Smoking..

[BillyGalbreath]

Well lately I've been thinking about quitting smoking.. again... lol

I've been looking for every excuse in the world to quit. Everytime I light up a cigarette I would think something to try to make myself put it out. I have the want. But i lack the will, or the motivation.

Thats when I read a 'quote of the day' that one of my bosses put up on the 'quote of the day' board (kinda redundant i know) saying "Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going." And i know quotes like that mean something different to each person.. But to me that meant something alot more than it prolly did to everyone else in the office. It instantly took a toll on me and i thought about it constantly.

Then i realized, I have all the motivation in the world. I even know alot of the motivation that would get me to quit. Money, health, kids, cleanliness, etc etc.. There are endless things that motivate me to quit. And they HAVE motivated me to quit. I've quit like 4 different times this year. But each time i would start back up within a week or two.

Habit. I lack the habbit NOT to quit. I smoke to have an excuse to get out of things, or to do something. Like at work. I use smoking as a way to go outside and get away from the office for a few minutes. At home, or while I am driving around, I'll get bored and i'll light up a cigarette so that my hands are busy doing something. Thats another thing. My hands. I am a very hyper type of person. I cant sit still for very long at all. I have to be doning something. Moving around, building something. Anything to get my hands moving.

So I know all the reasons to quit. And I know the reasons why I dont quit. But what is stopping me from actually quitting ?! Why cant I do it ? I have no idea. Until today.

My main boss. The president of the company. The guy that never says anything to anyone and NEVER EVER gets in someone's personal matters unless he REALLY REALLY likes you. He comes up to me not even 15 minutes ago while I am outside smoking a cigarette. I am expecting him to yell at me about taking so many breaks, and i was building up an excuse in my head to get out of it. Thats when he asks me how i am doing. I said "fine." all nervously and shit. And he just kept looking at me in the face. he never smiled. He didnt turn his head away. He was wearing sun glasses so I couldn't see his eyes. But I felt them staring into my eyes hard. Kinda like a seargant in the military would do.

"I'm just a bit tired from playing baseball last night." I then said to see if I could devert his attention from me taking a smoke break to something else.

"Yeah. All that running around chasing tail would make ya tired." He says. Then he looks down at my hands and point to my cigarette and says "And those things right there dont help any either."

I didn't know how to react so I just laughed and said "I know."

This is where he leaves "boss mode" and turns into a normal guy for the next few minutes. I've never seen him like this and it kinda freaked me out.

"Those ****ing things nearly killed me." he says as I remember the heart attack he had a few weeks ago. I didn't know how to react so I stayed quite. "I'm going to step up on this pedistol for a moment so bare with me."

"Ok." i said really softly...

This is where he goes on and tells me the sweet little details no one ever tells you about. He got extremely personal with me and brought me into his life. He told me everything he went thru from that heart attack. How the doctors gave him a 5% chance to live. Everything. He used curse words, which he NEVER curses. He basically broke down and just gave it all to me right then and there about smoking and all the things no one ever tells you in detail. The things I never wanted to hear, but the things that made me turn around and put that cigaratte out in the middle of his talking to me. I wont tell you the details of what he said cause I'd sit here typing all day if i did that.

"This is the last time you'll ever hear a word out of me about this again. From here on out, its your own choice. But why wait until you almost die to make that choice ? I got a second chance at life... Will you ?"

He then returns to "boss mode". His entire posture changed, and then he turned and walked away. I stood there and watched him walk away thinking and processing everything he just said and matched it in my mind with my own words and thoughts until it clicked.

I pulled my cigarette out of my pocket and crumbled it in my hands thinking about my entire smoking past and how not one cigarette ever helped me do anything. Then I tossed them in the trash can and walked inside and sat in my office.

My boss walks up to me and says "Is everything ok ?" with a worried look on her face.

"Yeah, everything is fine." I replied

"It looked like he was giving you the fifth degree on something."

"No, he just shared everything that happened to him in detail about his heart attack and how it was caused by smoking. I think he was hinting to me that i should quit, but he never told me to quit or even asked me."

