I need some advice

[the_menace]

Hi everybody! I'm new here and impressed already by the way the answers are being treated and answered. I just joined hoping that somebody could give me an advice. I know that this forums is "dumping talk" but its hard to say the way things are going for me and my girlfriend for six months.

A little background. I'm 23 years old turning 24 this coming December and my girlfriend who would be turning 29 this November. She already graduated and I'm still in college pursuing my degree. The other part is she lives an hour away from me and I only get to spend time with her during the weekends. She's ok with it but at the same time stressed because she gets lonely sometimes and I'm not there when she needs me. Although driving an hour each weekend is not really an issue for me. I told her that I try to visit her as much as I can.
The fact that she makes more money than me; she takes and buy food most of the time for both of us during the weekend when I visit. Although I also buy food and take her out as well when I have money. She told me that she was stressed about having to take care of me whenever I come and visit her. Part of it financially is that she also takes care of her mom and take her out as well. So money as far as I'm concern is the thing that stresses her out.

To make the long story short, we had a long argument last Friday on the phone about my career and when I'm going to finish college. I told her that money shouldn't be an issue. Part of it is that we have our differences in beliefs such as religion (she belives in Evolution) which is fine with me. I already told her long time ago that I'm open to both and if we ever have kids, I should let them decide which to believe in. She said that we have differences (age, beliefs, income) and its not a good thing. She's worried that it might be a problem later on. She's also worried about me being young (24) of thought that I might cheat on her later on (she has two ex-boyfriends cheated on her on the past). I told her yesterday or even before to trust me and not compare me with the other ones. It hurts that she's not giving me chance and its unfair for me.

So the day after our conversation when I'm about to visit her, she acted weird on the phone. I ask her if she wants me come out there (just making sure because we had an argument the night before). She told me that you don't sound like it although my backpack is ready so I can spend the weekend with her. I was ready even a week before because I haven't seen her for two weeks (she works Sundays once a month). So that forced me not to see her for two weeks. She told me that she's not ready to take care of me this weekend so she said that its not a good idea to visit her. I pretended that I wasn't going anyways but I drive an hour just to see her cause I missed her. I went to see her and she looks like she don't have energy and been laying in bed although she told me she isn't tired. She's just depressed. She said "she cares about me" but I noticed that she didn't say "I love you" anymore like she always do. I told her about that and she told me that "she wasn't sure" and she feels different. I guess the conversation that we had the other night affected her a lot and something that I said that struck her. She just said that she cares about me and if she would be with anybody right now, it would be me. I'm pretty sure that she's honest because I also asked her if she's seeing another guy which I believe.

I'm just stressed and depressed with these sudden change of her which she keeps saying, "I don't know". She said that she wants time to think about it and by herself. I repeatedly ask her if she loves me and she keeps saying the same thing. What hurts me the most is keep waiting for an answer from her whether she still loves me or not. I also wrote a 3-paged letter that I'll send tomorrow to her to let her know how I still love her and make her think about our good times. I love her to death and I feel like I'm going to throw up when I think of our times when she used to say "I love you" to me. We also talk on the phone twice a day ever since we started dating (six months ago). She would call me before she go to work and during her break...everyday.

She's the best thing that happened to me because I never loved anybody as deeply as I loved her. I feel that she's already part of me and we would spend the rest of our life together. The fact that I'm still in school and she would be old by the time I graduate (estimate around 33-34), I think she wants security. I don't know what to do right now cause I feel restless, depressed and I can't do anything. The hard part is I have school and I have a few tests coming up next week and also I have a paper due next month which makes it hard for me to swallow the situation. I drove home last night feeling I'm in the worst situation and I don't care if I die.

I think I might have missed details but I try to sum it up as little as I can so you guys can give me the best advice possible. Thanks for reading my post. We haven't break up yet but I want to know what should I do to get her back. I love her so much and we both cried and hugged before I left.

