She left me to start a new life with another man

[thelonely1]

My ex-girlfriend have been together for nearly three years before she left me.
Two years in to our relationship we got a huge problem when I discovered the game she had with guys. (talking with guys also far distant away mostly about sex but also about love and care).

When I first got to know about it and confronted her in real, she was devastated and told me she would stop it.
Later I heard from one new guy she was talking sex with (after the point where she said she would stop it) about their conversations.

By then I know she was still doing it, and once again when conftonted she told me she couldn't stop it and that she couldn't control herself,
so I allowed her to do what she wanted if she was just talking to me about it and not having any secrets.

The thing is, she just left me anyway, and she want to start a new relationship with another guy living even more far away from me.

We had just about half a year left of waiting until we finally could settle for a life we dreamed about during the whole relationship.

She met a new guy about 2 months ago, and this guy is already living with his girlfriend for many years.
Quite soon after they got to know eachother, he was falling in love with her (and she fell in love with him about a month later).
She was talking to me about this guy at the start, so I know about their talks, and I know she probably got his attention to her when talking about having some rough sex with her.
In the start the intention was to just have another guy to play with and to 'toss' (sad to use these words but that's how she treated other guys).

He was also complaining that he wasn't happy with his girlfriend, and that she was out late at nights probably cheating on him.
They have no reason which I know for beeing together because they are not married and she have a low income and he have a high income so it's not economical related either I think.

As this went on, she stopped more and more talking to me, until recently when she said she stopped loving me, and that she love him.
She told me she wanted to leave this life where she play around with guys, as it is no future for her.

Here is where I am now.

I know that this guy lives far up north, and he was grown up there and also educated and now works in this town, he never moved to another town.
She on the other hand, doesn't want to live this north but they were already talking about that he would leave his girlfriend and change job so they could start a new life together somewhere else.
His girlfriend still doesn't know anything yet as far as I know.

They are also publicly expressing their love in a game we used to play, and they also want to marry in the game (something which she did not really want to do when she was with me)

I have some great concern for them though:

I fear that she will not be able to stop her pattern with her games with the guys, and she will cheat on him as she did on me (and he will probably not allow it as I did)
At an early point in their flirt when she was still talking to me, she told me that, that he would probably not allow it. (but then later when she broke up she told me she would leave that life.)

I also fear that this guy might not be serious with her, since that he didn't tell his girlfriend yet, and obviously not broke up with her.

Even if he is willing to leave his girlfriend, it will be a big change in his life to search a new location more south to live (but probably still in the same country)
but changing work and location seems a bit weird.

They will meet within a month in real life, so she will be able to tell for sure then if she will go for him or not, and she would want me to wait until then so that she can go back to me and try again in case things wouldn't turn out to be as good as she think.
My ex was playing with a lot of guys usually sexually and also met with some in real to have some fun.
Now she say that she will leave this life because it is pointless and it isn't a future for her, and this makes me feel really bad because we had problems with this at first, and she couldn't stop it and just tried to hide it even further.
However from what I know, she is doing secret things behind his back as well, and she asked me not to talk to this guy about her past and how her life with me was.

In the late summer last year, she wanted to leave me for one guy, and actually cut the contact we had for almost two weeks, until she realized that a life with that guy was not possible (because of obsticles such as wife and kids),
a few months later she found another guy she wanted to leave me for (and almost did 4 months ago but then changed her mind).
shortly after that she was flirting with another guy which she met in real life but he was quite boring so she gave up on him too.
Then she met this guy and after 2 months she left me to start a new life with him.

That she was hurting other people is nothing I am proud of, and it actually makes me sad when I think about them (and this was before the breakup), even if I know they did things with my girlfriend.
She was sad too because of what she had done to them, that she seriously hurted the feelings of nice guys to get personal fun and other gains in the game.

What do you think,

Should I take her back if things wouldn't work between them?
Will they work out?

[VincenzoG91]

Forget about her. She never loved you, and she didn't deserve your love. There are so many better women out there, you just need to start looking.

[thelonely1]

Thanks for the answers, but I am wondering, do you think that they will work out?
I know it's not in my business but I wonder what you think about that.
I appreciate your honest answers, even if it hurts

[xxazurexx]

I think you would be totally mad to consider taking her back....

It would seem that she had a few guys on the go and when an obstacle stood in the way of being with one guy, she immediatley had another guy lined up!!

