Im In My Final Decision, Just Need The Final Advice To Make it.

[JasonVoorhees]

Ok So i think everyone read my last 2 posts. Even tough i didnt recieve much advice i took my decision, i Called it quits. then i went home after work and found her crying on the bed, she wanted to do everything to be with me, change in everyway, and she confused me than. thats when i told her i have to think about it. today she told me please dont take longer then a week cause i cant keep hanging anymore without know what is gonna happen.

So, I have this week, She wants to change, she wants her one final chance.
the big question wich i cant find a damn answer to, should i give it, or in the long run it will come back to this situation?
my heart is telling me to give it to her maybe cause i pitty her, i dunno.
My mind/instinct is telling me it will come to the same point in the long run.
Who Should i listen to?
Please somebody can be so helpfull to help me do this one final decision, for my nearly 5years relationship.

Big Thanks in advance. peace.

[xxazurexx]

Seems that when you decided to lay the cards on the table, was the wake up call she needed.

I'd give her ONE final chance and to prove she can change, that is if you really want to save the relationship.

If she screws up, then just leave. And at least you would walk away with a clear conscious knowing you tried and did everthing you could.

Her loss.

[JasonVoorhees]

Also Wanted to add, Should i wait till the last of the week till i tell her my decision? so to show her that she's not in command on this situation and i didnt just did it cause i cant stay without her?

Thanks so far, keep it coming. Thank you.

[xxazurexx]

Well I'd keep her guessing and in doubt for a couple of days yeah. Guess she needs to be shown, that you are being serious in what you said.

And it might make her think twice about putting a foot wrong in future, because she will think this is really her last chance. If she blows it again, you are gone.

[JasonVoorhees]

Well I'd keep her guessing and in doubt for a couple of days yeah. Guess she needs to be shown, that you are being serious in what you said.

And it might make her think twice about putting a foot wrong in future, because she will think this is really her last chance. If she blows it again, you are gone.

I understand , thats what i tought about. But now something lingers in my mind, maybe im exagarating but even some people mentioned it to me.
What if she really understands this is her last chance, and if she has a breakdown and does same thing again , and instead of doing it not to loose me , The lies and cheating and betrayals will start instead.
dunno just a tought im totally confused and trying to think about everything before i do this step, its very serious, and i dont want to regret or discover i did mistake in future.

Thanks alot for the help.

[xxazurexx]

You know something, if you don't trust that she will change and are constantly walking around on eggshells thinking that things are will go back to normal. perhaps you are best off just leaving it and walking away.

If I had so many doubts in regard to a relationship, I wouldn't be going back to it.

[JasonVoorhees]

its just that i made so much time thinking about it before i spitted out the quits that my mind is now totaly out of place.
Im just a man wich believes to fight for it or else i fear i will feel like a quitter after.
Even the way she stated she doesn't have anyone to take care of her and the rest just doesn't give me the guts to abandon her.
But maybe you are right, maybe i should just think about myself cause i have doubts or maybe just need to wake up on my feet and face reallity , thats why i wish to hear alot of opinions from different people so maybe i clear my mind up.
but thanks you for helping me i really apriciate.

[Engineer]

OK, I have been in a similar situation and if you can order this book from Amazon and read it as honestly as you can, it will help make the decision. It did for me - much though it scares me.

Basically the book walks you through 36 key questions after studying what happened to similar people and how they felt about their decision 10 years later and therefore on the balance of probabilities what would be the right choice to make. For information, much as it does scare me I failed on 3 of the 36 questions and had serious doubts about another 5.

The book is called "Too good to leave, too bad to stay" by Mira Kirshenbaum.

[JasonVoorhees]

thanks alot man, i will definitly try to order the book because it sounds good, tough i will not recieve it in time.
my girlfriends wants me to clear my mind till next friday, and this isnt something you clear with a time limit, hell i spent 3months running after her when she was confused, now because i was confused and called it quits, she cries and confuses me and gives me a 1week limit to decide and she continues to say she wans me badly and blame me for this. i feel like falling into a goddamn depresion day by day. if she really loves me and wants me as much as she's saying then why is she only willing to give me 1week.

[cmacattack1]

Ultimatums and time constrains when everybody is emotional and really messed up just adds more panic to the chaos. It sounds terrible.