- Dennis

[abercromqt20]

i feel for you so much. although i really don't know what to tell u. it may just be that you 2 have hit a fork in the road and she has some decisions to make. i would say it's not so much your age that matters to her, because the 2 of you aren't that far apart. but i would say it is because you 2 are just at different places in your lives. you were probably right when you said she might be looking for more security. maybe shes looking to settle down and have kids sometime in the near future and just doesn't think you are in the right place in ur life to be doing that. it's a hard thing to do, just sit back and look at the situation and be like is this what i really need? b/c you might love a person to death but it's just not what's right for you. i hope that's not whats happening here. i would say just let her know how you feel about her and let her make her decision. but don't try to stand in the way of what's going to be best for her. sometimes you can love a person very much, but just not be right for them. i wish you all the luck in the world. hopefully it's something else. i think she does still love you, but shes just confused about whats going to happen in the future. so goodluck....... and i hope things get better!

[the_menace]

Thanks for the response. The thing that hurts me the most is for us to go our separate ways. I don't think the relationship is actually 'dead' but I'm already assuming for the worst. I told her what I needed to do and she told me that there's nothing that she wanted me to do. She just needs some time to think about it.
The thing that depresses me and takes toll on my energy is having to wait for the 'unknown'. She doesn't know what she wants but at the same time, I want some answer too which I feel like I'm held up. I can't go on a week or even month being depressed or stressed about the situation waiting for the response 'cause I don't think I can handle it. This is only my second relationship and the first one, I think is puppy love.

To tell you the truth, loving her is what I want and I want to be with her. Every week, I look forward to every weekends so I can see her. Every day, I look forward to her phone calls. She motivates me in every way possible (school, career, etc) and to lose her right now would wreck everything inside of me. I know this may sound pathetic but I'm willing to do anything to get her back; at least her to love me the same way she did before.

[abercromqt20]

i've been there b4. not knowing is sometimes worse than the actual break up. if you think shes worth it, stick it out. it may be hard. but it's the only way to get what u want. you have to let her make her own decisions. so give her what she needs. whether its time, space, what ever shes asks for. just make sure she knows how you feel and whatever happens happens. i know its hard, trust me i soooooo do. i'm playing the waiting game myself right now. good luck in whatever you do.....*kristy*

[deadhead]

i've been there b4. not knowing is sometimes worse than the actual break up. if you think shes worth it, stick it out. it may be hard. but it's the only way to get what u want. you have to let her make her own decisions. so give her what she needs. whether its time, space, what ever shes asks for. just make sure she knows how you feel and whatever happens happens. i know its hard, trust me i soooooo do. i'm playing the waiting game myself right now. good luck in whatever you do.....*kristy*

It sounds like she has a lot going on in her life! The best thing for you to do is to stick by her and give her support! She has given no indication that she wants the relationship with you to end, so if you truly love her, stick by her and prove to her that you are not going to cheat on her and that money is truly not an issue. Ask her what she needs from you to help her get through these tough times.

If she is truly depressed, she might want to consider speaking with a counselor.

Rgds,

Greg

[abercromqt20]

props to the counselour suggestion.

[the_menace]

Thanks for the suggestions and it helps a lot ease pain within me. I talked to her again today and told her about how I feel about her. I told her how much I loved her and wanted to be with her. And again, "she doesn't know" and no more usual "I love you" when we end conversations. She just said that she needs some time by herself to think about things. I'm totally right that our conversation the other night changed and made her realized about stuff.

We had our bad conversation just this Friday night and the night before the day I was suppose to go visit her on the weekends. The thing is, I didn't see her for two weeks and made me ask myself, how much space could you want when you already haven't seen me for two weeks? I told her that and her response is the same as above. I have no clue still on what's going on and continued to tell her I'm depressed about the situation. She told me to just relax and everything's going to be OK. She just needs some time. I then told hear that, how will be I able to relax if you're not telling me what I need to her? That's if she still loves me or not. Its like I'm impatiently bothered searching for her answer.

So I think she's depressed right now and she took our conversation the other night too far. I guess I should have been careful on what to say. I just kept telling her to stop worrying about money 'cause its not everything. And whatever differences we have, I'm willing to work it out. I think she's just scared to make a wrong decision because of our differences (she believes in evolution vs. me religion) but I told her that I'm open to it. We can raise our kid to be 'open' and I would take care of her.

She also mentioned that she's scared that she might not be able to fulfill my expectations later on based on our argument. I don't think that its true but she's thinking way ahead; but at the same time I'm also mature and I know that I can take care of her later on in life. I didn't get enough sleep last night and even forced myself to. I feel like throwing up when I think of our good times. I even wrote a 3 paged letter today and told her about it.

