How to reconnect with a guy you broke it off with

[geminigirl1234]

Hi,

I guess my situation is a bit tricky as it does not have the typical dumper/dumpee dynamic.

I was seeing this guy for about 5 months, at first he was making lots of plans to see me, was really into me, and was in general taken by me.
However, by about the 4th month, I started getting scared that he would leave me, and so was acting a bit insecure and clingy, I think he could sense this too and was withdrawing a bit, but still kept on making plans, and wanting to see me. By the 5th month, I decided to break it off with him because I was scared of getting hurt. I was also going through some tough times back then, and so my decision was emotion based rather than logic.

Now its been two months since I told him I cant see him anymore (to which he didnt object) and I wanted to start talking to him again, and perhaps seeing if the spark is still there....

But the problem, is that I dont really know how to go about it.

Do I just tell him that I was going through a tough time back then, and if he is ever in my town that I would love to hang out?

Suggestions would be awsome! Also, I wanted to know if there are people out there that went through a similar situation and what happened to them.

Thanks

[Gigabitch]

Why would he believe that you wouldn't turn around and do this again?

[davidtorres]

call him up. talk to him. you cant text a guy on things like this. tell him you want to meet up for lunch just to catch up and make a plan with him. ask him when is he free to have a lunch.
let me help you out step by step:
1. call him
2. This is what you say " hey hows it going?" i was checking my phone i saw your number and thought about you. I was wondering if you want to go out for lunch so we can catch up?"

a guy should know the meaning of those lines.

3. explain yourself when you guys meet up.

[geminigirl1234]

So I should call him up if i'm the one that ended things? But the thing is, I dont want to chase him, I want it to be the other way around like before hehe.

Also, when I ended things he didnt seem too upset anywyas....just kind of confused I guess, prolly thought ok weird one.


Thanks for the advice David...Isnt it best though to let him know that I would like to catch up and go for lunch....but let him make the moves? or is this situation different cuz I techinically broke it off with him (One of the reasons I did it is also because I felt him losing interest for me a bit)

And also, what do I tell him when we do meet up and its time for me to "explain myself" lol....

[bah]

So I should call him up if i'm the one that ended things? But the thing is, I dont want to chase him, I want it to be the other way around like before

That's not chasing him. That's a tease. Make the call and then let him chase.

[SirWagginston]

He's not going to chase you after what you did. If you are sincere, and he is as understanding as you say he is, it could be possible for you two to get back together, but only if you go after him.

[lahnnabell]

Agreed. Why would he chase someone that already rejected him once?

[Mr. Turtle]

Thanks for the advice David...Isnt it best though to let him know that I would like to catch up and go for lunch....but let him make the moves? or is this situation different cuz I techinically broke it off with him (One of the reasons I did it is also because I felt him losing interest for me a bit)

You screwed the pitch so why should he have to make "moves" so you can get what YOU want. Its downright selfish and lazy. No guy with a set should ever take that sort of disrespect because you were "going through some things." Dont you all complain about wanting a guy to be there for you when you go through those same things? I got a buffalo nickel that says you didnt even give him the opp to be there for you and you diner-dashed him to go handle whatever it was. BTW, this screams "conveniently left out details."

[geminigirl1234]

I forgot to mention though....

When I broke it off with him

The next day I apologized by saying "Im sorry for telling you to go away like that, I didnt mean to...I hope your doing well, take care."

He replied by saying "its ok, I understand why you did it that way, I was just confused at first, anywyas if you are ever in my town, we can go for coffee."


Does that change the situation a bit? As to how I should approach reconciliation....?


I should have mentioned that part hehe.

[lahnnabell]

People usually extend the offer of grabbing coffee as a peace offering, but an empty one most of the time. If I had a nickel for every time I said, "We'll grab coffee sometime" to a person, I'd be f-ing rich. What is the reason behind your wanting to rekindle things? Do you find yourself bored and wanting attention? If so, those are very selfish reasons to open back up to him.

You didn't give him a chance to be there for you in the first place, so he's probably thinking that you're gonna pull the same stunt again some day.

[jessZ]

I think you need to really examine why you became clingy/insecure in the first place. What have you done to improve yourself and your situation over the past two months?? To be honest it sounds like you're still kinda insecure, and I suppose if you get back together with this guy, you run the risk of falling into the same pattern (ie - becoming needy, him withdrawing)

[xxazurexx]

I'm wondering why you want to bother pursuing him. What is it you 'exactly' want from him? If it's a relationship, I'm thinking you might be wasting your time (any guy who starts to withdraw, doesn't want a full on relationship). I'm assuming it wasn't a full on relationship and after 5 months?

It's your place to go back and because you were the one who called it off. You can't expect someone to come chasing you and when you ended it....

Saying that, I've been in a similar situation. I'd ended it with a guy and for off and on same reason in you, I was afraid I'd get hurt.....
But he'd continued to chase me and despite my ending it. Because he did this, it proved to me that he must feel something for me, so I'd gone back.
If he hadn't have chased me though, it was still my place to go back.

I think your insecurities led you to end it and because of the uncertainty of where this was going?
You broke it off, in the hopes he'd come chasing you and he didn't.....

Now you are regretting it (your testing him backfired) and you are wanting to go back and have him chase you like before. Have him PROVE to you, that he does care....

I guess the only way to know if he does care, is to go back, (it's your place), apologise to him, say you would like to try things again and see what happens from there.

[isay]

Yeah...doesn;'t seem like he cared that much when you broke up with him but who knows? only you know the exact situation. Talk to him, be friends and then see what happens. Be honest with him and he may consider it.

[girl68]

So I should call him up if i'm the one that ended things? But the thing is, I dont want to chase him, I want it to be the other way around like before hehe.

You're the girl I love to hate. You dump him then want him to beg you to stay then decide after 2 months of nothing that you'd like him to come running begging to have you back? Umm yeah no, that's not how it works.

[geminigirl1234]

Wow, didnt realize I would get such negative comments.
I thought I was being hard on myself, but I guess others are hard too.
Hmmm....well I thank you guys for the comments.
However, I believe that anything is possible, if you still think that things might work out with someone, I say give it a shot, be friendly, nice, perhaps apologize if it is necessary.

azure, you are totally right about the situation. That is exactly what happened. Guess it didnt work out as I hoped huih?
But I thnik people grow from experiences that cause pain and this has definitely been one of them.
Anywyas all the best!