should we proceed into marriage after he confessed that his family went brankrupt ? ?

[belabeli]

hi all....my name is bella (26 yrs old), anyway...i have an amazing bf, we've been dating for 6 months now, and he's such a gentle, loving, caring, the best bf i could ever ask for. his name is simon (26 yrs old). we met through a mutual friend, and all these times we've been dating there's no single thing that i didn't like about him. my parents love him too.

about 1 month after we've been dating i kinda knew that he wasn't what i call from a "rich" family, but i wasn't sure back then, cos i just took it from my own observation, i didn't have the guts to ask him about his financial state just yet. i drew that conclusion from knowing that his family only own an old car (from 1970s), and other things that lead me to this conclusion. But as i wasn't quite sure (and i didn't really care anyway), i didnt make a big deal of it.

But about few nights ago as we talked on the phone, he told me quite a disturbing news that i'd honestly rather not hear. He confessed to me that his family went into financial difficulty, he told me that it was about few years ago they went into bankruptcy, and right now their financial state is still not in a good term. He then apologized to me for telling me that after so long. He told me that he didn't have the courage to tell me about it, and it was the most difficult thing to confess to me as he was a guy, and i was a girl. it was the man's ego thing, he said. He even cried to me as he talked to me about it, that he trully wanted to get married with me as soon as possible, but this thing bothered him for so long, and he wanted me to know everything about him before i make any decision to be married with him later on.

i truly appreciate his honesty, i really do. but i wouldn't lie that it bothers me too. I am a single child, and come from a well known and a wealthy family. My mother and father kinda put the idea that they expect me to find a man of the same financial level as theirs too for a husband later when i found one. When i introduced my bf to them, they didn't ask me about what his family was like (i mean whether his was rich or not). He just loved him instantly when they first met. My mother is really happy that i finally meet a "perfect" guy, she loves him so much, and expects me to finally get married with him sooner or later.

Now i don't know how to tell my parents about this problem that he just confessed to me. I told myself that "it's okay, we could start everything from ground zero as long as we have each other", but there was also a voice in my head that it wasn't right, i scares me to even think how my parents would react if they knew the truth about my bf. Would they still let us proceed into marriage? if they do let us, i am scared to leave a comfort zone that i'm currently having ever since i was a child. what do u guys think i should do? i'm so confused right now. I love my bf, but financial is very important subject in my life as well. I hate to think that there's financial problems that my bf is about to bring with him when he marry me later. What should i do? please give me your opinion....thanks guys....

[vashti]

Did HE go bankrupt, or his family? is he employed, and if so, is it a job in which he could advance? is he motivated or lazy?

Young people don't generally get married because their finances are already in order. They marry when they see potential. That said, if it is HIM that has financial problems because he is irresponsible with money, then don't get married unless he can demonstrate that he has changed, and I don't mean for a month or two - I mean for a couple of years.

[Gigabitch]

A lot of families have gone bankrupt lately. The world economy is in the toilet. Perhaps you've heard.

I think if your parents want to see you marry for money at the expense of your happiness, you should think again about complying with their wishes. It's YOUR life.

[Miloo]

he's such a gentle, loving, caring, the best bf i could ever ask for.
Money, Money? Were is that perfect BF again?
"I am a single child, and come from a well known and a wealthy family. My mother and father kinda put the idea that they expect me to find a man of the same financial level as theirs too for a husband later when i found one."
It disgusts me.

[TAVS]

I dont know how we can make that decision for you. Either money is an issue or not. But it shouldnt matter what your parents thing, it matters what you truely think. Are you as shallow as them or not?

[VincenzoG91]

Why does it even matter? Are you worried that you will be expected to bail out his parents? Bankruptcy would have wiped their debts clear and given them a fresh start, financially, so theoretically they don't need your help. And traditionally, the bride's parents pay for the wedding anyway.

[belabeli]

millo
i really don't appreciate u telling me that i'm materialistic !!!!! u can tell me whatever u want, but i know that i'm not !!! if i'm materialistic, then i would not have gone out with my bf at all at the first place and probably find a ****ING RICH man with a Mercedes and a couple of billion dollars mansion. but i dont think u have read my thread thoroughly to come to that stupid conclusion of yours. i'm not looking for a bf for money, when i HAVE my own. but what i concerned about is the BANKRUPTCY that occurs to his family. it's a serious financial problem, and life with financial problem is NOT HEALTHY. i'm just being realistic here, money is not everything, but everything needs money nowadays. i'm not talking that i need money for fashion, jewellry and stuff like that, but money is needed for education, health and a peace of mind. dont be a ****ing idiot, man !!!!!!!!!!!! are u poor man or something ???? why u talk like u never been educated before ?????? hmmm...i wonder

[vashti]

he's such a gentle, loving, caring, the best bf i could ever ask for.
Money, Money? Were is that perfect BF again?
"I am a single child, and come from a well known and a wealthy family. My mother and father kinda put the idea that they expect me to find a man of the same financial level as theirs too for a husband later when i found one."
It disgusts me.

It IS unrealistic to expect that someone his age be on the same financial level as her parents, but I don't think 99.999% of parents would relish the idea of their daughter marrying someone who is potentially financially irresponsible. Love doesn't pay the bills.

Before calling her a "materialistic bitch", maybe we should wait to get more detail?

And BTW - I'm not sure it's a great idea to be considering marrying anyone after only six months.

[sehvral]

are u poor man or something ???? why u talk like u never been educated before ?????? hmmm...i wonder

LOL, funniest damn thing I've read all day.

[sehvral]

Getting back to the point, he is 26 years old. Do his parents rely on his income to pay their bills? If not, I don't the issue.

If he has a job and pays his bills, the financial status of his parents doesn't matter. He is self-sufficient, right? Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure people can become educated and be healthy and happy even if their parents aren't loaded. Actually, I'm pretty damn sure you don't need money for ANY of that.

You are contradicting yourself. First you say you don't care about his money because you have your own, yet you want to call off an engagement because his PARENTS were struggling. Does their status matter or not?

And you really aren't helping your claims about not being materialistic when you assert that you can't have peace of mind without money.

[belabeli]

vashti, thx for ur replies, yes, what i meant was, my parents expected the family of my guy to be the same financial level as theirs, or if not, at least the guy's family is financially healthy. perhaps my parents thought that it has to be both of the families side to provide the newly wed's first house, and stuff like that. my family work extremely hard, so they expect to at least find someone for their only daughter from a financially healthy family. thats it...

[vashti]

Answer my original questions, belabeli.... Is this a boyfriend problem, or a boyfriend's family's problem? Also, is it a cultural norm for parents to pay for a first house where you live? Because that ISN'T "normal" in the states.

[belabeli]

vashty, the one who has financial prob is my bf's family. my bf work for the family business after his father went through this. so my bf doesnt earn his own income elsewhere. the financial prob is still not recovering.

about the first house, it's a norm that parents should provide it to their children as a gift of their wedding. so it's indeed a different culture from where u are from, vash...

[sehvral]

To get a bigger picture, what are your finances like? Do you work? You've said your family has money, but what about you, personally?

A young couple can survive with one person working, but if he's dependent on the family business and you are living off family money, then there's a real cause for concern if your family were to take a hit (even millionaires take a beating during recessions).

You make him out to be a great guy, it would be a shame to lose that because of your parents.

[bluesummer]

You shouldn't worry about your parents opinion. I think you should be more concerned about whether or not your bf has inherited his parents poor financial planning skills. You can build your own fortune together, so long as he knows how to handle money. Maybe he'll learn from his parent's mistakes.