long distance relationship

[sunset_sunrise]

Hi all... I'm "stucked" in a relationship problem.. i've fallen for a guy who lives long distance away from me, and i've not plucked up the courage to ask him how he feels about me and is there any chance for us to progress further or if he is just contented to be my "good" friend

I'm from a country in asia, and he is from UK (lets call him K).. we got to know each other online. He is one of the 3 good friends whom i have made online and a very nice, gentlemanly and decent person.

I was having long standing problems for a few years with my ex bf at that time, I had asked for a break, but went on to give it another go when he said he would do something abt it, but things didn't improve and was stagnant.

When I started talking to the K, we really hit it off and he is such a good listener. We had lots to talk about, from interests, to the problems i'm facing, my stressful work, our families, to deeper issues of life. We would spent lots of hours on msn and 6 hours or even 9 hours would whisk past without us feeling tired of it. He knew i had a bf and things were at a breaking point. We treat each other like good friends and i felt so comfortable with him.

Due to time differences and to accomodate various aspects of our work and family life etc, I had to stay up till 5 or 6am from midnight in order to chat with him but it was well worth it..and we had been chatting for a year and a half now..

Late last year, I was craving for a holiday and I was impressed with the lovely scenery in his country, he invited me to visit and have a break and he'll play host. At that point, the platonic friendship i felt was slowly changing shape, but i really didn't look at it face on, i just knew i had to go and see him. I felt I i didn't want to have any regrets.

So, I went and we met, I knew my heart went out to him, i had the most lovely time of my life there and he was just what i thought him to be, we felt comfortable with each other, and sometimes we would just enjoyed the silence and enjoy the presence of each other. I felt really blissful just being there.

I felt strong emotions for him, and at some point, we blurred the platonic state and kissed, it was both lovely and yet heartbreaking because i knew in my heart that although i had taken the brave step to travel half a globe and 21 hours to meet him, the thought of leaving him breaks me. He did mention about not wanting to hurt me as i live so far away and how true it is that its hurts

After I left and back in my home country, I sorted myself out and broke with my bf, he knew of the problems we had and it was a hard decision but one which we both agreed on..

As for K, we kept in touch every week, and the chats didn't change, we were still able to have a lot to talk about, but we never touched on the subject of our kisses back then. However , inside my heart, i really want to know what did the kisses mean to him ? We are close but there's always something which draws us back in touching on what we had shared back then.

I wanted so much to see him again, the thought of this drives me forward everytime i face setbacks in family or work, i had spent countless nights missing him and yet i put on a brave front whenever i get to talk to him. I dare not ask him about where we are going cos i really hate to do anything that would cause me to lose him i didn't even dare to face up to whether would he want to see me visting him again ... although i badly want to tell him, i'm willing to move over to UK and be with him if he wants to...sigh.. my eyes are teary again .... what should i do now? does he even have any feelings for me ?

[xxazurexx]

He doesn't sound as invested in this, as what you are. Unsurprisingly and because he may view it that this could never work given the thousands of miles between you.

I'm unsure what possesses people to invest time in and fall in love with people who live around the globe, thousands of miles between them and just doesn't seem worth it to me and 98% of the time it will all end.

I think you are best off looking for someone closer to home.

Not much help I know

[sunset_sunrise]

thanks xxazurezz... i guess i just followed my heart when i fall for him

i know i may sound silly but does intimacy means anything to guys ? It meant a lot to me that we were not only close as soul mates, but we had "that moments" which makes it all the more special...

i mean, would guys actually just kiss any girls or at least on the pretext that there are some feelings involved ?
(he is not a playboy type from what i see... i've also been met his parents , aunty , bro and nieces) ....

[xxazurexx]

I think any guy would be tempted to kiss a pretty girl and without feelings being involved, yes, lol.

In your case I think the distance is the barrier, or else you two may be together, who knows?

The thing that concerns me, is that while you talk of your feelings for this guy, he doesn't appear to have discussed or told you if he has any romantic feelings for you, not even after your meeting. And if guys are feeling it and want more, then they normally make you aware of it and you don't usually have to question or second guess their interest. And you are having to question his interest.

It's as though he is just happy with being friends.

[sunset_sunrise]

aww, thanks for "assuming" i'm pretty LOL, not too sure abt that though

maybe that's the cultural difference, whereby in my culture, we are more reserved with kisses, cuddles and hugs.. in letting go of these inhibitions, it was really because i was developing or having feelings for him

i've always known him to be a deep person, he doesn't wear his feelings and emotions on his sleeves and in his own words, he tend not to rush things , sigh.. so i didn't dare to probe..

if lets say although we do have chemistry, and he knows its gonna be difficult for this relationship to go any further due to the distance, then where do he still keep in close contact with me ? aren't the long late night chats gonna make it more difficult to snap away from getting deeper? is he stringing me along?

btw, xxazurexx .. sorry.. are u speaking from a male or female perspective? ) any other forumers around who care to share some thoughts?

thanks and hugs to all ..

[doppelgaenger]

LDR requires a lot more communication; spending time daily with each other, reassured feelings about the love and the commitment, and a definitive plan about the future. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like your relationship doesn't have any of those things.

[bah]

Please don't make the same mistake I did. Take my advice and run far, far away. Unfortunately, this will only end in heartache because of the distance and inability to spend real time with one another.

[sadie_genie]

Distance isn't too much of a problem. The main problem is he isn't that into you. I know this because he didn't even discuss his feelings with you after he kissed you. Seems like he doesn't want to get involved that way with you. Looks like he just wants to be friends with you. If it hurts you, don't talk to him anymore.