I still love my ex......but she is gay

[bnmer4eva]

Me and and my ex were together for around three and a half years, and from my point of view it was the best years of my life....i thought that everything was great, i loved her beyond belief, and i thought she felt the same, she must of...surely no-one can fake what i felt!?....towards the end she started to act "differently" and just kinda weird for her.....after 2 weeks of this she told me it was over, "i wont to do new things" she said.....if only that were the case. Anyway, after 2 weeks of constant pain and not leaving the house i finally got myself out, big mistake! I bumped into an old school froend, we got talking, he asked me how i was doing, ofcourse i told him i was suffering, we got talking about my ex, then what he said broke my heart forever....he said..."i cant believe she left you for her" WHAT??!?!? i couldnt believe it surely it wasnt true??? how, why would she????.........after asking i few other people it dawned on me it was true...SHE WAS GAY. This is when the real pain started to begin, because now, not only had she split with me, but there was no chance in me getting her back, i couldnt compare..im a male, she likes females?!?!?! Iv had many partners since i split up with her, but they dont compare to how i feel for her, i still love her, i always will, and im affraid i will never love someone else ever again......its been 5 years since we split up, and for 5 years ive felt this hole in my heart, that she used to fill, i just dont know what to do anymore??? we dont speak, and we never have, as its just too painfull for me........Hope this pain will stop sometime, as i dont wanna feel like this forever

[Doc Durian]

You're probably just feeling so strongly because she left you for a woman.

Imagine if she left you for your best mate?

You'd wish the plague on the pair of them.

You should be mad at her, not missing her.

She didn't just pop up one morning and say, "You know what? I'm gay from now on."

She would have been carrying on with you while fantasizing about another (gender) for some if not all of that time you spent together.

That's deceit.

She could have broken up with you earlier or never got involved with you to begin with... had she really cared about you.

Count your blessings that she's gone so you can find a real woman. Not a flake.

[bnmer4eva]

i can see what ur saying.....but even thru another 2 year relationship (with another girl), i was still thinking about this girl, and i cant stop thinking about her.....i think its made matters worse that we have never spoke about what happened, or infact never spoke at all, after nearly 4 years...in one day to be cut off, is the worst feeling in the world. it feels like theres some unfinished business???? i think about her everyday, and just wonder why??? ive seen pictures of her how she is now....and its not the same person, the person i knew isnt her, its like shes dead to me, lost, and i cant get her back??? im just not sure what to do?? what can i do? i want the old her, but she doesnt exist, or i want to be able to finalise this whole thing, and just move on, but im not sure how????? people say time will tell.....but 5 years is a long time for me to still feel like this

[Doc Durian]

Like you said, the old her is gone.

You don't know the new her and why again should you care?

The old her defecated on you and the new her wouldn't piss on your crotch if your pubes were on fire.

In the meantime, you've done the exact same sort of thing to your 2 year relationship as Lickalotapuss did to you (thinking about someone or something else while in a long term relationship).

You have the ability to fix this.

Burn every picture you have, delete any contact, and remember that victims don't have carte blanche to make victims of others.

[xxazurexx]

Gawd. Imagine finding out your ex left for a same sex person.

I wouldn't know whether to laugh or cry.

One thing is for sure, I wouldn't still be pining after him for 5 years.

It's an episode of my life that I would've gladly wanted to forget and forgotten and l-o-n-g ago.

[cmacattack1]

....i thought that everything was great, i loved her beyond belief, and i thought she felt the same, she must of...surely no-one can fake what i felt!?....

Just because you felt this way, doesn't mean it was reciprocated. You are always going to look back at the one that hurt you and it will always be a chink in your armor. Isn't it kind of falling into place now though, the reason why she was acting that way before? That's how she feels: she likes women. She might change her lifestyle and go back to men but you have no control over that. There isn't much you can do about it and you shouldn't be taking it personal. You didn't turn her onto women. Doesn't this kind of bring you peace?

[Kyouhen]

I think it's more along the lines that he was cheated on, and with another woman at that. I can see as a male you would feel demasculated, lied to, and most likely insecure. Dude you got cheated on.

I can understand you love her, but it's been 5 years.

In short maybe you should compose yourself and finish this business you feel is left open.

5 years since any contact, maybe you can ask her to a cup of coffee or something, and you probably should see a therapist.