I was also talking to my friend about it and adviced me to just maybe give her space that she needs. Maybe later on she'll realize that she needs me. Just maybe don't give her a call for a week until she calls me. But at the same time, doing that makes me feel like I'm already giving up the relationship which I don't want to do. Its also even harder because I live an hour away and I can't see her unless she changes her mind. I can't prove to her that I will not be cheating on her either because its impossible base on the fact on where I live and where she lives.

I guess the counselor was a great idea but I'm not sure if she would treat it as an insult. I'd rather tell her that face to face but can't because she needs some time to think of stuff.

[abercromqt20]

don't just go telling her she needs to seek help right away.... if this is the first time shes been like this she may just be down a bit from ur guy's situation. i would wait to see how she is. if she stays depressed for a while then you should say something.

[the_menace]

don't just go telling her she needs to seek help right away.... if this is the first time shes been like this she may just be down a bit from ur guy's situation. i would wait to see how she is. if she stays depressed for a while then you should say something.

I've been crying the whole night yesterday thinking about our situation and the good times. I talked to her today and she said that she was dumb about making me depress and in return, made her depressed too. She reminded me that if I'm hurt; she's hurting more because she's the one who initiated it. She said that she knows how she feels about me but just needs time by herself to think about things. I respect that but I'm not used to not talking to her every night. And also the fact that I'm held up now knowing what's on her mind whether she already made a decision or not.

What would hurt me more if she don't tell me but at the same time wanted to just tell me later so it wouldn't hurt me more. Maybe I'm assuming things too much but that's the way it is. I told her that I thought that maybe she just wants to let me go but she told me that its not true. She just says that she just needs time to think about stuff. Sometimes, I can't even believe that its happening. She told me yesterday when I went to her house that she feels different. I left the same night which I usually spend my weekend over her place. Its a very long 1 hour drive and I feel restless just thinking about it.

Its not officially over but I'm just depressed that she's making me worried about what's going to happen next. She told me to calm down and everything's going to be OK. She just needs some time to think for herself. I hope that there's still life cause I'm dying inside no matter how hard I try to not think about it.

[abercromqt20]

well she's telling you that everythings going to be ok. for now you will just have to take her word on it. to get over the stress it is causing you, you should go out and try to do things to take ur mind off of it. just give her the space she needs for now and things will get better. it may be hard at first for you to enjoy urself, but keep at it and it'll start to get easier. hope you feel better. i understand tho. sometimes a good cry is the only thing that will make you feel better. i feel for you boy. it'll be ok. you'll be ok.

[the_menace]

well she's telling you that everythings going to be ok. for now you will just have to take her word on it. to get over the stress it is causing you, you should go out and try to do things to take ur mind off of it. just give her the space she needs for now and things will get better. it may be hard at first for you to enjoy urself, but keep at it and it'll start to get easier. hope you feel better. i understand tho. sometimes a good cry is the only thing that will make you feel better. i feel for you boy. it'll be ok. you'll be ok.

I feel fine now but maybe there's still some uncertainties.

I tried calling her tonight (11:15 p.m.) and its weird that she's not picking up her house phone. I called her cellphone so many times but it goes to her voicemail right away (most likely off or busy) which I'm worried even more. Maybe she doesn't want to talk to me anymore?

But we talked earlier today and she was actually the one who called me. She asked me if I'm mad at her (her old tone) and I said no. I told her that I'm just depressed. She told me, "I know, I think its me having a problem...I just need to work on it" I told her that I thought that maybe she want to break up but she said no, that's not what it means. She just need some time to think about our relationship. I said OK and told her that I would come over because I missed her. She said its OK but she has to help her mom, so we agreed on seeing each other next weekend. Suddenly I felt relieved but I'm still not satisfied the way she talks or at least it didn't fully answer my queries.

I'm usually good at reading minds and signs but I'm having a problem figuring this out. Does she really need some space to think about stuff or she's just doing this to push me away...so later on it won't hurt as much? That's the only two things that I can think of right now.
I was going to ask her again tonight over the phone but unfortunately, I can't get a hold of her. Its hard because I live an hour away and it would be easier for me to express how I feel face-to-face. Based on everything that I said, do you think there's chances? Its actually better that you're a girl because I always wanted to know how it feels like on the opposite end. If you're in the same situation, how would you feel and how would you deal with it?

