NEEEEEEED help, please..

[melc0608]

I'm 20 and so is my boyfriend. We have been going out for 2 years, and have been through a lot. Earlier tonight he told me that he was falling out of love with me and wanted to break up. I didn't know how to handle it because he's my life, and I feel like I'm such a small part of his. How do you deal with the one you love looking you in the eyes and telling you that they don't love you/don't want to be with you anymore? I've never been dumped or anything, but I don't understand how anyone could go through with it.. I guess I'm asking to be prepared. I'm used to seeing him every day and I don't think I'd want to live without him...HELP SOMEONE ANYONE

[sypher]

"im used to seeing him every day"

speaking as a man who has recently ruined his relationship, i can tell you that the comfort/complacency that comes with seeing my girl every day got to me, after the same amount of time. we actually just hit our two year mark.

so heres the thing, make sure you do whats best for you. you don't wanna live your life moving from one comfortable moment to the next. either way, you will need to learn to spend time away from each other. time for him to see friends, time for you to see friends. and keep the relationship interesting! do things you've never done before. go to a shooting range together or a picnic or cliff diving, water skiing, anything! just make sure you have fun in life. youre young, dont waste that. also, travel. a lot. there's nothing like a warm bed in a foreign place with the one you love.

but really, if he feels this way, beat him to the punch! sit him down and talk about your relationship. set up new guidelines. essentially, start dating all over again. address both of your issues, and if at the end of the conversation, you both decide you still want to be with each other, then wonderful! but its better to know early if a relationship has gone sour then to cling desperately to a broken one until you are both old and beaten, living together and hateful.

[RdHrshyKss]

i agree with sypher. you are young, don't be afraid to be alone because you have plenty of youth left. if you guys do break up, you will find someone else.

my only question is whether you were blindsided by this, or if this was something noticeable? did you think the relationship was great without any idea as to how he was really feeling? if you had NO IDEA that he was feeling badly about the relationship then i would have to ask why? if he never communicated with you that something was wrong in the relationship, then i would ask him to take the opportunity to talk to you about it and give you the chance to work on it with him. no relationship is perfect, it takes an effort from both individuals to make a relationship work. if he is not willing to work with you, then i would say he probably has an interest in someone else and wants to sever ties so that he'll be available. that is just a speculation.

one thing i noticed in reading your post is that you sound like you are clinging to the relationship too much. like sypher said, you should spend time doing things for yourself and giving him the time to do things for himself. if in the end, you break up, take the alone time to evaluate yourself. what it is that YOU like, what are YOUR interests...concentrate on yourself. do not jump into another relationship because it could lead to the same fate. you need to be comfortable with yourself in order to develop a lasting relationship with someone. making your life all about your relationship, especially at such a young age when you have so much ahead of you, will only lead to problems.

good luck!

[TAVS]

Step One: Cease all contact with the individual
Step Two: Find peace in things you love to do
Step Three: Start dating again and wash away any lingering feelings.

Tada!

[Jas_mine]

You say you can't live without him but unless he is water or oxygen I guarantee you will survive. I know it sucks, it's harsh and heartbreaking when somebody you love no longer reciprocates that same love but wouldn't you rather he told you straight up instead of maybe doing something cowardly like disappearing or finding another lover? There must be a gadzillion questions running through your head, you must feel it's something you lack on your part, that you're not good enough but this is most definitely not the case - people fall in love and fall out of love everyday, if we were all designed to stay in love forever, then well we'd all still be with the first person we dated.

It will be tough - you were with somebody who you was your whole world and now that world is completely shattered, you will feel lost and lonely without him, this is all natural, you just have to occupy yourself, wean yourself off him, busy yourself with the company of family and friends, learn to socialise without him again. Remember, you have lived eighteen years without him and you managed just fine, if you were fine before him you will be fine after him. Besides I know you can't really want to be with somebody who no longer loves you - what you can learn from this is that he isn't the one for you, 'the one' is still out there waiting to be discovered, the longer you spend wasting your time focusing on this broken relationship, the longer you are keeping yourself from finding him.

It won't happen overnight but it will get better with time, just stay strong.