want to rekindle the spark in my relationship, suggestions?

[RdHrshyKss]

so my boyfriend and i have been dating for 4 years and the spark and excitement has died down a bunch. we've both gotten into certain habits in the way we interact with each other. i try being sexy sometimes, but it never seems to go the way i want it to. he doesn't really take it too seriously, most likely my own fault for not making my sexy side as upfront as i should have. we've gotten so used to each other that it feels like we are more best friends than lovers. i love him to death, and i know he loves me, but i need some good advice on how to jumpstart the intimacy department.

we are going to las vegas on May 19th for a few days and i want the trip to be a really good one. we went to aruba last summer, and we had a lot of fun, but i ended up feeling sick during the evenings (due to motion sickness issues) and i was never up to having sex. now that i look back on it, i was in a grumpy mood most of the time and i regret it so much.

any tips on (1) how i can spruce up our love life? and (2) (to the individuals who know las vegas) any suggestions on how to make the trip an absolute success? we are going to see 3 shows the 3 nights we are there, but i'm probably going to book the earlier times to leave the rest of the night open for whatever.

am definitely looking forward to your suggestions . thank you!

[V37E00E]

After six months or so into a steady relationship the dopamine, norepinephrine, seratonin typically drop to a lower level.. The "falling madly in love" stage cannot possibly be sustained forever. The brain chemistry forces long term relationships to morph towards "emotional attachment" stage instead of the "lust/infatuation/attraction" thrill ride of the beginning of everything new and promising relationship. So therefore you dilemma seems to be an unavoidable one. As with anything else in life, there are "oppurunity costs" and trade-offs that must be made. Such as "freedom vs commitment".. This is why many couples make the second-order decisions of commitment even though yes the grass can be greener on the other side of the fence. In fact the paradox is the grass is always greener no matter what.. Because of adaptation, enthusiasm about positive experiences doesn’t sustain itself. We become desenstized to any stimulus that is plentiful and invariable seek out the rare and infrequent. This is perhaps why people have a nature tendency to do the taboo. People seem generally unable to anticipate that this process of adaptation will take place.

[medic_man]

Maybe you should sit down and talk to him.

[Kaius]

4 years is a long time. You have probably tried all sexual stuff, so i don't think you need to do anything new.
Just be good company, have fun, enjoy, relax. The sex enthusiasm really doesn't get better for men....
It depends on how much he is in love with you also.

[girl68]

I think you should pass on the shows. Honestly, pick one go see it otherwise hang out with your guy.

As for the sex, are you playfull throughout the day? Will you give him the "come hither look"? Will you grab his ass and whisper just how much you want his hot naked body on you later tonight? Would you dress up in sexy lingerie for him? Would you role play? Buy handcuffs, and use them. Give him a lapdance. Give him a no strings attached blowjob.

[Sonrisa]

what really worked for me is watching porn together and try making out with random girls in Vegas. guys really appreciate that.

[RdHrshyKss]

Maybe you should sit down and talk to him.

Trust me. I try talking to him all the time. He avoids. There is always something he has to do and would rather "talk later" which doesn't happen. I told him on monday that I wanted to set some time aside on Friday for us to talk. That I have some things to get off my chest about the relationship and he should think about anything he might want to share because I'd be all ears. It took a lot of coaxing to get him to make a commitment to do it. But no surprise that we didn't. He went out with a friend right after work, didn't get back til close to ten, then went running and went out for a late night roller hockey game with other friends. No talking occurred whatsoever :o( ugh...

[RdHrshyKss]

4 years is a long time. You have probably tried all sexual stuff, so i don't think you need to do anything new.
Just be good company, have fun, enjoy, relax. The sex enthusiasm really doesn't get better for men....
It depends on how much he is in love with you also.

Thanks, I def do need to relax. I overanalyze things a lot and I'm sure it stresses him out as much as me. He likes to avoid serious talks though and when I try having fun it always seems to backfire on me. Sometimes I think he sabotages moments. Not sure why. Maybe his feelings for me have changed. Now that will really hurt...

[RdHrshyKss]

I think you should pass on the shows. Honestly, pick one go see it otherwise hang out with your guy.

As for the sex, are you playfull throughout the day? Will you give him the "come hither look"? Will you grab his ass and whisper just how much you want his hot naked body on you later tonight? Would you dress up in sexy lingerie for him? Would you role play? Buy handcuffs, and use them. Give him a lapdance. Give him a no strings attached blowjob.

I definitely want to try those things! I am really self conscious about certain things but I know that is half the problem. How can he think of me in a sexy way if I can't do it myself? I def have a lot of self assessment to do. Whenever I do try being sexy he laughs at me, I know, its bad. Sometimes he looks for excuses to not give in to my flirtations. I do want to open up to his fantasies but I think he is very limited in that department. He watches the same kinda porn regularly and hasn't had any real sexual experience on an intimate level before me. Its going to be hard if he doesn't want to cooperate.

As for the shows we both want to see le reve. I want to see crazyhorse Paris and he wanted to see Penn and teller. Maybe we can skip the other 2 but I'm afraid I'd regret not seeing a cabaret type show in Vegas and I think it would be unfair to go see a show I like and skimp out on his choice. Sacrifices suck lol....

[RdHrshyKss]

what really worked for me is watching porn together and try making out with random girls in Vegas. guys really appreciate that.

I'm def open to that, just don't know how to initiate it without it being weird? I brought up the idea of making our own video to watch and then delete. He seemed sorta intrigued but laughed it off. Any tips you could give on how to bring it up in a aexy way would be amazing :o)

[Paul Cho]

For men, a simple blowjob works wonders. I would also suggest acting like a pornstar when you do screw. Maybe take a facial.




Paul Cho

[connie123]

correct.

i suggest spending long period of time apart. let him miss you and go dating afterwards to make uo for it.

[girl68]

I think you two are with out doubt incompatible.

[RdHrshyKss]

I think you two are with out doubt incompatible.

The idea has def crossed my mind a bunch of times but I really do love him and when we do have our moments they are really great. We already have our trip to Vegas booked as well as a trip to Poland at the end of the summer. I want to try to see if I can reignite the spark somehow. I know I'm not as outgoing as he'd like and its something I want to change about myself anyway. If we can share a common activity it might give us the opportunity to reconnect like we did in the beginning. If come September we are in the same place I think we will both be understanding of the inevitable. But I still want to be positive. People go through dry spots right? Its not an unheard of thing. We've been together for 4 years so I want to give it enough of a chance before I throw it away.

[RdHrshyKss]

correct.

i suggest spending long period of time apart. let him miss you and go dating afterwards to make uo for it.

We've had times when we've been apart for awhile and its made us both want the other but it only lasts a little while. I need/want to do something thats more meaningful and has a lasting effect. I'm willing to try to do things differently, a lifestyle change so to speak that I can bring with me in any relationship, even if this one runs its course.