How do I beat this girl at her own game? (long post)

[dmacfour]

Aight guys so here is a very condensed version of the situation so far (I'll be writing cliffs for people who don't have a long attention span):

I’ve liked this girl for well over a year, but it never worked out because we weren’t both single at the same time until this semester. I assumed she thought of me as just a friend, but wanted to tell her how I feel anyways. I did, and she gave me a very vague answer. She didn’t say we were just friends; she said something like;” I’m in a bad place right now, maybe sometime in the future, don’t wait for me.” I was like, “If you trying to let me down nice, don’t. Be blunt with me.” She said she was and I accepted that she didn’t want to date.

So this week I was telling her about this girl my friend and his GF are trying to hook me up with, and she was like, “I don’t know why, but I get jealous hearing about other girls.” I told her that I only get jealous like that when I have feelings for the person. Fast forward a couple of days, and she her body language is noticeably different. She’s flirting with me a lot my than we already do, we wrestled around trying to mark each other’s faces with markers.

I tried not to pay it any attention because of what she told me weeks earlier. Anyways, the next day we were watching a movie at my place with some friends, and after they left, we sat their cuddling and talking about life for over 2 hours. She repositioned herself so that she was laying with her face about a foot from mine, and was scratching my facial hair. I knew something was up, but I didn’t want to make that assumption based upon what she told me earlier.

All of the sudden, she leaned in a kissed me. We made out for a few minutes, but then had to leave because she had something she needed to get to.

So for awhile I was ecstatic, but then it turned into a “WTF?” moment. I was wondering why she would do that after what she told me. I tried to analyze her behavior the next couple of days to see if anything had changed and I couldn’t tell. She got sick and was PMSing the whole rest of the week, which made it hard to tell. Yesterday she was better, and seemed more affectionate than usual, but I honestly could tell. I was laying in her bed while she was packing to go for the summer, and she was standing over me. She made a motion toward me like she was going to lean in for a kiss, but then pulled back and said, “Dmacfour, you’re really attractive, you need to find a cute girl over the summer.” Later that day she left to go home for about 2 months.

So at this point, I am thinking there are a couple of possibilities as to why she is doing this:
-I’m sure many of you are already thinking this, but it is possible that she is trying to keep me on a leash. Part of the reason she told me she didn’t want to date is because I am her closest friend her at the university. She is afraid that a relationship will ruin our friendship in the end (which is obviously possible).

-She is confused. Another reason she gave me for not dating is that she was really confused about what she wants. She had recently been turned down by a guy she liked, and still had a thing for her ex. She was also stringing another guy along in an unofficial relationship, and had a guy from back home tell her that he wanted her back. Things did change since then, and she told all of the guys that wanted her that it was over. Because I know her well, I know that she is constantly changing her mind about everything. It may be possible that she changed her mind for a bit, and then flipped back to her previous stance.

-She likes me, but is trying to suppress her feelings. This girl is definitely a “high feeler” as in she has a lot of really strong emotions throughout the day. In the past, she has had problems with feeling one thing, and doing another, because of what she thought society wants her to do. She dumped her ex because she didn’t have strong feelings for him. A month later she regretted the decision because this guy is “perfect” by society’s standards. All of the sudden she had feeling for him (But he has a new girlfriend now).

At this point, I feel like I have two viable solutions to this problem, which I can’t put into action until she comes back in August:

-I can play her game back at her. If she is trying to keep me on a leash, she knows how to do it really well. She has it in her power to make me jealous at just the right moments. She is very affectionate, flirty, and cuddly. I have to ability to play the game right back, though. She craves my attention, which could be a reason why she does something every time I’m about to get over her to bring me right back in. I guess I’m guilty of it already; when I told her about the girl my friend was trying to hook me up with, I was doing it to gauge her reaction. She got jealous and told me so.

-I can be really forward and try to make a move when she gets back. We’ve watched movies and done one on one activities many times in the past. She’s told me in the past that she has been close to making out with me multiple times, yet holds herself back. Looking back, I realize that her body language is very obvious in those moments. Next time it happens, I might decide that I need to make the first move. Also I could ask her out to dinner and make it known that I am taking her on a date.

-I can give her an ultimatum. This is my worst case scenario option, and a big gamble. If next semester ends up being a continuation of the BS from last semester, I am going to sit her down and put everything on the line. Something like this:

“Listen, I and everyone else can tell by your actions and what you tell me that you have feelings for me. It’s painfully obvious. After what happened last semester, things have to change one way or another. You are afraid of losing my friendship, but I can’t emotionally handle this game we’ve been playing since winter break. At this point, not at least giving a relationship a try would be worse for what we have then trying to keep things the way they are. I can’t do this almost relationship thing for very much longer, and you’ll end up losing me anyways. At least if we give it a chance, and it doesn’t work, I’ll be able to move on for good. Otherwise I’m going to have to not talk to you till I do, which could end up ruining our friendship.”

