Too Nervous for sex! just won't stay up! :( stressed!

[IamTHATguy]

I've had enough!

I've attempted sex with my girlfriend, (who i'm more than comfortable with) around 5/6 times now, EVERY single damn time i just go floppy without even getting to the condom stage, i'm 18 and i am a virgin.

I am getting so stressed out with this, and i know everytime we attempt sex now it's just gunna happen again, again and again and whatever mindset i try to put my mind in, it just happens!

It's affecting the way i live, eat sleep and breath. i am so bothered by this.

I need some advice! please.

[girl68]

you're in a vicious cycle now. take a step back. get sex out of the picture and get back into being a normal healthy hormonal teenager. masterbate, give and get handjobs, blowjobs, foreplay, grinding. back to the basics son. on your own time, materbate WITH a condom get used to having your dick in one whilst getting pleasured. if you suspect condoms are partly to blame then start using condoms while doing foreplay without the notion of sex.

you're tensed up so much that the stress/ nervousness is getting the best of you and from there it's just a downward spiral. so you have to go back and re start. that means take sex out of the equation and back to the good 'ol days.

[IamTHATguy]

Why do i get nervous?

I'm not the most confident of guys, is this why do you think ? Or is it the pressure i feel im under to have sex (even though im not under any forced pressure, just my personal pressure) ?

[Olderandwiser49]

Maybe it's because you're still a virgin and uncertain of what you're doing, or worse, certain you'll do something wrong. Just relax and take your time. Even laugh a little to reduce the tension (emotional, not physical). Make sure she helps, too. It'll work out, or should I say "in".


I WAS ASKED THE OTHER DAY IF I WAS GETTING ANY ON THE SIDE, AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT HAD BEEN MOVED!

[girl68]

Why do i get nervous?

I'm not the most confident of guys, is this why do you think ? Or is it the pressure i feel im under to have sex (even though im not under any forced pressure, just my personal pressure) ?

Yes, both. Really dude, take a step back. If your girl loves you and has stuck by this whole time she will likely stick around to help you out patiently!

Try taking my advice and go back to the basics: making out, hand jobs, masterbation, use condoms on yourself (I know that sounds stupid but can you really knock it when you haven't tried it).

[IamTHATguy]

I appreciate the help, thanks a bunch.

Yeah, i can try that, just i even get embarrased buying condoms! (but i hear this is a quite common issues)
It's just if sex isn't mentioned and we are doing stuff together, i can stay hard constantly and easily, but as soon as the word sex or condom is mentioned, my body just declines on me and everything just goes numb and i feel like a 12 year old school boy! weird, i know.

[Kaius]

make sure you are in good health. Get checked if you're unsured.
If you have diabetes, you can have erectile dysfunction.
an 18 year old guy should be hard justing thinking about.....anything.
oh and make sure you get enough sleep, good nutrition, and avoid alcohol before sex.

[girl68]

it's because all you've done to this point is associate the condom with not being turned on. You need to have that condom on the bedside and practice looking at it while staying hard and aroused. Ask your gf to jack you off then stop, pick up the condom while still pleasuring you with her hand. Look at the condom and think of it as lube... something that is a good thing, something that is going to be fun to have on and use. Get eager to rip it open... the minute you start to feel yourself losing the erection put it back on the side table and keep doing the handjob or whatever it was you were previously enjoying. You've made the condom out to be the devil. It is not.

And why the hell are you saying "sex" or "condom" if those words are being used and you're instantly soft after its mentioned you need to stop using those words right now. Instead try not talking like it's a task and follow your bodies. Don't walk into a makeout session like a mission. You may get a condom on, you may not. You may end up having sex you might not. Right now the pressue to have sex is far too much for your penis, so stop with the pressure.

And tell her that she should practice putting a condom on you while giving you head (condom goes on the tip of your penis and then she puts her mouth on you and rolls it down. This should help keeping you feeling really good. Mention to her that you might want to just fool around with the condom on without having sex at all. Practice cumming into a condom with the help of your gf. This will help you NOT think of the condom as a mood killing peice of rubber and instead you might start to think about how hot it is when she slides it on with her mouth...

[Junket]

I appreciate the help, thanks a bunch.

Yeah, i can try that, just i even get embarrased buying condoms! (but i hear this is a quite common issues)
It's just if sex isn't mentioned and we are doing stuff together, i can stay hard constantly and easily, but as soon as the word sex or condom is mentioned, my body just declines on me and everything just goes numb and i feel like a 12 year old school boy! weird, i know.

Real men buy condoms with pride.

[girl68]

Even real women buy condoms with pride. Hell yes I'm getting laid and hell yes, I'm safe

[Kaius]

I don't normally encourage this, but this may help. This takes much discipline, and you might suffer if you fail.
I never really used a condom in any of my serious relationships. I have to trust that my partner is completely safe, and then I practice with her.
I am experienced enough to know when I'm about to come, so I pull out about 5 seconds before the first drop spills.
It has worked for me for the last 18 years...never a mishap... maybe because I'm lucky?
My girlfriend and I don't use condoms now, and the sex is great. I'm considering a vasectomy this summer,
but she may want a baby if we get married in the near future. So for now, I'm just super careful when I pull out.
I hate condoms.

[girl68]

I don't normally encourage this, but this may help. This takes much discipline, and you might suffer if you fail.
I never really used a condom in any of my serious relationships. I have to trust that my partner is completely safe, and then I practice with her.
I am experienced enough to know when I'm about to come, so I pull out about 5 seconds before the first drop spills.
It has worked for me for the last 18 years...never a mishap... maybe because I'm lucky?
My girlfriend and I don't use condoms now, and the sex is great. I'm considering a vasectomy this summer,
but she may want a baby if we get married in the near future. So for now, I'm just super careful when I pull out.
I hate condoms.

This is terrible advice UNLESS she is also on birth control and of course faithful. I was with my ex (both virgins) and we used condoms for the entire 5 years religiously. I was also on birth control. I am now with my partner for 3 years and we have never used condoms but both have been tested and cleared but I am also on birth control.

I wouldn't want to play with "luck" as Kaius did when badluck could entail a baby or a STD.

[Olderandwiser49]

I am experienced enough to know when I'm about to come, so I pull out about 5 seconds before the first drop spills.

You have an angel on your shoulder, my man. Maybe you withdraw before you spill, but you probably also have a slow leak up to that point. It's possible you have gotten away with this for so long due to possible fertility problems (yours or your wife's), though for your sakes, I hope not.

Otherwise, the only way I would recommend this method is if you like shopping for baby furniture!

[dewilliams2]

I don't think its a physical problem. I think its a mental problem....with that said alcohol will make it harder for you to stay and get hard but at the same time will make you take the ol' thinkin cap off and relax....its worth a try.

[asdfg789]

I never really used a condom in any of my serious relationships.

I wouldn't recommend this to a 18 year old. The risk of pregnancy is still high even with coitus interruptus and it is NOT something they want to deal with at that age.