Is it really necessary for someone to say that they need their space when the drawback is you're hurting the other person? I mean, I don't get it...why make me depress?

[abercromqt20]

the issue is not to make you depressed. she can't just not do what she needs to do for herself b/c it might make you upset. i got into that with my ex. she has to do what is good for her, despite the fact that it may hurt you. she can't just keep dating you to keep you happy. she needs to be emotionally healthy too, and if space is what she needs then its what she needs. don't take it as a personal attack tho. now there is no way for me to know if she really just wants to take a break or if this is just her way of easing the parting blow. i would take the fact that she called you today as a good sign tho. don't kill urself over why she didn't pick up the phone tonight. chances are you will talkto her tomorrow and she will have a good reason and you'll be all like "oh, i was upset and worried for nothing". if it keeps happening then you may have a problem. i know it sucks but only time will tell how it's all going to play out. so give her whatever she asks for. and just be patient. it will get easier. just remember you'll be ok.

[the_menace]

I just talked to her on the phone for an hour just right now and she told me a lot of things. She turned off her cellphone by the way cause she's at her mom's house and she wanted to talk to her. I guess she was seeking advice on what to do about our relationship from her mom. She told me that her mom likes me but I think she's fighting inside on whether to keep me or not. Its hard as it seems to swallow, I wanted to find out more and made her answer what's really running through her mind.

I guess the argument that we had the other night made her realize that she's old for me and it would take another 6-7 years before I can take care of her. I'm still going to college which will take me another 3-4 years but we've already discussed this in the past. She told me that she'll be old by then after I finish college and finally get a stable job. She's stressed because she said that I can't take care of her which I told her is not true. I told her that it would take time and patient; but by the time we get there, I can take care of her. She said that she's already stress taking care of me and being in a relationship stresses her out. She scared about her future already which is her main concern. I told her that things will get better and someday, I can take care of her. We already talked about my college issues before and she told me that we'll go through it together.

She said that she's getting old and nothing's happening in her life; so its even harder if she have to take care of me. I even told her that she doesn't have to take care of me and I'll take care of both of us. She said that being in college is hard which I can barely support myself. How can I convince her that I can support her in the future but not at the moment?

I keep asking her to give me answers and she repeatedly said she doesn't have any. I asked her if all this is leading to us breaking up but she said not necessarily. I feel like there's still hope but at the same time, I can't seem to change her mind. She said that she suddenly have a different outlook on things and she felt differently now ever since we argued. I can't blame her for being upset with me but it would be stupid to just let it go and not work it out. I kept on convincing her that we have a lot of similarities...and she said yes, a lot. And I told her that we have our differences too but I'm willing to work it out. She's worried that I'm young and very capable of cheating on her. I told her once again that there's nothing to worry about. I'm very serious when I said that I will stick for her 'cause when I'm in love, I fall in love so deeply. I told her, why can't you trust me? I haven't done anything to hurt her which upsets me and I'm upset that she's not giving me the chances.

So right now, I feel like she's confused and stressed about her career; and me added to the mix makes it even harder. She told me that she cares about me a lot and still love me; but I told her why can't you say that you love me? She said that she doesn't want to mess me up or whatever (whatever that means). I just don't know what to say except just to wait 'til her mind change cause apparently I can't; and she said that she's just telling me how how she feels. I told her maybe I'm not good enough for her or she needs somebody older so he can take care of her. She told me that its not what she needs and just needs some time to think.

I feel lost because she asked me if breaking up right now would be better cause she can't give me an answer. I said no and I asked her, would you want to break up with me? She said she don't know and not necessarily. And finally, I told her that I've already shed all my tears and there's nothing left of me. I'm still here patiently waiting for a valid response from her if she would be willing to work things out, accept our differences, be patient OR just move on.

I'm thinking of not calling her anymore this week so she'll miss me. I don't know if that's going to work or not; but I came to the part where my questions are not fully answered. I call her and nothing happens but she's finally opening up and telling me stuff on what's happening. I want more...I want to know if she's still willing to be with me or not.

[Anthony]

I think she's fighting inside on whether to keep me or not.

I guess the argument that we had the other night made her realize that she's old for me and it would take another 6-7 years before I can take care of her.

More accurately, I would surmise that she would prefer for you both to take care of each other in terms of financial support.

