30 Days No Contact

[IndiReloaded]

the only way to ensure yourself of getting over someone is to delete their number and not bother with them anymore.

raverboy

I agree^. This journal-thing will only prolong your pain b/c you are focussing on it every day and having intermittent contact. Psychologists call this "partial reinforcement" and know that a behaviour that is partially reinforced is MUCH harder to extinguish.

Plus, the whole '30-day' thing reads like a bad pop-psych book.

Just cut contact cold turkey. Skip the whole timeline thing. Decide its over and just leave it at that.

[Cosmo]

EDIT--------------

Ok I just reread the original post. This is a failed relationship that is stuck in a downward spiral because one or both of you don't have the courage to move on. You don't need a 30 day break, you need to break up and never speak again. In a year, or two years, you might be able to reconnect as friends. If any romantic feelings pop up then you need to break off contact indefinitely. Some people can stay friends, most can't.

Whenever a couple breaks up, gets together, breaks up, they're not doing so to 'fix things' they're doing it because they don't want to be with the person but then get a taste of the single life and get scared back into the relationship. Leave and don't look back, move forward and up.


---It's funny how differently I feel since actually doing the NC thing. It really works, I miss her terribly but I feel better overall, every day. And every day it keeps on getting better. Eventually I'll get back to my old self, the guy everyone wanted to be with. Not the guy holding the purse for the crazy broad.

[ExBack]

I'll take you by the hand and show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your ex lover back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying... look my profile

[Laura4141]

have you thought about talking to a relationship coach? best wishes!

[NewStart]

Officially, the 30 days no contact started yesterday . .

So, I discovered the "no contact rule" which is a period of time (most cite 30 days) to stay away from the other person so both of you can have time to mentally and emotionally dump what's happened.

I need this thread so I can write about my progress, for myself, and maybe encourage other people along the way.

Overall, the 30 Days No Contact is about personal improvement; accepting things the way they are, improving yourself and making some changes in your own life.

The title grabbed my attention. I separated from my wife on May 1st (she moved out). We officially 'broke up' last Sunday. I suggested we give a span of time to have zero contact (including texting, email, facebook, etc.). I thought 6 weeks would be good; she said a month should do it. So, I am totally on board with your theory: give it time to heal over, make some personal growth before being faced with your partner (ex-partner).

I have not read your whole thread yet, but I will check your progress. I have been writing in a journal, reading a book called "The Wisdom of a Broken Heart" by Susan Piver. It has been just the thing to keep my spirits up, and to help me look at the pain rather than running away from it, or trying to just cover it up.

Good luck to you on your journey of recovering who you really are!

[exprezo]

You have given me good advices on my BF issue during the cool off period. But all I can think of now to tell you is...backing off is a step forward. I am STILL learning to understand this phrase. I got this dharma word from temple during our cool-off period with my BF [you already read my post].

You remembered how much I miss him day and nite and we set a period of 10 days. I miss him and love him, the burden on my chest was very heavy but I kept holding myself never ever txt or call him. One day at work....I saw him ONLINE on GTALk..oh my GOD...do you know how tempting to me to type Hi to him? But I made it, I did not and he went offline...probably coz he saw me online. Every nite, when I have the urge to talk to him or think of him I wrote wishes and put them in a bottle. Maybe you will think I am dumb or so fairy tale....but hey...I wanna get my words out...but not break the no contact rule on him.

He texted me on the 6th day and requesting to see me the next day. He did not make it to 10th day. Maybe that is what the dharma word from temple meant??? Well of course something BAD happened during this "backoff / cool off period". He kissed his coworker!!!!!!!!