Does she realize that you spent months and she is giving you a week to think about it because SHE can't handle it? It seems to be manipulating the situation, although I doubt she is intentionally trying to do that. I don't feel like she really has changed, she is just doing anything to get her way and to not have you leave her feeling alone. It's most likely going to resort to the old games and stuff again when it really settles down. It takes a good amount of time to really learn about your situation, what you were doing wrong, and to really fix what was being wrong. I admitted I changed and wanted to do things right when my girlfriend dumped me, and she was tempted but ultimately stuck with her decision. When it finally settled in that she was gone, was when I really started to make my strides and become a new, better person.

Not saying everybody is the same, because obviously we all are different. Just think about what's going on right now. You are thinking about taking her back because you pity her. Is she a fire you need to put out because you feel bad? No, and a relationship shouldn't be anything different. It doesn't build a very strong base from pity, and crying, and begging. You didn't fall in love with her because she acted like that before did you?

It's a crappy foundation. You both need some time apart and break that dependence before you can have a truly stable relationship...

[JasonVoorhees]

I tried to make her realize that she's confusing me more with this ultimatum, her excuse was "because back then we still used to live with your family now its different we are living alone and i have to think about myself if your leaving me for money and things like that cause you now have a job and a home and i don't" my answer was "when you dumped me you still had these problems even tough we weren't living alone and yet i ran after you for 4months and you dumped me 3 times in that period yet i never gave you a week to think about neither any time". but of course she still wanted to be the one who's right.

Now i dont want to sount terrible, she still has a mother and a sister who already told her she's accepted with them and whenever she wants she can go live with them. So its not fear to leave her homless or anything like that.

But im still very confused and i doubt a week is enough for me to decide, hell she still lives with me even tough im confused when she was confused the 3breakups in those 4months she just packed and left and no sad faces or crying stoped her, yet i dont have the power to ignore her when she cries.
I still didnt do my decision, cause there is just too much to think.

We both think differently, she just doesnt care and lives life day by day while i plan ahead, she doesn't want to leave this expensive country to find better life, she argues over the baby stuff now that after she's dumped me i fixed the big stuff, and even if she fixes all that like she said she will , we both had a life as best friends instead of relationship cause she got a very poor sex drive while im the oposite. And then there is the other thing, like cmacattack11 said that i fear alot, that if i dont dump her everything will settle down and she will be back to her old depressed self.

those are just to name a few, there is alot more to think its goddamn imposible to think and figure out everything with 1 week ultimatum. im not a genius or something. yet i phear that i dont figure them out first before i dump her i will regret later. im just lost and i feel falling into a depresion myself day by day, i just don't feel my mind healthy anymore.

[cmacattack1]

Of course when it's her decision, she can just pack shit up and leave you cold and alone. Although I'm sure you chasing after her pushed her away and I think you realized that.

I can't help but feel that she is just thinking in her own best interests here. She's not thinking for the relationship, she is thinking about what she needs. A cushion, some comfort. At first she cried and begged, which has you struggling but you haven't given in. Now she is imposing an ultimatum, because she knows you are unsure and can capitalize on your emotional status now.

Based on what her argument is, there isn't any real sound or logic to her statements and it's just going in circles right now. Which can happen when everybody is all emotionally fired up. This is a fragile situation, and any more arguing and showdowns is just bringing it closer to the brink of no return. It's a situation that both parties need to back away from so you can clear your head, put some sense to, and actually understand things. There is no understanding going on here from what I can see.

[JasonVoorhees]

Yes i had realized my mistakes and i started to think different and i got her back that time.
she is just thinking about herself, her top priority is not to loose me so she's not alone.

[Gigabitch]

She should be changing anyway, not just to keep you. To me, that makes it suspect. I'd want to hear, "I can't believe I've been so awful, I'll never do it again because I want to respect myself as a person" instead of, "What's it's going to take to make you stay?".

She's in no position to be throwing out deadlines, either. In my opinion, every day should be a deadline for her from now on. She's on her last chance.

[JasonVoorhees]

I didnt get the "I Can't believe iv been so awful" i got the i will change in everyway you like . I know its suspicious cause its like she doing it for the only reason not to loose me not cause she really realized her mistakes.