I keep asking her to give me answers and she repeatedly said she doesn't have any. I asked her if all this is leading to us breaking up but she said not necessarily. I feel like there's still hope but at the same time, I can't seem to change her mind.

Forcing the issue generally won't be helpful in a relationship if the other person needs time to sort out their thoughts and feelings. Ultimately, it's not you who needs to change her mind- it's her. She may also react negatively that you're trying to force her into a decision that she's not ready to make.

I told her maybe I'm not good enough for her or she needs somebody older so he can take care of her. She told me that its not what she needs and just needs some time to think.

I'm thinking of not calling her anymore this week so she'll miss me. I want more...I want to know if she's still willing to be with me or not.

You need to be patient; showing the amount of desperation that your post has been expressing could push her away, which wouldn't be beneficial for either of you.

I can understand her dilemma from a personal viewpoint, so let me re-arrange a few details to try and clearify why she might be reacting in this way:

she lives an hour away from me and I only get to spend time with her during the weekends. She's ok with it but at the same time stressed because she gets lonely sometimes and I'm not there when she needs me.

Long distance relationships can be very straining, specifically because of the loneliness and difficulties associated with communication. The harsh fact is that she's correct: there's a five out of seven chance that you won't be present when she needs your support. Because of the distance she likely understands that you won't always be available except via telephone, and will make the best of what support you're able to offer through that medium. Many people are able to adapt to those situations, however the longer it's required, the more difficult it becomes.

(I should also mention that video conferencing over the internet can help immensely when a relationship is operating at a distance.)

Can you imagine from her standpoint how difficult it would be to continue that for ten years, or even five? By continuing to proceed through college on your current timeline, you're acknowledging that you're content to live with that lifestyle for a good while longer.

I love her to death and I feel like I'm going to throw up when I think of our times when she used to say "I love you" to me.

I can imagine her reading a statement like that and replying, "I love him the same way, yet despite his love he's never there for me; I try to manage as best I can because I care, but I can't do it forever."

You've shown your priorities, and unfortunately they may be mutually exclusive with a commited and loving relationship because of the distance involved. If that's the case, you're showing that schooling is your priority- not her. This doesn't mean that you're at fault in any way or should dramatically alter your lifestyle to sustain the relationship, but it certainly limits your options and may rule out some all-together. Whether that includes a long-term relationship depends on the people involved.

I drove home last night feeling I'm in the worst situation and I don't care if I die.

Unfortunately you may need to strongly rethink your schooling plans if you can't find a compromise with your partner.

I know this may sound pathetic but I'm willing to do anything to get her back

Including abandoning all of your schooling? How far are you willing to go in order to retain that loving relationship? If you can't find a compromise, which will you choose?

Its not officially over but I'm just depressed that she's making me worried about what's going to happen next. She told me to calm down

Listen to her.

Is it really necessary for someone to say that they need their space when the drawback is you're hurting the other person? I mean, I don't get it...why make me depress?

"Which is better: a lie that draws a smile or the truth that draws a tear?"

Would you prefer her to be dishonest, or would you prefer her to be genuine so you both can work towards a mutual solution?

I haven't done anything to hurt her which upsets me and I'm upset that she's not giving me the chances.

She gives you chances every day that you're together and apart. When will you give her a chance to stay in the relationship? A relationship is between two people, not ten years of schooling and a few hours on the side to spend with each other. If both partners aren't willing to work towards a balance, regardless of how difficult the balance is to maintain, the relationship is already over. I personally wouldn't consider your relationship balanced, from reading your posts.

I'm thinking of not calling her anymore this week so she'll miss me.

It might work, or it might not; either way it solves nothing in the long term. If she realizes you've done it simply to prompt a reaction, you've just succeeded in pushing her farther away.

If you're in the same situation, how would you feel and how would you deal with it?

Over the past few years, I've spend a large amount of time attempting to decide if I would be able to participate in a relationship with a woman who was persuing many years of schooling. Unfortunately, every time I spend a few hours pondering on the scenario, I always arrive at the same conclusion: there are too many variables, which makes it impossible to answer that question. In all likelyhood, I would arrive at a point in time similar to the one being experienced by your partner, which is why I tend not to be interested in entering into relationships that will obviously be highly strained for a long period of time.

