I'm in an awkward situation

[Balder]

Hello everyone. I'm new around here, so please, be nice to me!

To be quite honest, I only registered so that I could get some advice, but hopefully, I'll have plenty of reasons to stick around!

Anyway, here's my problem. There's a girl. I've known her for many years. I've always thought she was pretty beautiful and intelligent, but I never felt anything for her. If something were to happen, it would occur naturally, and not forced (not in a bad sense, of course). I guess you say that I was attracted, but I never felt any passion or obsession for her.

So good so far. But recently, I've started to get mixed feelings about her. At first, I imagined that was probably because it's been a couple of months since I've been with a girl, so perhaps my hormones were deregulated (it wouldn't be the first time, so I'd capable of pin pointing the cause). But the thing is, I'm only get "turned on" (not in the literal sense) by her! Even if I'm around other girls, talking and having fun with them, I don't feel anything for them!

I'm constantly thinking about her. I dream about her. And I can't understand why!! I get confusing signals, whenever I'm watching television or reading books, or talking to someone, like some kind of message between the lines, impulsing me to express my feelings for her. Like there's some natural force trying to push me towards her. And the problem is, I don't know what to do! I'm afraid it will backfire, because I've known her for roughly five years, and we study together. We know a lot of people, and... rumours spread like fire in college. The last thing I need is getting my friendship with her ruined and obtaining a pseudo-Casanova reputation!

Honestly, I don't know how approach her about this issue. I'd like to play some mind-games with her first, trying to understand if the feeling is mutual through some subtle actions that'd allow me to read her.

I'm beginning to think that's she's emitting some pheromones that are driving me crazy!!

Help me guys (and gals)! And thanks a lot!

[cmacattack1]

Ah...I don't know if mind games are the way to go. But if it's been five years, I'm sure you have long since been friend zoned. I guess the way to find out for sure would be to see if she wants to do things outside of studying. You know, like FUN things. That way you can certainly learn more about the situation, and at the same time figure out how you feel about her because I still think you are confused a bit. Take it one thing at a time here, if it goes well, keep going along. At some point she will either catch on and tell you how she feels or you will find the right moment to tell her how you feel. But that's jumping the gun a bit.

Focus on hanging out outside of school first.

[Balder]

That's the problem. She is living in the same city as I do, since we study in the same university, but in the weekends, she goes home. So whenever there's some time to do something fun, she's always someplace else. It's already hard to find some time during the week, for both of us. Perhaps I should be a little more "agressive" ? I like to read people, so generally, I take a more "passive" approach until I can understand people (that extends to family, friends, and anything else you can think about).

I'm pretty confused, though, so I'm afraid I might take the wrong steps. I hate doing anything hot headed, because I tend to make a lot of mistakes.

[andrew76]

I second camacattack. You need to try to get her out. Try and have a few drinks maybe, keep it relaxed and if it feels right, go for the kiss! But you need to woo her first or she won't be ready for it. She probably thinks of you as a friend, maybe she thinks more of you than you realise but you need to suggest things first. Suggestion is a good tactic, not direct, not agressive just a bit of body language maybe, a wink and a smile (but smooth!). Remember to be relaxed but if she's a friend then it's got to mean something if it all goes to pot. If it goes badly you'll probably know but you may need to be super slow for it to work. Don't just jump in there with no fore-play dude, she may be pretty cold to anything if she's a friend!

One thing I would say is that if she's always busy when you ask either she just thinks of you as a friend or she's not interested. I've ruined a good couple of friendships by making it known I like them. Both times I was very glad I tried even though I could have been a little cooler at the time. You don't want to end up thinking there's hope and missing out on others for another five years!