Really need some advice guys/girls

[SnowxWhite]

Hello all,

I have reached a breaking point & have to be able to get this off my chest. Though I love my husband VERY much I am at my wits end. Let me tell you all whats going on..(sorry its so long)


When I first met him he didnt have a job..he was 18 & just didnt have one. He moved in the apt with my best friend & I and for over a year did not work. It was always one excuse after another..anyways once I started working at the law firm I was able to get him on with me. We were making good money & all was wel.. He quit that job because he left me because he was afraid to get married (lame). We split for a little while..got back together..he still didnt work..split AGAIN for the same reasons..then got back together & FINALLY got married. The whole time he never could hold down a job while I was still working at the same place full time. I couldnt afford to be the breadwinner alone so we got kicked out of our house the day after we got married. We had to move in w/his Mother. I kept getting very sick from stomach viruses/got swine flu & lost my job in Jan. Here we are in May and he isnt working..we are now living with my mom. I got accepted into hair school so that I could start in July..thats awesome..however now I cant go because we still have things to pay, and I dont have any money to even get the clothes I need for hair school. I am now applying everywhere to try and get a job..all the while he just smokes pot every ****ing day ( wasnt like that before we got married) and isnt seriously trying to get a job. I have tried talking to him (he just gets mad) and I have tried not bringing it up..thats clearly not working.


I am so stressed out..I feel so confused & am quickly losing respect for him. I guess love is blind..I have given him the benefit of the doubt for so long & have made excuses for him..that now I dont know what to do. I dont want to call it quits so soon but WHAT THE ****. Any suggestions, advice, help would be greatly appreciated..I am losing my mind.

[loverman1]

i think if you love him enough then give him some more time..but make sure he understands that you are not happy with him, make sure he understands that he has to make changes for you

also maybe consider relationship counselling

[SnowxWhite]

thanks for responding! I just dont know how much more time you must give someone I guess..we have been together for 5 1/2 years and just got married in October 09. Im losing hope. He would NEVER go to counselling..I have already brought it up.

[xxazurexx]

How can he afford pot, if he doesn't work?

[girl68]

He didn't prove his worth before you got married what makes you think he'll do it now? He already got you!

[Gigabitch]

Get down off the cross and ditch this guy. You're wasting your youth on him.

[VincenzoG91]

He's a loser. Because he is unwilling to even talk about the obvious problems (his laziness and complete lack of income), you only have two options:

A. Divorce him.
B. Put up with his crap for the rest of your life.

I recommend option A.

[ftm]

I hate to say this, but you should have considered this situation thoroughly before you married him. Not being able to hold down a job is a bad sign. Has he even been looking?

You have to give this guy an ultimatum. Or several of them at the same time. (Meaning: Get a job, no more pot, etc.)

[Kaius]

You already know the answer. He is not gonna change. He is not gonna get better or wake up one day and be a hard-working man.
If you are okay with supporting him while he smokes weed for the next 30 years, stay with him. Just don't have any babies with him.
I know we do crazy stuff when we love someone. But if it hurts you to love him, maybe you should consider what's good for you.

[SnowxWhite]

Thank you all for your words. I appreciate the feedback. I think I do have to bear some responsibility though because I should have thought it out a little more.


Someone asked how he is getting pot if he doesnt work..the answer to that is he is getting it from his loser friends. :/