"Oh my. You know he never ever gets into someones personal business, dont you ?"

"I know."

"You should take that as a compliment. He must really like you."

She then walks away. And now I have a big smile on my face and have made the decision to quit. And this time I wont find a reason to pick them back up again. I am not going to wait until I am 45 years old and nearly dieing to have a doctor tell me to quit or die.. I wont wait that long to make the decision. I already know the ends of both roads. Why would I want to make the decision to die early ? Why would anyone ? Death is inevitable, I know. But would you want to rush it ? I certainly dont want to. So I put cigarettes down. I've made my choice. And this time it WILL be true. I have my motivation. I have my will. Now i just need to build a habbit. This time I know that. This time I wont fail myself.

[PandaCivic]

let's see if next week or next month you gonna light up again...I can't even get one of my friends to quit. but then again, i didn't have that convincing of a story to tell her.

[Illusional]

wait till you get the feeling that you have just created a hole in one of your lungs.. it isn't too fun. raverboy

[KaWaiiSkYe]

OMG. Smoking can KILL? Maybe I should quit too. Heheheheheheehehe.

[cbee]

Wait till you see one of your family die from lung cancer caused by it. That'd make you never want to smoke again.

Evil evil weed.

[KaWaiiSkYe]

Weed is bad too? Oh no. I have to quit that too then.

[Kiechi]

Bah. I don't smole or smoke or smoke weed. Tut tut kawaii haha jk. Im a good boy >.>

[BillyGalbreath]

Um... this entire thread was about smoking cigarettes - I havent smoked weed in over 2 years. And I'll never smoke it again.

ANYWAYS. Today is my first day of no smoking and it a sucky one. Like always I am feining pretty hardcore for a cig right now. I woke up reaching for a cigarette pack that wasnt there.. In the car I reached for it again.. And I passed by like 100 stores on the way to work this morning and I was tempted to go buy a pack and "just smoke one or two a day". Yeah right - last time i said that it was one or two a day then it grew to "another wont hurt" next thing i knew i was smoking a pack a day again. **** that - I wont fall for it again.

[cbee]

Sorry, I meant tobacco was an evil weed, wasn't referring to anything else (Although weed weed is evil for different reasons)

Me, I'm a very good girl

[Illusional]

my grandfather already died from smoking and drinking too much. considering that i have half the risk as he does, (i only drink) i probably will live twice as long as he does.

raverboy

[BillyGalbreath]

My grandfather died of a stroke that was triggered from lung cancer. He got throat cancer from smoking and they had to remove his vocal cords to get rid of it. So he had no voice for the last 10-15 years of his life. He quit smoking once this occured but the doctors missed all the cancer or something and it came up in his lungs. Eventually his lung cnacer cut off the circulation of oxygen to his brain enough to cause alot of mior strokes, then one final one that left him brain dead. Thats when my grandmother was offered a choice from the doctors. He could live the life of a vegitable for however long he will remain, or they can take the machines off him and let nature take its place. She made the best, but hardest choice ever to make.

[Fawn]

Its unbelievable to see how smoking can effect peoples lives so badly.

My father is a smoker. So I've been around second hand smoke ever since I was born. I've had asthma due to second hand smoke and I have constant problems when it comes to breathing issues. This, I'm afraid, is all because I have been surrounded by smoke since I was a baby. I've never smoked a day in my life and never plan too. Just being around it is enough.

I'm afraid that one day when I get older, I'll contract emphazema or cancer because of the carelessness of my father. I've asked him to stop, but he will not listen. He's gone down in the amount of cigarettes he smokes, but its still not enough. I want my health, my fathers and my mothers health to be good again.

[KaWaiiSkYe]

I don't smoke all the time. Whenever I can. Which is never now actually.

[Illusional]

i would also choice to take the life of a loved one, rather then have them live on a machine.. it's completely pointless. we had this discussion in my philosophy class before. i think that most people feel as thought they would rather have the machine removed, because once you're on it, you're basically a burden to your loved ones. raverboy

[KaWaiiSkYe]

Ay-yor.. I don't know what to say..