In contrast, a simple long distance relationship would be welcome because although the setting would be abstract for a period of time, it would not always be that way. Whether it took six months or three years, eventually my partner and I would be living together, or at the very least, within a short driving distance.

Though the same difficulties that you experience are typically present in a long distance relationship, they're for a finite amount of time- the ultimate goal of any relationship is for the two partners to share their lives together. If that goal is in sight, three years away in a long distance relationship, adapting and sustaining the relationship until that time is a possibility. If the goal is ten years away, it's still a finite amount of time, however especially if the relationship tends to take a back-seat compared to other matters, the chances of sustaining the relationship are slim.


The simple statement that summarizes this post is thus:
Your partner loves you and wants to continue the relationship, but a relationship works both ways. Typically both people are willing to work out the difficulties and endure the hardships in a relationship, as those are an important part of the companionship offered. If one partner is continously absent, the other will do his or her best to adapt, however once it reaches a point where the person believes the relationship is no longer receiving the support it needs to continue, other options need to be considered.

Your partner may be at a point where she's simply unable to continue the relationship because of the imbalance and hardship. She has obviously been trying to remain a part of it, however there don't seem to be many options available. I suggest that you take a strong look at the entire situation and then invest a concerted effort into providing stability for the relationship. If you aren't prepared to sacrifice some of the things you're retaining in exchange for a mutually acceptable compromise (or set thereof), your parter's consideration of ending the relationship may be appropriate.

[the_menace]

Yes I do want to take care of her too financially but I obviously cannot at the moment. It might take 6-7 years but I'm pretty sure that I can take care of her later on. I know its a security issue and at her age (almost 29), I'll be concerned too. This is how I see it. Would you rather break up and lose the love that you already have and see yourself 4-5 years or more down the line still searching for that perfect partner OR keep me and invest in me which we two are already perfect for each other? To tell you the truth, we both see each other as a perfect partner. But continuing a relationship with me is like investing in which later on, I can take care of her.

Forcing the issue generally won't be helpful in a relationship if the other person needs time to sort out their thoughts and feelings. Ultimately, it's not you who needs to change her mind- it's her. She may also react negatively that you're trying to force her into a decision that she's not ready to make.

You're probably right. I shouldn't be forcing things in her mind to change the way she feels about me which I was doing. But at the same time, I'm trying my best on telling her how I feel and I don't want to act like I don't care anymore. I still want to show her that I'm doing something to resolve the issue. I ask her what I need to change and what should I do make it better? She said she don't want me to do anything.

Long distance relationships can be very straining, specifically because of the loneliness and difficulties associated with communication. The harsh fact is that she's correct: there's a five out of seven chance that you won't be present when she needs your support. Because of the distance she likely understands that you won't always be available except via telephone, and will make the best of what support you're able to offer through that medium. Many people are able to adapt to those situations, however the longer it's required, the more difficult it becomes.

I know it is hard but I try my best to come up and visit her every weekend and spend the whole weekend at her place. That's like 2 days out of 7 which I think isn't bad concerning that its a long distance relationship (1 hour away). It was working great actually or at least it was because I have to take care of things for myself (school/work) and her (work/visit her mom). She even told my friend during a conversation that our long distance relationship works great for both of us with no problem.

Can you imagine from her standpoint how difficult it would be to continue that for ten years, or even five? By continuing to proceed through college on your current timeline, you're acknowledging that you're content to live with that lifestyle for a good while longer.

I know being in college and a long distance relationship is tough but we've dealt with it already for the last 6 months. Why now when my one of motivational goal to finish college is for her (mine too)? I'm not content with my lifestyle and I know that it can be improved; I just need time to get a better job and school will follow. I even told her that maybe we can live together and equally pay for everything.
She lives at her dad's house and she wants to move it. Me on the other hand want the same thing because living at home is distraction and its hard focusing on school when people's around telling you what to do. I just brought it up last night so maybe she can think about it or at least consider it.

Including abandoning all of your schooling? How far are you willing to go in order to retain that loving relationship? If you can't find a compromise, which will you choose?

I don't think abandoning school will be necessary but I'm willing to relocate in her area for the sake of keeping the relationship. I love her and I'll do anything to make things better for us.

"Which is better: a lie that draws a smile or the truth that draws a tear?"

