Feelings for a good friend

[DonkeyKong]

So I know this is kind of similar to a recent post. Do any of you have any advice about how to go about handling a situation where you've developed strong feelings for a person you've been friends with for a long time? I know it's not likely to evolve past the friend zone, so I'm not looking for advice on how to do that. I'm wondering if any of you have been in the same situation and if so what you did? Telling her seems like a bad idea. It just sucks because we're both actively seeking a partner and we both talk to each other about how it's hard to find anybody of any quality. It's a little ironic, I think, and it's soooo tempting for me to bring up my feelings for her during these conversations, but of course I don't. Sigh....

[Olderandwiser49]

How about, "I don't know about you, but I'm getting tired of going on all these first dates and trying to find something to say. Would you like to meet for a drink/dinner/pajama party Saturday night? At least that way I can enjoy the scotch/meal/truth-or-dare game and conversation for a change."

[xxazurexx]

Guess you have 2 choices:

1. Come clean
2. Don't tell her and forever wonder

Nobody can make that choice for you.

[DonkeyKong]

Yeah I know, it sucks!

I'm not necessarily afraid of being rejected if I say anything, I'm just afraid it would change our friendship. We've been friends for five years and I've only recently developed these feelings, so I don't want to ruin what we already have. But at the same time, yes, I would definitely wonder. FML...

[xxazurexx]

Yeah I know, it sucks!

I'm not necessarily afraid of being rejected if I say anything, I'm just afraid it would change our friendship. We've been friends for five years and I've only recently developed these feelings, so I don't want to ruin what we already have. But at the same time, yes, I would definitely wonder. FML...

Know exactly where you are coming from hon, been in a similar situation

Spilling your guts does run the risk of ruining what you have going presently. However, even if the friendship still carries on undamaged, being friends with someone you have feelings for is HARD and you may find that it's actually you, who can't carry on with just the friendship and you may end it.

[DonkeyKong]

Yes, that's also definitely a possibility. I guess I'll have to wait and see. Out of curiosity though, what did you do in your situation? How did that turn out?

[xxazurexx]

The circumstances to my story are different, however my situation was off and on the same as yours. Stuck in something in which I was unsure where I stood, which way it was headed, if anywhere at all. And the wondering as to whether I should reveal how I was feeling.

I just got tired of not knowing where I stood. Him calling all the time, his endless promises to come and see me and it just wasn't happening. We are kinda long distance, but still.....he only ever managed to come and see me 4 times in 2 years and that aint good enough!

So I'd confronted him one night during a call and told him how I felt. Told him that what we had was no more than 'friends', that I didn't want to be just friends with him, that it was hard to think of me and him as just friends, when previous it had been more than friends and I told him to leave me alone and not call me again. Course he was not ready for a relationship, etc, etc - I feel that he grossly misled me into thinking he wanted more and so I'd stick around. He got really angry when I said I couldn't talk to him anymore and I'd just ended up hanging up on him.

Fast forward 3 months later, he comes back. I feel like perhaps I can be just friends with him, only I discover I can't. Same old feelings return *sigh*

But he's a persistent guy and won't leave me alone, so I end up having to resort to totally ignoring him, which I didn't want to do but he gave me little choice.

Thing is, we got along brilliantly, were close, could share everything, same sense of humour, etc and it pisses me off that the friendship side had to go also.
As much as I tried to think of myself as just his friend, it just wasn't working for me.

So if you decide to come clean, you are gonna be left in same situation I was and with a decision to make, to remain just friends or not.

And I don't think people can be friends, with someone they have feelings for. It works for a while, but then something always gives.