Why are some people jerks to the people they claim to love and care about?

[gottabethejuice]

Why are some people jerks to the people they claim they love and care about? And not always but more often than they should (which should be never but I understand people occasionally lash out at their loved ones if in a bad mood, annoyed, ect).

[VincenzoG91]

We are all flawed and make mistakes from time to time. And some people are just selfish jerks.

[lahnnabell]

When people lash out at their loves ones, it generally means there is something going on inside of this person, and they're unsure of how to deal with it. They lash out at those closest to them in an attempt to release some of that turmoil.

I had an ex like this. He'd go at me until I'd either cry, or just go home upset sometimes. Sometimes the reason would be virtually invisible to me, and I'd leave feeling confused and hurt as he'd refuse to explain to me what I'd done. Turns out I didn't do anything. He would later come to me apologizing for hurting me AND THEN explain himself afterward. Bringing me down to his level was the only way he knew how to deal with his pain, even if it had nothing to do with me. I tried to help him work on it, but he'd take one step forward and then fall two steps back. I eventually got so sick of that cycle that I had to leave before I lost my mind.

People who are like this aren't very self-reflective and have had no practice at how to deal with strong emotions like anger, jealousy, and hurt. You should read Daniel Goleman's "Emotional Intelligence". Great book. It explains situations like this and breaks them down nicely.