The only hang up with this one is that we are all best friends with the same people, and part of the same social group. She is also in many of my classes, and hangs out at the fraternity I’m in. I don’t know how viable it is to ignore her for months when she is an integrated part of my social life. She's one of my best friends too, and I don't want to lose her either.

Jesus, I just realized how much I wrote. If you made it this far, I am impressed. As you can tell, I have thought about this in any angle I can. However, I want outside opinions of the situation. Either that, or give me other advice on how to resolve this. Also, if you think playing her game back is a wise situation, is there a way to do it while she is gone for the summer?

Cliffs:

-girl says she doesn't want to date
-tells me to get over her
-jealous of other girls I talk about
-makes out with me
-she know exactly how much I like her, and what making out would do to me
-tells me to find a girl
-trying to figure out what game she's playing
-need advice on beating her at her own game

[xxazurexx]

I've got a better solution, just write her off as a lost cause.

[dmacfour]

I did write her off as a lost cause. Until she leaned over and started making out with me.

[xxazurexx]

That was a one off!

If she was serious about you, she wouldn't be f**king with your head and she'd be making out a hell of a lot more with you.

And if you had any sense, you'd run and find someone worth bothering with, instead of this 'fruitcake' you continue to pursue.

[dmacfour]

I know what's logical, but my emotions are overriding it.

[xxazurexx]

Well then be prepared to get hurt....because that is what will happen.

[sehvral]

If you want to beat her at her game, do *exactly* what she said: find a cute girl over the summer, then introduce them when she gets back (with lots of PDA)

You're her "cuddle buddy", the guy she turns to when she ultra-horny and single. The kiss was just an escalation of this.

[dmacfour]

If you want to beat her at her game, do *exactly* what she said: find a cute girl over the summer, then introduce them when she gets back (with lots of PDA)

You're her "cuddle buddy", the guy she turns to when she ultra-horny and single. The kiss was just an escalation of this.

I'm thinking of doing that, but over facebook throughout the summer.

[xxazurexx]

It's a case of she doesn't want anyone else having him, but she doesn't think enough of him, to want him either.

How old is she? I'm guessing 17 or 18?

[dmacfour]

It's a case of she doesn't want anyone else having him, but she doesn't think enough of him, to want him either.

How old is she? I'm guessing 17 or 18?

she just turned 21.

[IndiReloaded]

This is a classic: girl doesn't know what she wants. So, its your opportunity to tell her what she should want. Otherwise, some more aggressive slob will just get where you want to be. This gal sounds too used to being chased, so you are wasting your time if you think she will hustle for you, no matter how worthy you are.

I'd go for the assertive behaviour + ultimatum. You aren't really friends with the girl anyway, so go for what you want. If she's too dumb to bite, then you are better off for having got some closure on the situation.

[dmacfour]

This is a classic: girl doesn't know what she wants. So, its your opportunity to tell her what she should want. Otherwise, some more aggressive slob will just get where you want to be. This gal sounds too used to being chased, so you are wasting your time if you think she will hustle for you, no matter how worthy you are.

I'd go for the assertive behaviour + ultimatum. You aren't really friends with the girl anyway, so go for what you want. If she's too dumb to bite, then you are better off for having got some closure on the situation.

I'm actually her best friend. I know things about her that she would only tell her mother and one other person.

[lahnnabell]

Isn't that always the way? Some girl calls the guy she's semi-crushing on her "best friend" so she can keep a safe distance, but remain close enough in proximity to find out anyone he's banging or dating. Works out pretty nicely for her. She's calling all the shots here, dude.

[VincenzoG91]

To paraphrase Edwin Markham:

She drew a circle to shut me out.
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.

But luck I had, and wit to win.
I drew a circle that took her in.

So, draw a bigger circle. Go live your life, meet other people, and enjoy whatever you're doing. If and when she comes back into your life, she may see a change in you, one that she likes. Or maybe not. Either way, your life will be better for the experiences, and you won't be sitting around worrying about her. She doesn't seem to know what she wants anyway, and that kind of uncertainty tends to generate unhappiness, at least in my own experience. Figure out what makes you happy (besides her) and go after that.

[IndiReloaded]

I'm actually her best friend. I know things about her that she would only tell her mother and one other person.

Say what you want, but we have a saying here at LF: friends don't want to ****. Your interest in this gal goes beyond friendship.

A friend doesn't want to 'beat her at her own game'. If you were really her friend you wouldn't be prepared to give up everything just to have a chance in her pants. Sorry, but the tone of your post isn't 'friends'.