I need some advice

[Anthony]

This is how I see it. Would you rather break up and lose the love that you already have and see yourself 4-5 years or more down the line still searching for that perfect partner OR keep me and invest in me which we two are already perfect for each other?

I would rather retain the relationship, but that doesn't mean I could retain the relationship.

I ask her what I need to change and what should I do make it better? She said she don't want me to do anything.

She may not want you to change anything, though have you asked her whether she wishes you could change certain things, even if in reality they're immutable?

I know being in college and a long distance relationship is tough but we've dealt with it already for the last 6 months.

There's a large difference between six months and ten years. It's possible that she's just now realized how long the relationship would actually have to remain the way it is currently.

I don't think abandoning school will be necessary but I'm willing to relocate in her area for the sake of keeping the relationship. I love her and I'll do anything to make things better for us.

This is a good idea.

At the same time, she has to work and me the same time; we have our obligations and its been working since we can take care of our own business together. Don't you think its enough?

No, I don't- I can understand it, however I doubt I would be able to live with it myself. There are always obligations and responsibilities, though only to a point. Some things need to have a priority regardless of whatever else is transpiring.

OK several month or just a month ago, we already talked about our long-term relationship and me still being in college is not an issue. She even convince me to finish it cause I'm smart.

Granted, she is supportive. Did you consider when she was convincing you, that she might have been doing it selflessly, and placed herself in a situation that she may not be able to remain in for an extended period of time?

I asked her a simple question before which goes like, "are you ever going to leave me?"

This question is impossible to answer truthfully.

We talked last night and she told me a lot of things which might have changed the way she thinks of our relationship. She lives at home by the way and work full-time in Kaiser. She's stressed because she wants to move out but she can't. She's stressed that she has to support her mom and also to feed me during the weekends I visit. She's also stressed that she's not utilizing her degree right and she can't get a job that she deserves. She also helps out her mom at the same time with groceries, etc. to make it more stressed for herself. She get stressed but it usually goes away after a few days. I hope that this is what's happening.

It's entirely possible that she could simply be overwhelmed at the moment.

The part that got me is she told me that I can NEVER support her. I told her I can later but not right now. She repeatedly said no.

I believe that this can be interpreted in two ways: First, financially; that has been discussed already. Secondly, by "support" she could mean the type of support she should be receiving in a relationship, being emotional support and the support of a partner who's an active part of her daily life. Repeating the above statement could be showing that she doesn't think you'll be able to provide her with the other types of support that would normally be offered in a relationship, which would be my conclusion as well (read the "Don't you think it's enough?" comment).

I'm very willing to work things out even to the point where I have to relocate college so I can live with her. Or she can live with me here where I live and look for a job here.

You might want to genuinely consider this option, I believe it would help quite substantially.

[the_menace]

I talked to her again today but she gave me a lot of mix signals. OK, she called me on her way to work today which is good and she left me a message. I didn't answer the phone intentionally so she can leave a message and hear what she has to say. I called her back after that and we talked normally. Its weird because she sounded like she's fine like everything's ok but I still know that there's something wrong or missing. I told her, "I miss you babe" and she told me, "I miss you too suga'" which is her usual response. I told her that I applied in CSUS and she was like great, you never told me about that. I told her, I told you a couple of days ago. So ok, the conversation went on and she told me that she would take a day off on Wednesday and Thursday to help her mom pack her stuff cause her mom is moving. So I told her, I want to help you move. And she's like, "you're sooo sweet...you don't have to do that". "why are you being sweet to me?" I just told her that I want to prove to you that I love you and I want to be there when you need help. I told her that I would come up Wednesday to help out but her unusual response was, "no, i don't think it would be a good idea 'cause I would just break down and cry if I see you".

That response was weird because why would you she break down when she see me? Shouldn't she be glad that I'm coming to visit and help? So we kept talking and I was telling her about stuff about moving with her in the future. She told me in the past that she was thinking about going to graduate school. So I told her why not go next year so we can be in school together and by the time we both graduate, we can be together. She just said that she still have to make a decision and she wouldn't be able to decide until I finish college.

She was telling me, I'm cute...I'm a cutie and all. And I was like, I'm not cute. She was like, yes you are. So that's cool and I said thanks. I told her that she's cute too and she said, "well, you don't want me". I told her yes I like you. Throughout our whole conversation, she sounded like she's fine and not depressed at all which worried me. How can she not sound depressed when clearly there's a problem between us? She told me that I need to calm down...but I told her that I can't the way she's acting to me. Towards the end of our conversation today, I asked her if she's going to call me tonight during her break (she usually do and never miss) and she told me, she might if she's not tired to walk to her car. She usually move her car and park closer to the building. Then I told her, why not call me inside your work then? She's like maybe but I'm not sure. She asked me after if I'll get mad if she didn't call...I told her no.

I was OK throughout our whole conversation but its getting weird. I feel like she has already gathered herself and maybe convinced that its time to move on but she don't want to tell me. While I'm here desperately waiting for an answer from her. Is she doing this to push me away or maybe make the pain swell throughout so it wouldn't hurt me as much later on? I still have life and still believe in getting her back but it seems like its starting to fade. When I told her that I'm coming over Wednesday to help, why did she say that she would break down if she see me? I told her too that she knew I was in college when we first start dating, and her response was, "I didn't know were going to like each other". Like wtf?
Somebody help me interpret this for me.

