Husband Insists It's Okay to Look at Dating, Escort, & Marriage Sites

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Wife: This morning he says I am close minded because I don't want him looking at dating and marriage sites. I don't mind if he looks at porn, but I draw the line at dating and marriage sites. We just started going to a counselor. I know his habit of looking at these sites (he masturbates to them) is a major factor in our lack of sex life. told him if he refuses to stop looking at these sites, I will leave him, and I will. It has nothing to do with an open mind, and I can't imagine many wives out there who would welcome his behavior. He justifies his hurtful behavior by saying I am close minded by not wanting my HUSBAND on dating on marriage and dating sites.

Husband: I don't like talking much. The reason my wife is "close minded" is because she doesn't want me to go on dating and marriage sites, but I'm JUST LOOKING, NOTHING INTENTIONAL and SIMPLY CURIOUS and she should not be bothered. If she was open minded, this wouldn't bother her, and it wouldn't bother any open minded wife. Any 21st century woman will agree with this, but my wife is a baby boomer and baby boomers are close minded.

[qwertz]

Its not acceptable, but i guess you need to get to the bottom of why he visits them in the first place.

[Gigabitch]

Any marriage counselor worth his or her weight in gravel will not allow this to stand. This is CLEARLY addictive behavior that is getting in the way of your marriage. If it weren't interfering with your sex life (which I know it is- I've read your other posts) it might be harmless- much like looking at porn, but he clearly prefers dating sites to his real life wife and neglects you in favor of his online habit.

When you fantasy life takes precedent over your real life, it's time to intervene.

[xxazurexx]

I think it's wrong to visit these kinds of website and if you are in a committed relationship.

It's something I wouldn't do and it's something that I wouldn't accept a partner doing either.

If he wanted to look at other women and continued despite knowing how I felt, he'd be doing it alone...and divorced.

[dono01]

+1 for wife, and -1 for husband.

Husband, your wife loves you. You are a complete idiot. Why don't you MAN UP and love your wife you selfish fool.

I have watched 3 awesome marriages torn apart because of porn and dating sites. It's selfishness, and foolishness to the core.

[Olderandwiser49]

If you're Boomers, you are in your late 50's to early 60's. It is often at this juncture of our lives that we begin to reflect on our pasts, and wonder "What if I had...". There's really no harm in doing that, though it will many times bring about depression, but it does become harmful when it interferes with, or begins to take the place of, real life. You have told him bluntly how you feel, and he needs to respect that and understand the hurt it causes you, and bring his actions to a halt. Cheating begins in the mind. There is never a reason for it; there are only excuses!

As for Boomers being closed-minded, can you say Love-ins, Make Love not War, Mainstream Pornography, LSD, The Joy of Sex, Wife-Swapping, Free Love, and too many other "closed-minded" products of our generation to name?

[vashti]

Revenge is sweet.

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I'm 41. My husband is younger than me.

I'm not officially a baby boomer, I guess I'm generation X. Regardless, with hippie parents who are baby boomers, I was raised in an extremely progressive, open minded household.

My husband claims because I was born in 68, I am automatically close minded. This is because I don't want him looking at dating/marriage/escort sites online.

I already talked to him about the 60s being one of the most open, progressive decades of US history, and that the youth of that generation essentially changed much of society with revolutionary ideas, including civil rights, equal rights, new views on war and sexual liberty, and a far more open culture than ever before.

My husband has been obsessed lately with labeling people by their "generational" identification, every since we talked about what marriages were like in the 50s. I think maybe he is threatened by the fact that his wife, an older woman, is actually more open minded than him.

Or maybe he's changing his mind about being married to an older woman, although when he looks at these dating, marriage, and escort sites, he continues to look at women of my age and similar in appearance to me.

I do think he has a fantasy that if he were married to a women who was 20 or 30, she would have no objection to his "window shopping" online. I told him that any women who respected herself would not want her husband doing this, particularly when she is sexually available to him and open to him looking at pornography already.

Quite frankly, I have no idea what he is doing. He makes statements without supporting them with logic or reason, and throws labels about, like this new "21st century guy" kick he is on.

As I said, pornography is okay, but not dating/marriage/escort sites. Those are all pretty much guaranteed avenues to eventual infidelity.

I'm ready to leave him if he doesn't open up, be honest, and commit to improving our sex life and communication, as well as stop spending time on these inappropriate sites.

[shine aji]

He is married and does not need to be curious about dating sites or marriage sites. You make a point to go out of your way and let him know, if he wants to be single then be it and not mess your life for it. teach him his own lesson, if he can so can you, does not respect you what so ever

[Gigabitch]

So "close-minded" means you're not willing to put up with whatever shit he tries to float on past you? What the hell is he doing? Trying to have an open marriage?

You're just the right age to be a cougar. Would he like that, if you were trolling the "cougar wanted to train young lover" ads on craigslist?

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He says he's a modern guy and he expected me to open to him looking at these sites, which, since I don't, makes me old fashioned. I told him modern guys are more caring, more sensitive, more feminist, more egalitarian, and more in touch with their feminine side, thus better husbands. I told him he's the one who is living in the past, not me - that modern women demand respect and equality, and that if he wants a woman who demands nothing and puts up with everything, he should go back to an era when women were completely dependent on men, and thus could not demand their rights. You are correct, this is BS. I'm still waiting for ONE woman to say, "Oh but I'm open minded, so of course I would FULLY SUPPORT my husband window shopping other women on dating, matrimonial, and escort sites. What woman wouldn't?" Is he insane?

[vashti]

I don't really understand why you would even engage in conversation about this. It dignifies the ridiculous.

[Gigabitch]

On another note, I'd be furious about him referring to you as a "baby-boomer". You're smack in the middle of GenX. His ****ing grandma is a baby boomer.

[Junket]

Your husband is dumb.

[cmacattack1]

He jerks it to these sites? What is he, a freshman in college?

I hope by the time I'm at that age, I'm far too busy to have the time to look at these sites, let alone beat off. If this habit is often, I'm sure many other things in his life are suffering. Arguing with you and dismissing it as you being close minded is him being stubborn and not even listening to you. Something that is a big no no in marrige. He has his own view of marriage and if he really thinks that this is okay and acceptable, he has alot to learn and I feel bad for him. I think you are right on this but obviously your communicated that to him is getting you nowhere. Don't expect his opinion to change anytime soon unless different action is taken.