New romance, I like her but I'm feeling sad

[andrew76]

I moved to Nottingham from Manchester about a month and a half ago. I started to see a girl from Manchester a month before I left. We're still dating (two and a half months) and I like her.

i feel sad for three reasons.

1. I'm not happy with living in Nottingham for a variety of reasons, one of which is definitely being further away from my new love interest. However I would say she is only 20% of my Nottingham problem. I'm desperate to get back but it envolves quite a bit of effort.

2. When we're together it is pretty good but I miss my new love interest when we're apart. It makes me sad that she is not next to me. We see each other once or twice a week but that is not enough for me.

3. She is pretty relaxed about the whole thing. She says she likes me but does not seem half as enthusiastic towards me as I am to her. She has indicated that she is not ready to see me as her girlfriend yet but i'm confused as to if it is because she's not keen enough or whether she just wants to go slowly. She has even suggested that she does not want to commit to just me, even though she has said it is only me at the moment.

When I'm in Nottingham and she is not with me I'm always begin to feel unhappy and I start to feel pretty insecure too as she is not giving me any security.

Is this healthy? Is it worth struggling with and being patient? (I am prepared to do this but I'm finding it very difficult)

[andrew76]

any thoughts, advice or encouragement?

[qbabes]

Hey, you should give it time - its always tough at first in a new city, but you need to start thinking with a new mentality. I moved from Bristol to London 4 months ago and at first I was miserable and every day all I could think about was moving back. But about a month ago I started to realise that I was really enjoying my life in London and that moving back to Bristol would feel like a giant step backwards. You just have to try not to always compare things in Nottingham to Manchester, and it'll take a lot of effort at first, but does become easier! Also ask yourself if it's specifically living in Nottingham that you don't like, or whether other factors are involved.

Give it a bit more time, and try not to let your feelings for this girl influence your decision, especially as she is being cagey about being exclusive. The fact that she stayed with you when you moved is a good sign, but there could be a number of reasons why she appears to not be looking for something serious with you. It could be that she is trying to protect herself from getting too involved with someone living in a different city, or she could just not be looking for anything exclusive and is enjoying not being tied down. I would suggest that you ask her, girls tend not to mind talking about things like this, but if she's still being cagey when you ask her where you stand don't push it as any clingyness will push her away.

Whatever you do, where you live is a huge decision and shouldn't be based around anyone else other than you, (unless you're married or in a serious relationship of course!). I would really recommend giving it more time, and if you're still unhappy in a couple of months then maybe think about moving back.

I hope this helps a little