Sorry, but I think she was wanting out of this relationship and these other guys all helped pave the way for her 'escape'...

She obviously has not happy in this relationship and for quite a long time.....you may have lost this one for good.

[VincenzoG91]

Lost for good is right. You will be so much better off without her. She is dishonest, sneaky and treacherous. She probably doesn't care about anybody but herself. Move on now, and you will meet better women soon.

[Gigabitch]

Try to have better judgment next time. Not only should you not take her back, you should never speak to her again, stop playing whatever game that is so you don't have to have any contact with her and consider this whole thing just a lesson learned.

[cmacattack1]

Thanks for the answers, but I am wondering, do you think that they will work out?
I know it's not in my business but I wonder what you think about that.
I appreciate your honest answers, even if it hurts

The answer is irrelevent. But to answer your question: ask yourself do you think any other guy would take the kind of treatment you are taking? As long as she doesn't have to face her consequences, she is just going to leapfrog from guy to guy, spouting the same bullshit ("I can't stop myself! I'm a victim!") until somebody finally turns this behavior on herself and dumps her ass.

It's not your concern. You should be less concerned about what she is doing (as hard as it is) and more concerned about what you are doing. You have to evaluate this relationship and the things you did wrong. You allowed this to happen and kind of brought what she did to you upon yourself by allowing her to stick around until she got tired of you. I know you probably love and care about her but you have to find and re-establish some self worth here. Anybody that is worth something does not deserve this.

Stop keeping tabs on her and her new boyfriend. Stop talking to her if you still are. You need to focus on you and how to improve yourself and make yourself happy again without her in it. Keep busy, active and focused on things that are important to you. The only thing that can help is time, but if you are doing things, they will help the time pass.

[Cosmo]

"Should I take her back if things don't work out between them"

I was in the same boat as you friend, the first day after I broke up with my fiancee for cheating a second time (this time emotionally, not physically). After I packed my things and left I was wondering if I should take her back. Then I realized what I was thinking. Have some self-respect man! Should I take her back? NO, NEVER. She doesn't deserve you. Pre-meditated emotional cheating is sooo much worse than having sex with a random. At least it was for me.

I've been practicing no contact since the break, my ex keeps texting despite my only contact with her (i don't want to hear from you for at least a month, no texts, no calls, please respect my wishes)... I mean, she hasn't respected or listened to me for the last two months or so, so why would it change now right?

Anyways, 7 days after we break up, right before I go to bed she sends me a text "Are you happier without me?". Now she has self-esteem issues so she probably created this whole mess because she doesn't think she deserves me (actually she's admitted this herself). But you know what I didn't have the heart to tell her? I am SO much happier! This is the first night I've been trapped at home with nothing to do and even being alone I'm happier.
You will be too.


I'm sure people are sick of me relating every event on this forum to my own recent circumstances, but it was replies like this one that really helped me through that first day. Knowing there was someone out there going through something similar who could tell me that it will get better.

[thelonely1]

Thank you for all the replies.
I know I shouldn't care but I still do..

I don't know, I will leave her alone and see.
Maybe I will get a different perspective and stop caring about her at all.

I know it's wrong for caring, but I would want some feedback of what you think their outcome will be, will she learn anything?

[xxazurexx]

^^ Look....how the heck are people here supposed to know if it will last or not?

We don't know them personally or anything about the type of relationship they have going and to be able to judge whether it would last.

REALITY CHECK:

What we can safely assume though is this. This female obviously had no respect for you or your relationship, hasn't the feelings left anymore on same par as the feelings you have for her and which is why she is now with another guy in a new relationship and has left you behind. She has MOVED ON....

Now if you want to sit around, wasting your time and hoping this relationship will fail and she will come running back to you and pining over some female who was 'sexually' playing with different guys online, who eventually upped and left for one of these guys, then go ahead and do so....

Bear in mind, that you may be sitting around FOREVER and waiting upon something that may never return.

[Kaius]

I was feeling pity up until you mentioned your concerns about HER and HIS relationship. What the hell????! Talking sex with random men is not okay. You allowed it, so it's on you.
If she can't control her urges, then you certainly have the option to abandon. What made you stay with her? Not only did she not love you, she had absolutely no respect for you.
When a woman doesn't respect her man anymore, then it's over. Sorry man.... this one was hard to read. I thought I was crazy...

[noize]

let it go. move on to either walk your own path or find a woman who actually loves and respects you. you can't fix her.