Would you prefer her to be dishonest, or would you prefer her to be genuine so you both can work towards a mutual solution?

I'd rather hear the truth so we can work on a mutual solution. I'd rather her be truthful and honest; and not hide any bad, unnecessary feelings just to make me happy. I want her to be happy too.

She gives you chances every day that you're together and apart. When will you give her a chance to stay in the relationship? A relationship is between two people, not ten years of schooling and a few hours on the side to spend with each other. If both partners aren't willing to work towards a balance, regardless of how difficult the balance is to maintain, the relationship is already over. I personally wouldn't consider your relationship balanced, from reading your posts.

She used to have an ex-fiance' about 5 years ago and they lived 2 1/2 hours apart from each other. The other thing is they only see each other every other week because the ex-fiance' was going to college too. She too was finishing her college. They broke up because he cheated on her twice! First was forgiven and they broke up the second one. To tell you the truth, I haven't done anything to her that would hurt her and I'm not planning too either.
I say its not balance but not totally. I just wrote the stuff above to give you more details on her past. Why can't she do to me what she did when she had her ex-fiance'? Its not like I'm going to be in college forever and I visit her on weekends (2 days). At the same time, she has to work and me the same time; we have our obligations and its been working since we can take care of our own business together. Don't you think its enough?

It might work, or it might not; either way it solves nothing in the long term. If she realizes you've done it simply to prompt a reaction, you've just succeeded in pushing her farther away.

I don't know. I guess I said that I'm not going to call her just to let her know that I'm giving her the time and space that she needs. In attempt to do that, my goal is to keep her head clear and think of it clearly without me dictating what she needs to do. I think I've said already the things that I wanted to say to make her understand how she means to me. I told her that I hope that we can work on our differences and go through this together.

Your partner loves you and wants to continue the relationship, but a relationship works both ways. Typically both people are willing to work out the difficulties and endure the hardships in a relationship, as those are an important part of the companionship offered. If one partner is continously absent, the other will do his or her best to adapt, however once it reaches a point where the person believes the relationship is no longer receiving the support it needs to continue, other options need to be considered.

OK several month or just a month ago, we already talked about our long-term relationship and me still being in college is not an issue. She even convince me to finish it cause I'm smart. I asked her a simple question before which goes like, "are you ever going to leave me?" Her response was, "where am I going to go?". I say that maybe she has already adapted to this lifestyle by her response. I even told her so many times that for me to visit and travel every week is not a problem. I don't mind traveling for an hour 'cause more than worth it. We've had some arguments in the past but it didn't get to the point of breaking up; instead her ending up apologizing.

We talked last night and she told me a lot of things which might have changed the way she thinks of our relationship. She lives at home by the way and work full-time in Kaiser. She's stressed because she wants to move out but she can't. She's stressed that she has to support her mom and also to feed me during the weekends I visit. While its true that she buys food for both of us most of the time, I try to take her out too when I have money. She's stressed that she have to entertain and to feed both of us. Money has always been an issue for her and mentioned that long time ago...but everything goes back to normal after that. She's also stressed that she's not utilizing her degree right and she can't get a job that she deserves. I told her that at her age (28), she shouldn't be worry about it and since she lives at home and pay no bills. She's always financially stress which she told me before but it shouldn't get to the point where we can't see each other anymore. I told her that I'll be helping out and she doesn't want that. She told me that she's more than happy to take me out and satisfy me. Well OK fine, but what can I do? She also helps out her mom at the same time with groceries, etc. to make it more stressed for herself. She get stressed but it usually goes away after a few days. I hope that this is what's happening.
The part that got me is she told me that I can NEVER support her. I told her I can later but not right now. She repeatedly said no.

Your partner may be at a point where she's simply unable to continue the relationship because of the imbalance and hardship. She has obviously been trying to remain a part of it, however there don't seem to be many options available. I suggest that you take a strong look at the entire situation and then invest a concerted effort into providing stability for the relationship. If you aren't prepared to sacrifice some of the things you're retaining in exchange for a mutually acceptable compromise (or set thereof), your parter's consideration of ending the relationship may be appropriate.

I'm very willing to work things out even to the point where I have to relocate college so I can live with her. Or she can live with me here where I live and look for a job here. She told me, what happens if we later break up? Things are unpredictable and that might happen but I'm sure that we can work things out.