Passing

[Gribble]

Growing up my parents never really gave a damn about me. My dad was only aware of my existence when he was pissed and needed someone to yell at. My mom, hell, she didn't even notice me then. Sucks, but a lot of kids go through that or worse. I did a lot of reading when I was a boy. A lot. Mostly rubbish.

One day while perusing the library I picked up a detective novel. A slim little volume called the Gudwulf Manuscript. It featured the wisecracking, tough on the outside, soft on the inside private eye, Spenser. That's with an S. Like the poet. I read that book cover to cover. Then I picked up the next in the series, and the next, and the next and so on.

In a way, Spenser became my surrogate father. When he took a boy about my age under his wing I hung on his every word of advice. I attribute that character, and by extension the author, Robert B. Parker, with teaching me what it is to be a man. I don't know what I'd be without them.

I always meant to meet Mr. Parker some day. At a book reading, perhaps. I doubt I'd have had the courage to admit the above to him, but I sure would have liked to shake his hand.

He died two days after my last birthday and I didn't even know it. Lame as it sounds, it kinda hurts. When life decides to take I shit on me I always reach for a Spenser novel, and it always clears my head, keeps me going when I feel like shouting **** you to the world. Now there won't be another one. No more fatherly advice. No more role model.

[vashti]

What a genuinely fascinating insight...

One day while perusing the library I picked up a detective novel. A slim little volume called the Gudwulf Manuscript. It featured the wisecracking, tough on the outside, soft on the inside private eye, Spenser. That's with an S. Like the poet. I read that book cover to cover. Then I picked up the next in the series, and the next, and the next and so on.

Funny, but THAT is how I see you. Except for the private eye, of course.

It's sad that you were left to find a character in a book as a role model. Those of us who were unlucky in the parent department get the opportunity to recreate the parent-child relationship, and can heal old wounds by establishing a better bond with our own children (when we have them). When they are young, it sometimes hurts to know how inadequate our own parents were, but as your own children get older, the pain diminishes somewhat, along with the anger.

I'm sorry you are sad.

[Gigabitch]

What do you mean, no more role model? Did all of his books vanish? Gribble, this is WHY people write, so that they will never die.

Re-read the whole series and grieve for the man. I'm glad you found someone to be a surrogate that wasn't a thug or a fool.

[Mish]

You know when I was growing up I always thought I was the only one who had a problem with his dad, now the more I see the more I understand how common this is.

[doppelgaenger]

That's kind of how I felt about George Carlin. I bought all his books when he died.

[IndiReloaded]

I always keep in mind that Gribble is a writer....

One thing this post made me think about is how you can infer quite a bit about someone by their library. Or at least the books they've read.

[doppelgaenger]

Not only the books they read, but the questions they ask, as well as the answers they seek. It's all in the rhetoric.

[starbuck]

I always keep in mind that Gribble is a writer....

One thing this post made me think about is how you can infer quite a bit about someone by their library. Or at least the books they've read.

I didn't know Gribble was a writer. His posts are well written so it makes sense.

Gribble, maybe someday you could write something inspired by him. Maybe he can't write anymore books, but you can.

I felt pretty sad at David Foster Wallace's passing. I know he had his critics and alot of people thought his footnotes were gimmicky, but I was a big fan.

[IndiReloaded]

Not only the books they read, but the questions they ask, as well as the answers they seek. It's all in the rhetoric.

LOL, okay Dopple, if you say so.

[dewilliams2]

I am really sorry but at the same time I am glad I know people in your same situation. I have so many friends with awful parents that it makes me realize how great mine are and that they should not be taken for granted.

I am glad you found somebody to be a role model for you and show you how to be a man as you said. I think that is problem with a lot of guys my age. They don't seem to understand what it means to be a man and what is expected of them.

My dad is the greatest man I know, I'm not saying he is perfect...he has his problems but what makes my dad a great man is that he wants me to be a better man than he is and he has always pushed me in that direction.

A lot of parents compete with their children and don't want them to be better....it is expected of me.

I am sorry you did not have very good parents but as Vashti said, keep all of that in mind and raise your children to think of you the way I think of my father....so in a way your parents being bad parents will make you a better father....if that helps at all.

[doppelgaenger]

LOL, okay Dopple, if you say so.

What's with your attitude? Don't you look for answers in the books you read, or do you just read for pure enjoyment?

[IndiReloaded]

What's with your attitude? Don't you look for answers in the books you read, or do you just read for pure enjoyment?

Are those the only options you can think of?

[doppelgaenger]

Condescending bitch.

[Doc Durian]

I'd have used "opportunistic bitch" in lovingly way, myself.

[IndiReloaded]

Condescending bitch.

No, I'm just not going to do your thinking for you. Stop being such a brat about it.