..its tough to do that when i cant see her in person..all i can do is write to her or e mail..or text..you know..before the custody thing..we texted easily 2-300 times a day..and we were never apart for more than one day..can anyone offer me advice..please?!..thanks everyone...basically..how can i gain the mental strength I need for her? any ideas?

[manoffire]

Here is my question..my fiance and I are having some troubles right now..we never fight..we have a dissagreement now and then but we always make up fairly quickly..well the problem is she has cancer for one..and secondly she and her family are facing a custody battle with her little brother..because of this..i dont get to see her much..maybe once a month..and she cant and wont talk about it with me..I send her an e mail explaining that I miss her and I cry for her everyday shes not here..she told me I need to become stronger..stronger than her..well I dont know how or what I should do. I mean I cant just go over or show up unannounced..all because of this custody battle..it is a very very nasty one..i do know that..but we promised each other forever..everytime i see her she says the same..she feels the same..she has my ring..but I want to be there for her ..I want EVERYTHING for her..and recently she told me she needs space..she has alot of things to think about ..alot of things other than us to worry about..she said I really need to find a way to get stonger..I did say somethings I shouldnt have said to her because I let my emotions get the best of me..I need some advice...and opinions and how can I become stronger for her? what can I do for her to show her this? I am willing to do anything and everything..whatever it takes..I can not live without her..as well she told me the same..I need to be her rock..its tough to do that when i cant see her in person..all i can do is write to her or e mail..or text..you know..before the custody thing..we texted easily 2-300 times a day..and we were never apart for more than one day..can anyone offer me advice..please?!..thanks everyone...basically..how can i gain the mental strength I need for her? any ideas?

She said she thought about letting me go..in my heart I know she wont do this..if she does..what should I do? I mean she doesnt have her head on strait to make that decision right now..I mean..she is EVERYTHING to me..she is my dream..and I know she loves me and I love her..and when two people love each other the way we do..you dont quit on each other no matter what..NO MATTER WHAT or no matter how hard things may be..cant someone say something?!..just an idea? everyone has an opinion

[MM894]

I mean she's directly telling you what to do. You're torn up about the situation you guys are in, and that's entirely understandable, my heart really, really does go out to you. However, she's expecting you to be the man in the relationship, and that means being a rock for her to have through her tough times. She clearly needs somebody at the moment she can rely on, and while you might get some points for empathizing with her, telling her you're crying about her probably isn't what she's looking for. I don't mean to be a jerk, but odds are that the things that she is personally going through right now are more difficult than you missing her, and if she sees you can't handle that and be someone she can rely on to be strong throughout her ordeal, then that's probably what's causing her second thoughts. The two most important support structures most anyone has in their life are their significant other and their family. Her family is currently a mess, and you have to be the one to help her through it, show some confidence, and convince her that she's going to get through it all. She's got her family to cry with her, and what she needs from you is for you to be strong and show her that you have faith that you guys will get through this. You crying with her gives her the impression that A) things might not turn out alright, and B) she doesn't have anyone she can talk about her problems with right now, if you're involving yourself so emotionally in them.

Now this isn't to say that you actually have to get over this situation. Odds are you're not going to in the immediate future; you're going through a really rough situation, and I don't think many people just get over that. You do need to put on a brave face for your girl though, and whether that's genuine or artificial, she does need to get the impression that you're the strong figure in her life. You need to find someone else to talk about your problems with; there are thousands of people out there that have significant others with cancer or other sicknesses, and there are networks out there for people in your exact circumstance to support one another so that you yourself can support your significant other with more confidence. I'd suggest you look into seeing if something like that might be available near you, or even on internet message boards like this.

[manoffire]

do you think it would be wise to write her a personal letter and send it to her in the mail? she told me she wanted me to leave her lone for a while..I dont know if I should..whats your take on that??

[lahnnabell]

Respect her wishes and give her space. You writing that letter is probably going to do more for your own insecurity than it will for her difficult circumstances. Don't be selfish like that. Give her the space she asked for.

I know you feel helpless. But take this time you have to research how to be a better support system for her. Talk with others who are in your situation. Show her that you have the desire to learn how to help her in the best way.

[manoffire]

I just had an idea..if anyone who read all of this could let me know if this would be a good idea or not that would be great..I think it seems like a good idea..I thought one way I can keep her hope and and to show her i am strong and to keep her strong is to make her a box of quotes about life, never giving up and overcoming obsticales. I could mail them to her and leave her a note to open one everyday..and let her know that I am in her corner not matter what..i am trying to do anything I can..thanks everyone!