Reasons to be concerned?

[siobhan123]

I cant decide if i am over-reacting or what. A few days ago my fone broke, my boyfriend let me use his old phone, when i turned it on his screen saver was his ex girlfriend, i obviously knew it wasnt his fault so didnt think much of it until he gave me a memory card to put in it, i was horrified when i came across lots of photos of him and her which they had taken themselves, pictutes of them kissing, snuggling, lots of photos of her and then a whole folder of pictures of her in underwear and naked. I did get upset but my boyfriend told me im over reacting? I know he didnt do it on purpose but surely anyone would be hurt? ... To be honest though, my main problem lies with the fact my biyfriend has never once took a photo of me, never once had me as his screen saver, never takes pictures of the two of us together? Im not really into rhe whole sending kinky picture business but obviously my bf is and im quite hurt hes never botgered to ask me for these kind of photos? It automatically made me feel less attractive. I told my boyfriend my concerns and he sarcastically replies "oh i obviously fancied her mire cos i havent u as my screensaver in undies" or tells me im being childish, but does anyone else see where i am coming from? Weve also had issues in the bedroom, he told me he dudnt sleep wirh me cos i had to come iff the pill, im back on it now and yet we rarely sleep tigether and wen we do it lasts no longet than ten mins... I feel its a chore and rushef and its really getting me down but i dont know how to raise rhe ussue without affecting his confidence? Hes always getting on at me fior "no being confident in myself" but how can i explain to him hes the reason i have none?

[lastwish]

People always want to be what they can't be. A girl like her who is all sexy and kinky might be feeling trashy compared to you and get jealous that your boyfriend have a more purified attraction for you.

[QueenofCorona]

Someone (on here) told me once that its not about changing him, its about determining what exactly you are willing to put up with. I don't know how long you two have been together and he may have forgotten his old phone even had those on there if he's not using his phone everyday. If you voiced your concerns in a mature way, not accusing or whiney then he shouldn't really be a jackass about it or hold it against you. It sounds like you two are incompatible not only in person but in the bedroom.

[siobhan123]

But surely wen u add everything together, something is wrong? All my frienda in relationships think this is odd? Were young, i dont wanr to sleep wirh him once in a blue moon, all my friends and their boyfriends are completely different, ino every relationships different but at 20 yrs old i dont want to be feeling unwanted, un-sexy and second best to his ex?

[hfp22]

I think you are over reacting to the pictures and not. First, I think you are not overreacting because he should have gotten rid of those pics a long time ago. It just isn't healthy to hold on to them. If he needs them so much, why is he with you. But you are overreacting because these pictures have nothing to do with you. Frankly, they aren't any of your business. What he did with her is between them and none of it should matter to you. If you are uncomfortable about viewing these pictures, that is understandable. But you seem threatened or bothered by this pictures and that is unhealthy.

What he chose to do with someone in the past has nothing to do with you now. He may have been a little more childish then, but not now, as many men do change like this over time. Don't expect the same treatment, it isn't fair to him and especially not fair to you. Make your own relationship with him with your own unique experiences, not based on what he did with others.

Now here comes the gritty stuff. I think your relationship doesn't sound very healthy. You obviously have intimacy problems with him. He doesn't seem to want to let go of the ex if he still has pics of her. A grown man would move on. Plus, I don't his age but your sex life doesn't sound very lively. He may be going through some depression. The sex only lasting ten minutes is not the problem; many men only go about that long but there are things he can do to keep it going longer. It sounds like his mind is filled with concerns or troubles and it is affecting your sex life.

What you should do is truly ask yourself what you want. Make a list and ask him to do these things one at a time. Don't bombard him with all the requests, we men hate that. If he isn't willing to work with you on these requests, it may be time to seek counseling or move on to some who will work for you because you deserve better for yourself. But don't make the pictures the issue because they are really. The issue is how he is treating you and your needs.

Sincere best wishes.

[siobhan123]

I know tge pictures arent the issue, i said i knew it wasnt his fault. He didnt mean to keep thdm because they were on an old phone and tbh when their relationship ended he isnt going to think about all of the fones he had in their relationship to delete them. I know it isnt anything to do with me but its abit of a confidence knock when you see lots of photos of him and her and her half naked and he doesnt have just one of me. Hes21, im 20. I think at this age our sex life should be abit more exciting, before he useto make such an effort and now i feel its as quick as he can get it over with.

[dewilliams2]

Well I think your right to not be upset about the pix...I mean I'm sure he didn't mean for you to see them and I'm sure he just hadn't gotten around to deleting them. I have old pix like that on memory cards and shit....who knows how old they are and what is on them.

But while I have had women send me pictures like that I have never asked for them. They are simply sent to me.

So my advice...take your clothes off, take a pic of yourself, send it to him and in the text write "I'm gonna **** your brains out"....I don't know what guy wouldn't be happy with that. But I don't think your supposed to ask for those kinda pics.

Now if your talking about during sex or just around the house naked pictures then maybe he just doesn't think your comfortable with that but if he is into it then tell him your cool with him bringing the camera in. And who knows maybe he isn't into it as much as she was.

[girl68]

Ever thought for one second SHE sent the pictures, and he never asked for them. He just sort of got them as a surprise from her. If you're not into that you're not but don't get all pissy because she WAS into that...

And second have you ever met a girl who just took picutres of everything all day long, corny kissy pictures, snuggling and shit? Well perhaps his ex was one of those, perhaps he never initiated anything. Perhaps SHE took his phone and saved the screensaver. You do know that there are girls who do that right?

[Gigabitch]

How many different ways does this guy need to show you he doesn't really care? WHEN are you going to chuck him?

[siobhan123]

Maybe she did send them, but wen i asked him he told me he was into it all? Yer she could of saved tvd screen saver but he knew howto change it. And gaga, i know ur opinion but i feel like we sort one problem out and come across anothet