Do you believe in fate?

[javagirl87]

I had been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half...we have had some problems because he refuses to put anything above his work/studies. We have had one minor break up because of his studies, which quickly resolved itself and he found himself coming back to me and missing me. The major one was last summer when I was going abroad for half the summer and he was going to be working in a different state. He told me he's terrible at long distance communication (which he is with his friends who have moved away) and barely even speaks to them when they are gone. However he ended up putting a lot more effort than either of us expected into keeping in contact with me those 4 months we were apart. We both knew it would be a bad idea to get together in the fall again since he'd just be graduating and leaving eventually but we couldnt' help it and were together again happily for the next 8 months.

We are both, coincidentally, are planning on attending the same graduate school. However i'm going a year after him. A couple of days ago he broke up with me saying that i'm extremely important to him and he cares about me a lot but he just "knows" he can't do long distance. That following his feelings isn't what's right, following what's "logical" is. He doesn't believe in following what he feels, maybe because this is his first and longest really important relationship (he usually doesn't date that often or gets interested in girls because of school).

He kept saying that I mean a lot to him but no matter what he can not do a long distance relationship, and even though it would only be 9 months before I join him again he thinks 9 months of long distance would make our love fizzle away and make me just complain about lack of contact and he doesnt' want to do that to us. He says that neither of us should lose hope and that if we really do still love each other at that time that we might be able to re-ignite what's there. But he also doesn't know if that can happen or if we'll change too much in 9 months. I tried as hard as i can to change his mind and convince him it could work but he's just too stubborn.

I'm devastated...as i understand his situation but I always follow my feelings and think he is, in a way, giving up on us.

Do you believe in fate? Could there be some kind of "ellipsis," as he called it, for a year with our relationship if we're meant to be?

I just don't see any positive side to someone who loves you leaving you because of his "logic." especially when our relationship has rarely had problems besides his work getting in the way.

[sehvral]

I'm devastated...as i understand his situation but I always follow my feelings and think he is, in a way, giving up on us.

I wouldn't call it giving up. He knows what his priorities are, and his studies trump the relationship (and his studies *should* be his #1 priority while he is in college, as should yours).

Do you believe in fate? Could there be some kind of "ellipsis," as he called it, for a year with our relationship if we're meant to be?

I don't believe in fate. Could you two rekindle things in a year? It is certainly possible. Though I don't really believe in "meant to be".

I just don't see any positive side to someone who loves you leaving you because of his "logic." especially when our relationship has rarely had problems besides his work getting in the way.

Would it be different if he left because of his emotions? He doesn't believe LDRs can work (and I can't really disagree with him, in my experience they seldom do), and doesn't want to watch things slowly die off. I can sort of see where he is going with this. Put things on hold for a year and hope for the best, as opposed to a drag-out LDR that he is convinced will end badly. He thinks the former has a better chance of ending well.

You are hurt, that is to be expected. Now you have to decide, do *you* want the relationship badly enough to wait? Do you think the two of you can rekindle things in 9 months? I can promise you, work will continue to get in the way. His top priority isn't the relationship, and chances are it won't be a year from now, either.

[vashti]

I don't believe in "fate", and I think your (ex) boyfriend sounds very smart, while you sound very.... ummm..... young.

[Paul Cho]

When I was in college, I just went there to study, learn my craft for my future, and bang any woman that walked on two legs. Those were my priorities.



Paul Cho