I'm in love with a married woman. Please give me some advice!

[CDUBYA]

Hi. So the title says it all. I'm in love with a married woman and I don't know what to do.
I've knew this girl in college. We worked and hung out together around 15 years ago. There was always an intense attraction to each other and we did "hook up" a few times (no sex). She liked me alot and wanted a relationship, but at the time, I just wasn't ready for that commitment. I definitely had feelings for her but they were not on the same level. Anyway, after a year or two, we went our seperate ways and I never saw her again. Though I've often wondered about her and thought I may have made a mistake back then by not pursuing a relationship.
Now to March of 2009. We found eachother on facebook. We instantly picked up right where we left off. We chatted online for hours the very first night, just catching up etc. After a few nights of this, I offered up my phone number and told her to call me sometime if she wanted to. I know this was probably wrong, but there was always something about her.
She called. We talked for like four hours that first night. Then again the next night, and the next, and the next. You get the point! We talked every night for weeks. Her husband was out of town working. She made it clear that her marriage was on the skids and she wanted out. The problem? Two small kids and one on the way. She found out she was pregnant a week before we started talking. When she told me, she cried. I wanted her to be happy and not feel bad about it. At this point, I should've walked away but I just couldnt.
To make a long story short, we continued to talk through her pregnancy and continue to this day. It's been 14 months now since we re-connected. I knew she couldn't just up and leave while she was pregnant so I waited. She had the baby in October. So now, seven months later, I'm becoming impatient. She's told me time after time that she's very unhappy and wants to be with me, but she doesn't want to look like the bad guy by asking for a divorce. And of course, she's also worried about her kids. I understand all this and try to be understanding. But something needs to happen. I've invested over a year in this girl and now I want something to happen.
We still talk and exchange a dozen texts or more a every day. We've seen eachother only a few times because she lives in another state. But there's no doubt, we are in love and want desperately to be with each other. I've even offered to pay for the divorce if she needs it and to pick up my life here in NC and move six hours away to be with her. I don't have kids so it's not a big problem for me. I don't know what else to do. I've offered everything I can think of to make the divorce as easy as possible. She keeps saying it's coming, but doesn't know when. She would rather her hubby be the one to ask for it. I undeerstand that, but like I told her, every day you wait is another day we could've been together.
I feel like I'm reaching the end of my patience. I'm 37 and really want to start a life with someone. I want it to be her because we seem perfect for each other, but how long can I wait? I love this woman very much and want to be with her.
Any advice or tips or comments?

[PussyCatDoll]

Are you sure you're not in love with the idea of just being with someone? and you've picked her because of a crush you had years ago?
She seems like 1. too much baggage, 2. like shes not gona lave her husband and 3. like she should really put her kids first

maybe you should take a 'break' and give each other some space..and when she's ready she'll come to you.. but just give her a time limit..

IMO, i think she should just ask for the divorce. She's been cheating for 14 months..
But if her marriage was really bad how comes she got knocked up twice? If my marriage was bad the last thing I would want would be to bring kids into it.

[LoveRelease]

HI,

I read your story, and the things you write are totally nonsense. Everyone of as, and that is true, have many of opportunities trough the life...And our choice is if you will accept it or give it up. You made you choice 15 years ago, and now, when you finally get your mistake you would like to make it right. Well the thing is, she moved on no matter how
hard was that for here. She has a new life, and now, when she sees that here marriage is not like some fairy tale she would like to escape.
Well my opinion is that you didn't find here by accident, and when you offer yourself to here she was glad. All woman want to be desirable, needed, they have a big need of that, every day,no matter of their man, they want to know that there is someone who aspire for them.
Why is she still with him, well, she would never leave him. That is true. She love him, and the kids they have, make the commitment more stronger. She is mother now, and she can't let here self the love affairs. You can just be here friend, who will always telling here how beautiful she is. You are just the one who is feeding here ego. And that's it.
If she really head some filling for you, she would be already there with you!!!!
Sorry, that is life, woman are pretty simple in a way, and other very complicated.
My advice is for you to move on, and forget the thinking of what you could have and how it would seemed like.
There are a lot of woman who are looking for soul made, you just need to let your feelings go, they will find the right way.

[xxazurexx]

She made it clear that her marriage was on the skids and she wanted out....The problem? Two small kids and one on the way..

Funny that. Because the last thing I'd be doing and if my marriage was on the rocks and I genuinely wanted out, is still having sex with him and wind up pregnant like she's done.

Sorry but I don't buy it. If she was truly unhappy and wanting out of this marriage, she wouldn't just be talking, but walking.
More so and when you have gone out of your way and made it easy for her to walk out.

I mean c'mon...you have given her 14 months! If she was gonna leave, she'd have done so long before now.

[xxazurexx]

And I also agree with Pussycatdoll......sounds to me that you are just looking for someone to be with.
Rather than look for someone new and have to put in the work involved in getting to know someone from scratch, (which takes time)....you go seeking an old crush looking to pick up where it left off.

[Kaius]

She is never going to leave her husband. She could have aborted the unborn baby, but she didn't. She wants all of the emotional comfort you provide, as well as the security of a family life, which husband provides.
If she seriously wanted out, she would have acted a long time ago. Looking like a bad guy is NOTHING in comparison to being in a bad marriage. If it were that bad, she wouldn't care if she looked like Hitler.
She may not love the husband all that much anymore, but with 3 kids, she is less likely to pack up and leave now. Some people are okay with being in a emotionless marriage for the sake of the kids.
But in this case, I don't think she is ready to give it all up for you. Sorry. You are expecting too much from a mother. She will not be available to you until she independently leaves the marriage,
raise her kids on her own, and completely severs emotional ties with husband. This can take years. It doesn't look like it's ever going to happen. Step back and see it from external view.
Does she behave like someone who would leave the marriage? There's your answer.

[Incognito]

I feel for you man, I really do. I myself someone who doesn't easily let go of the past, especially people. In her defense she may not opt to get a divorce because she wouldn't be eligible for alimony, and there would possibly be a child custody battle because of child support. You offering to pay for the divorce is a drop in the bucket compared to what she could possibly lose (alimony, child support, or possibly the custody of at least one child). If you're getting impatient, then move on. You can't rush this if you really want to be with her. Then again I think you are so infatuated with the idea of being in a relationship with someone that you hit it off with in the past that you have blinded yourself about all the other issues that will come along with having a relationship with her. For instance, have you considered....

You never truly be rid of her current husband because of the kids?
You'll be responsible for four lives instead of just one?
One kid is a job.....four that aren't even yours is going to be reaaly tough.
What will happen if you two move in together only to find out that it won't work? (She won't have anywhere to go since she left her husband)