[abercromqt20]

wow too long for me to read now..... ill get back to ya later

[the_menace]

A follow up. She called me last night during her break (10:15 p.m.) and she told me to call her later on tonight if I'm still up. She usually gets off work @ 12:30 a.m. so I called her and stayed up. I don't know what's going to happen or what she's going to say but at the back of my mind, she probably made a decision already. It started out calm and normal like the usual, how's work? how's your day? but then it start progressing when she asked me if we want to break up. I told her, "of course not, but if that's what you want...what can I do?" She's like maybe we should. So I was like OK, at least the pressure is less and at least my mind is not confused anymore. Then I repeatedly ask her three times if she's seeing someone. She said no. I said, are you positive? And she's like, stop it...I already answered you twice. So I said fine, I believe you...why shouldn't I?

I told her that I trust her because of her age and at this point of her life (women mostly) are already willing to settle down. So we proceeded discussing what might have been the cause of the problem. She said that she already told me before; but the thing is, its not clear to me. So I tried to like keep asking stuff until she finally say stuff. Finally she started talking which was great because I finally get to learn what has been the issue all along.

She told me that she was stressed about having to take care of me during the weekends when I visit. She feels like she has to support me, like feed me and take me out. But the thing is, she said that she wants to go out and take me on dinners or sometimes breakfast because she loves to do it for me. I told her that you don't have to support me and I can take care of myself. I also told her that we don't have to go eat on restaurants, and she's the one who voluntarily takes me out. I never suggested anything and I told her that I can live on a simple life. Her response was, but we have to eat. But she then said that well, grocery costs as much as going out. I said that's not true and sometimes when we do grocery shopping, I even tell her that I'll pay for our food. But the thing is, she starts buying stuff for home too and for the house; which she says, "I got it cause I'm buying stuff for home too". So fine what can I do? I told her that I'll buy groceries too, but she said that it makes her feel bad for tell her that. So I say to myself, what the heck does she want me to do then?

All throughout our conversation, she emphasized that I'm the best boyfriend she ever had and I've always been sweet to her. I never did anything at least to mess the relationship (ie cheating, shouting, etc.) and she knows that for a fact. She then told me that she's also stressed about calling me twice a day (first is on her to work and other during her break). She said that I get upset when I don't call her; but I told her that this is because I miss her and I only see her on the weekends. I guess its my mistake for not giving her freedom to relax. She said that she hates talking on cellphones but since its a long distance relationship, that's our only way of communication. She said that when she went to Vegas last month (she took vacation time), I was acting rude on the phone and I didn't give her a chance to have fun even with her friends. So my response was, I was just jealous because she didn't spend those vacation time with me but I didn't mean to be read. My fault too but I didn't know that she felt that I was acting rude, cause on my side; I just miss her.

So I'm finally getting to the roots or at least I'm finally realizing why she's stressed out about our relationship so much. She said that she's only being generous 'cause out of all her exes, she told me stuff like she always has to support all her boyfriends (take them out, pay for stuff, etc.). She said that she's tired of men stepping over her and always expected her to support them. I for once felt bad but at the same time, I take her out too once in a while when I get money which she knows. And I'm still in college which is also hard because I'm not making as money as she does (or at least for now). She said she's tired of support everybody else because she's taking care of her mom too and she comes up always broke. She said that she knows I'm broke too, so she's like, "what can I do?...we have to eat?"

So clearly as you can see, its not all about our differences but I came up to the conclusion that its all about money in which I told her. She told me that she can't afford me and our relationship. Well I told her that I'm willing to work things out and strive to make everything equal in terms of paying stuff. I started telling her that she's throwing our relationship for those stuff I mentioned which is messed up. I told her that she didn't tell me what's going on during the times we spent together and I never knew how bad it was. She complained a few times but she never clearly stated that its stressing her. I called her shallow for breaking up with me for those stupid reasons. It upsets me for the fact that she never brought them up and didn't give both of us a chance to at least work it out. She just suddenly gathered all that bad things and slap it on my face.

She also made a comment that I made a rude comment when we argued that made her realize stuff. She told me that my comment, "I guess you should manage your money better" was rude. She was like, its my money and I can do anything with it. I made that comment because she's always contemplating that she's always run out of money, etc. I'm just trying to make her realize that money isn't everything and you can't let the money take over you.
I then apologized for saying things that I probably didn't mean in the first place. I just thought that it would make her realize and not stress too much about stuff. So we both agreed that we should just break up for now. After that I told her that it upsets me that she never communicated with me in the first place. She just threw everything that stressed her out to me, all of them to my face. I told her that a relationship is about communication and she never communicated with me. I told her that she never gave me a chance or both of us to fix the problem which I said that its unfair to me. I told her that we got into the relationship too fast and she never stated clearly anything wrong. I even asked her before that if there's something wrong with our relationship, you should tell me so I can fix it. All throughout, she said that everything is great so far and I thought to myself that everything was wonderful.

When I told her that, "why didn't you tell me all these?" She's like I'm not perfect. I told her that I'm not expecting you to be perfect. I just want you to communicate with me so we can fix our problem. If you love me, we'll get through anything including our differences and problem. I even asked her, "what should I change or do to make things better?" and she said, "you've done your best to me". She just said that she's not ready to fix it right now but maybe later on. She said that were still going to talk to each other and I can call her whenever I want.
In this situation, am I right or wrong? I know that she's always easily stressed because of her career, her mom and her other obligations but why a sudden change and no chance for fixing it?

I still love her and her back but if this breaking up would be the best for her, I'll accept it. Maybe she just needs time to re-think stuff and take care of her personal obligations. I'm still here but I'm hoping that she'll re-think about our relationship which is too heavy for her to handle right now. I respect that. I also hope and realize that she's not going to find a guy that's better than me for deep inside, I told her that I gave her all my heart and not partially. I'll just hang on tight and wish for the best.